Teresa, Get Your Gun on 'The Real Housewives of New Jersey'
Teresa, Get Your Gun on 'The Real Housewives of New Jersey'
When we last saw our New Jersey Housewives, Melissa and Teresa were having a sit-down. It really seems like the Joes are the problem, and it's something they need to work out. But maybe Joe Giudice doesn't care enough. I'm also pretty sure this fight has so much history that we haven't even seen, so it's hard to tell what exactly this is about. The wives agree that it's time to repair the family. Teresa went in for the weird hug, trying to end the conversation, but things are still tenuous.

Jacqueline enters the room to diffuse the situation with cookies, which gives Melissa the opportunity to bring out some old pictures of Teresa and Joe. Jacqueline tells them to get their stuff together, and invites Melissa and Joe Gorga to her cocktail party. Good job, Jacqueline.

Everyone's going to the Catskills now, except Kathy and Melissa. Melissa's daughter, Antonia, is in a ballroom dancing Christmas show, and I think Kathy is still on the outs with Caroline, Jacqueline, and Teresa. I love Teresa, and feel for her, but I'm really starting to understand where Melissa is coming from in her frustration with Teresa.

Kathy is feeling good about how she did with the Thanksgiving desserts, so she wants to start a dessert catering place. Rich likes the idea so much that he wants to start a restaurant. He sees Kathy as a good investment, but Kathy isn't sure she wants a restaurant.

Meanwhile, deep in the Catskills, the pasta and the guns are coming out. Someone gave Teresa a gun in the kitchen, but at least it wasn't loaded. And at least they're not hunting, because someone might see Teresa's furry boots and shoot her by mistake. Oh, and then Joe brought out his wine, which smells like "an old dog fart," according to Jacqueline.

Several glasses of dog fart wine later, the Giudices openly discuss their sex life, then everyone makes pizza at 1:30 am. Teresa and Jacqueline talk about Kathy, who Teresa is not ready to make up with. Their fathers had a falling out over $200, but "that's just the way the ball drops." . . .

To check out restaurant locations, Kathy put on her best Annie Hall getup. She says no to a nice restaurant that looks too much like a Jersey/Italian pizzeria. She needs to be feeling it to say yes to a restaurant.

Ew, oh god, no, ew. The last thing I ever wanted to hear about, let alone see, is Joe's cock ring.  After I threw up a million times, the group started shooting guns. Caroline needs to get there before things get too out of hand. Before arriving with her kids, Caroline says no quads and no guns. It's too late for all those things.

The men get to shootin' and the women get to shoppin'. They're all discussing Christmas shopping, and the Giudice Christmas budget. Do we even need to mention how Teresa looks like a citified bear with her fur-trimmed dress/vest and those big furry boots?

Back in New Jersey, the Gorgas are going to this ballroom dancing thing. And Joe is horny. Gross. Anyway, the Catskills were entertaining, but I love any time the Housewives throw a party or have some weird ballroom dancing event. I don't know what was happening, or why, but I did know that I wanted it to go on forever! The performances mixed with the husbands' reactions--it was too perfect. Christmas really did come early.

The episode ends with everyone dancing, in the Catskills and at the weird ballroom thing. At the bar in the Catskills, they had a pickup line contest with no winners. In the end, no one goes home without going to Teresa's private church, even though Caroline is more than ready. What a weird episode!

Next week Kim G is going to try to elbow her way onto the show again, and Jacqueline will tell her to "shut the f*** up"! I can't wait.

(image courtesy of Bravo)