To be honest, I don't know much about this season of The Real World
. I watched some early episodes, then lost interest, but now that it's ending, I'm back to pour the dirt on the Sydney season's coffin. All I really know about this season is that The Soup
constantly replayed an awesome clip in which Isaac "apologizes" to Shauvon for calling her a slut. That was a good clip. That was
a good clip.
Previously on The Real World Sydney
: Cohutta and Kelly Anne paired off, while Dunbar got a Lewinsky from Ashli.
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All the girls are having a nice bitch session about Dunbar being a playa. Isaac is stunned to learn of Ashli's sex act, because Dunbar allegedly has a girlfriend back home. They always do. In bed, Kelly Anne is somehow being charmed by Cohutta's dumb0ass Southern drawl.
The roommates go out to dance, and Cohutta is bummed that Kelly Anne is grinding with some Aussie native. He commands her not to act all slutty. That's like telling the sun not to set, so she goes back to dance, and he thinks he sees her flip him off. They fight, she storms off, and Ashli sticks her nose in the middle of it, trying to get Cohutta to accept Kelly Anne for who she is. Back at home, Cohutta calls up his grandpa for some girl advice. If you go to a bar with some girl you've been screwing for a couple months, and she starts booty dancing with some other dude, what do you do? Sadly, those are mostly his words, not mine. Grandpa more or less tells him to dump the ho.
Later that night in bed, Kelly Anne apologizes some more for being a slut and putting her ass on some other guy. The next morning, she's still sorry, but he apologizes for overreacting because she can't help dancing like a slut since she's "just a silly little girl." How low is this girl's self-esteem that she accepts that and falls for him?
In other Real World
relationship drama, Dunbar is worried that his girlfriend and her parents won't be too happy when they see him getting a BJ from some other girl on national TV. I think that's a safe bet, and Isaac brilliantly opines that Dunbar is so upset because he's screwed. At night, they get drunk at a bar, and Dunbar is proud to tell everyone he meets that Ashli is always on his member. Parisa is stunned, and Ashli is offended. Don't do the crime if you can't do the time.
Ashli is furious because she tried to keep it a secret. Parisa is furious that these two are being dumb as hell for doing this in the first place and reacting like this in the second place. I love Parisa. Ashli and Dunbar go outside to talk about this openly. She's kind of amused that he's willing to admit to their sex act despite the fact that he has a girlfriend back home. Dunbar says Ashli is dead to him about 17 times and calls her trash. She cries and he makes no sense. Parisa is stuck in the middle like a child whose parents are going through a messy divorce.
In the less messed up relationship (or more, depending how you look at it), Cohutta and Kelly Anne go out for seafood. She's amazed because when she first saw him, she thought he was a hillbilly, now she thinks he's one of the sexiest guys she's ever seen. So he hasn't changed, she just discovered she finds hillbillies sexy.
As the time to go home nears, Dunbar is freaked about returning to his girlfriend and Ashli doesn't want things to end badly with Dunbar. Seriously, why the hell does she care what he thinks about her anymore? He's still upset about how he's going to explain it to his girlfriend, but all Ashli wants is for him to care about her feelings first. She's not just a piece of ass, she claims, and he agrees, saying that's definitely not how it's gonna come across. Granted this is the only episode I've seen since the start, but that's exactly how it's coming across. Still, she heard what she wanted and has closure.
That night, Dunbar sneaks into her bedroom and wants to spoon, to prove to himself he can sleep in her bed without performing a sex act. Ashli refuses, because she's learned her lesson: never sleep with a guy who has a girlfriend. That's not really the kind of thing you need to do in order to learn, it should be common sense from the start, like not sticking your hand in a meat grind.
On their last night, everyone packs and reflects on their time. Parisa goes around, giving everyone a gift, pretending she's relevant at all on this show. Don't you know Parisa, if you don't have a long-lasting hook-up with a roommate, you don't get a lot of screentime. There are hugs and a bunch of empty talk about how they'll all be BFFs forever and ever. Dunbar tells Cohutta to "continue being one of the best human beings I've ever met." He needs to get out more. Rather than go straight home, Isaac is going out traveling with his Aussie lady love, Noreen. There's proof positive that Isaac is a smart guy: he went outside the house for his love. Cohutta is going to miss Parisa because she makes a mean grilled cheese sandwich. Surprise, surprise, he likes his women in the kitchen. Too bad she wasn't barefoot and pregnant, but I guess 1/3 will have to do.
That does it for The Real World: Sydney
, sort of. Next week, these clowns gather together again for a reunion show, and in two weeks, The Gauntlet 3
begins! Sometimes I think the only reason MTV even airs The Real World
anymore is to keep a fresh rotation of people for the challenges, which is where the real fun happens. Then, in the summer, the next season of The Real World
, this one in Hollywood. For once, the locals will be more fake than the people in the house.
And now, a special treat: Isaac's apology, the funniest thing I've ever seen on this show.
-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of MTV)