'The Real Housewives of Orange County' Recap: Pretty, Petty Princesses
'The Real Housewives of Orange County' Recap: Pretty, Petty Princesses
Alexis is having an event, so for that you evidently need an Event Stylist. Oh yeah, you're gonna want to move the Princess Room into the Adult Room. Her daughters are having a birthday party, and the theme is "Puppy Princess Party." Princesses who are puppies! Puppies who are princesses! And everything in between. Alexis leaves her Event Stylist for a moment to get spray tanned. The event staff moves the furniture all over the place as Alexis stands in her spray tent.

Slade invited Heather to help pick out Gretchen's engagement ring. She doesn't have a problem with Slade, and she's a nice, neutral classy lady. Gretchen wants a yellow diamond, like J. Lo. So the jeweler brings out a ring that costs $250,000. Slade says no, so the guy brings out a ring for $100,000. Ah, I see, and do you have layaway? Or do you do cubic zirconia? Slade makes a joke about burglaries, and the jeweler doesn't find it funny.

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Tamra arrives at Terry's office to get her tattoo surgically removed. She arrives with nervous diarrhea. She talks to Terry about her relationship with Eddie, which is looking to incorporate the kids. What does it all mean? No time to think about that, it's tattoo removal time. Goodbye, Finger Simon.

Uncle Billy is still in town, so Vicki spends some time talking at her brother. She is, of course, very concerned about Brianna. They haven't even gone to pre-marital counseling! Oh, but even though she's married, Brianna wants a full-blown wedding. Eat your cake and have it later. The talk moves to Donn, and Brooks, and other people with extra letters in their names here and there.

One hour to Puppy Princess Party! The four year olds get makeup! After asking that her daughters have more and more makeup, Alexis greets the woman bringing in all the cute puppies. There's so many of them! A puppy party is a great idea.

Gretchen and Heather meet at Heather's gorgeous house. She has a sitting area in her bathroom with a fireplace! Oh my god I die. The conversation turns to marriage--Gretchen is scared. And she doesn't want Slade's debt. She isn't sure that now is the best time to get married. Heather says, "does he know you feel this way?" and tries to be discreet from there. Heather is a good friend.

Gretchen wants to have babies soon, but she's still unsure about marriage, debt, and the financial responsibilities from there. She loves Slade, but not his financial situation. Heather recommends therapy.

Puppy pee pee on the floor! Code YELLOW, right guys? We're talking about the puppy party again, by the way. Someone wearing black pants and a white button-up shirt wipes the pee off the floor that Alexis pointed out. Then the princesses showed up. Some of their wigs were better than others. Alexis is wearing black at this pink-filled party, and makes a big, long speech before her daughters enter. I mean, it's really long, and inappropriate for children to have to sit and pretend to listen to. She talked about her blood clots, and her difficult delivery. Another public speaking coup for Alexis!

She tells the children that the puppies are all available to take home, and to work on convincing their parents. The parents look burdened. Alexis asks for another baby like children ask for a puppy. Jim looks burdened. At the end of the day, they ride in a horse-drawn Cinderella carriage. It's a memory that Alexis will cherish forever.

Heather calls Terry, and tells him she didn't get the part she auditioned for. She's sad, but relieved. It shot in Canada and would be too stressful to uproot her family.

Can I just say that Eddie is not looking as good as he used to? He looks a little haggard. Eddie and Tamra meet for dinner to talk about integrating children and not living together. She's worried Eddie will leave if she brings the kids around. All the noise and the stuff on the floor! Yuck. "If I can't take it, I can't take it, that's the reality," Eddie says not very reassuringly. I don't like Eddie anymore. The tattoo comes into the conversation naturally, and Tamra gets to reveal a tattoo-free, Frankenstein's monster stitched finger.

Vicki and Brianna have a conversation, but they might as well have sat at home and spoken into mirrors. It's moving too fast! It's not the same! I'm not ready for you to do this! Shut up! No, you shut up! Oh my god, Vicki should probably shut up, though. They start taking low blows at each other, and getting defensive. The conversation gets nowhere, and ends with Vicki yelling at her daughter, "It's not easy to be me!"


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