Tonight, on Top Gear
: Jeremy Clarkson drives around a field, James May measures a runway, and Richard Hammond lays a cable.
The show opens with Jeremy reminding us that James lives in 1956, and so they sent him to the Top Gear
test track to take out the new Vauxhall Corsa Nurburgring Edition. Although not initially enthused, once he gets behind the wheel, Captain Slow seems to be enjoying himself. At least, until The Stig takes the wheel for a cornering test; then James looks like he's going to throw up.
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How does the Corsa hold up on the road? Not nearly as well. James hates the ride, and calls the car "expensively ruined." Instead, he'd rather drive the new Fiat Panda, with "a modest 84 horsepower" and a more fun ride, which costs half the price of the Corsa. Yet when you put three obese people in the Panda with The Stig, it doesn't fare great. (Neither does The Stig.)
Speaking of The Stig, some say "he has 50,000 photographs of his own camera." He takes the Corsa around the track in 1:31.0, after which Jeremy says he doesn't want to do any more hatchback reviews and promptly tries to fire James.
Time for the news! Hammond is enthused about a new Morgan while his co-hosts needle him about it. Then James introduces us to the ridiculously named Dacia Lodgy and Jeremy starts talking about shooting people in the head. Yes, Mr. Clarkson is particularly cranky in this episode.
Next, Jeremy and Richard set off for the south of England in order to make a "proper movie car chase" for the film version of The Sweeney
. The flick stars Ray Winstone, who appeared on Top Gear
way back in series eight, but isn't thrilled about the Top Gear
blokes popping up on his set. Given that bit of history, it's a tad amusing that Richard seems to be meeting Winstone for the first time. Meanwhile, Jeremy complains about the choice of cars to the film's director, Nick Love.
The boys' actual plans are a bit lacking: Jeremy introduces traffic to one chase sequence, and Richard attaches a car to an air cannon, which promptly destroys it upon its impact with the ground. Because this is Top Gear
, a caravan explodes, and it's not even the right one. As usual, Top Gear
is "ambitious, but rubbish." But would we really want it any other way? No, we would not.
This week's Star In A Reasonably Priced Car is Ryan Reynolds (you know, he of Green Lantern
et cetera, but who will always be Berg from Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place
to me), who talks about being run over by a drunk driver at 19 while walking home from a night out and has some difficulty driving a car that's manual. His lap time is 1:43.7, so he achieves his goal of beating Tom Cruise.
Next week, the trio of hosts must build their own mobility scooters. If it's half as good as when they built limos, or when they built amphibious cars, this should be one for the record books.For more from Brittany Frederick, visit my BuddyTV writer page, and follow me on Twitter at @tvbrittanyf.
Image courtesy of BBC America