Return of the Former Housewives on 'Real Housewives of Orange County'
Return of the Former Housewives on 'Real Housewives of Orange County'
It's Gretchen's birthday, so Slade is taking her on a surprise outing. On a side note, Slade has taken up naked painting and I could not be more grossed out. Meanwhile, Alexis is continuing her Confrontation Tour, talking to Vicki about the mace. She also makes sure to tell Vicki that she's launching her own dress line ("I do things, too!").

Slade takes Gretchen to his art studio and brings out some takeout. He presents her with painter pants because her gift is for them to paint together. Gretchen isn't very excited about it, but Slade sure is. If Celebrity Apprentice has taught me anything, it's that they will create something that can sell for thousands of dollars. Except Slade wants Gretchen to keep it as her gift. Slade's painter friend, Daniel, also created a portrait of Gretchen. What is with all the Housewives having portraits of themselves made?

Peggy is having a dinner party and has hired Susan Feniger (of Top Chef Masters!) for it. Peggy and Micah didn't realize that Susan Feniger specializes in Mexican cuisine, so they suggest she change her strengths to suit their desire for a steakhouse. How could they not know when they walked into her obviously Latin American-themed restaurant? Micah isn't feeling any of it, and wants steaks and fried Oreos. After being kind of rude to their celebrity chef, Peggy and Micah decide on their menu (and decide to hire her after all. Lucky Susan?).

Vicki's daughter is going to Vegas, so Vicki reviews the rules about avoiding roofies with her. Sometimes it's good to have Vicki around, and other times not so much, like when she's pestering you to let her meet the new man in your life. I wouldn't know, but Briana would. Vicki will not tolerate tattoos, nor ice cream in the refrigerator.

Peggy and Tamra have been asked to walk in a Marisa Kenson fashion show. The theme is "alter egos," and maybe also big boobs. ENTER JEANA, looking spaced out and snatched. Tamra doesn't acknowledge Jeana, who is also there for the fashion show, showing off her new boot camp bod. Jeana, who is obviously Team Simon, sits down next to Tamra to find out some information. When does Jeana get the wine thrown in her face?!

Back to Alexis and her "good fashion tastes." She's about to be photographed in all the dresses for the hang tags. She wants the dresses to be couture, but doesn't know what that means. To our delight, Alexis comes out in a dress that looks like a skating costume with Cher/Auntie Mame sleeves. To make a point, Alexis grabs the scissors and cuts one of the sleeves off.

"See who's boss?!" Alexis says, having no idea how horridly she just behaved. Ahhhhhhhh, Alexis.

Tamra arrives at the fashion show, all freaked out about everything. Meanwhile, Jeana and Peggy have a nice chat, in which Jeana tries to figure Peggy out on the sly. Peggy is also hosting the event, so she doesn't have the time to talk Tamra off her ledge. Tamra is so nervous she even gets support from Jeana. I hope everyone got a good look at Peggy's high fashion catwalk! Eddie was there to support Tamra and it was really sweet. 

Briana and her friend/Vicki's employee Danielle arrive in Vegas. They decide to get messed up drunk and smoke a hookah. There are worse things she could do. Two weird, older-looking women came up to Briana and Danielle to hit on them and were unsuccessful. Briana passes out on the couch and misses a call from Vicki.

Former OC Housewife, Lynne shows up at Fernanda's gym to work out. Tamra was supposed to be there but she cancelled because last time she saw Fernanda "she was so weird." Lynne tells us this is her year, but for whatever reason they're all talking about Tamra. SO, Fernanda and Tamra kissed. Fernanda's ex-partner (who she was with at the time of the kiss) is pissed about it. But does it count as cheating if Tamra's just one of those lesbians-for-fun? Probably. That was a weird way to end the episode. A better way would be if Tamra threw a glass of wine in Jeana's face. All in good time.

(Image courtesy of Bravo)