There are a lot of battles that happen during the course of any given Real Housewives reunion
. And the ladies of The Real Housewives of Miami
duked it out last night in the last episode of the season. Let's break down the fights battle by battle and then deduce who won the reunion war.
Joanna vs. Lisa
Lisa comes out still irritated that Joanna's makeup artist attacked her back stage, so she throws the gloves off. She accuses Joanna of being a hooker in Poland, an accusation that Adriana is more than happy to collaborate. Joanna insinuates that Lisa can't stay pregnant because of how much she drinks and parties while she's pregnant.
Lisa ends up really losing her cool screaming at Joanna that everybody hates her, she's a terrible person, and that she doesn't care who she crushes on her way to the top. Although she does have a good point when she says that when Joanna insults her for her fertility problems, she's also insulting the thousands of women who go through the same thing across the country.Round one goes to: Joanna
As much as I hate to say it, Lisa really lost her cool and sunk to Joanna's low level. Lea vs. Marysol
Andy brings Marysol out to the couches and she has a giant bone to pick with Lea for ignoring her mother while she was in the hospital. But Lea has receipts! Again! Phone and text message records from when she sent Elsa well wishes. Marysol has receipts too, an iPad with a recording of her sick dad who said Lea was a liar and a video of a tweet where someone (not Lea, she was simply tagged
in the tweet) did bad/drunken impressions of Mama Elsa. Round two goes to: Lea
She who has the best receipts will always emerge victorious. Lisa vs. Alexia
Lisa accuses Alexia of hiding her personality because she is afraid of her husband. Alexia corrects her, saying that just because she doesn't get wasted and dance on a stripper pole doesn't mean she doesn't have a personality.
Then Alexia says she was offended by some of the comments that Lisa made about the Cuban ladies (Alexia, Ana and Marysol) being like a Cuban gang. Lisa lists off all of the reasons why she's not a racist, instead of just apologizing for what may have been an insensitive comment. Round three goes to: Alexia
Man, Lisa is getting crushed tonight. Maybe she should take a tiny bit more responsibility and not be so nasty. Alexia vs. Lea
Lea does not appreciate that her so-called "friend" Alexia has been bad-mouthing her all season. She says she never said the bad things about Alexia's son deserving to go to jail, and she never would because she's always done a lot of charity work to keep kids in school and out of jail.
Alexia doesn't think that what she was doing to Lea was bad-mouthing. She defends her right to be friends with both Adriana and Lea even if they're fighting. Round four goes to: Draw
Both Lea and Alexia have valid points. Alexia shouldn't have believed what Adriana said since she was merely trying to turn her against Lea and Lea shouldn't be mad at Alexia for being caught in the middle. Adriana vs. Joanna
After having made up in Vegas, Andy asks these two if they'll ever be friends again. Joanna says that after tonight, they are back to square one. She can't ever forgive Adriana for calling her husband gay or saying that he has a "limp penis." Adriana says to Joanna then she shouldn't have been talking about his impotence all season, to which Joanna responds with an assurance that her husband does indeed have a large and highly functional penis. Good to know. Round five goes to: Adriana
Adriana was successfully pushing Joanna's buttons. Also, Joanna is disgusting.
So who won the reunion? Alexia managed to stay classy while still standing up for herself. Lisa called Joanna out for being the horrible person that she is. Lea brought the most receipts. But I would have to say...Victor: Adriana
Adriana was responsible for the best one-liners of this season's reunion for sure. But she is also a winner because not only was she the most entertaining, but she managed to stay 100 percent her crazy self. Never change Adriana. Never change. (Image and videos courtesy of Bravo)