Oh good, another supersized episode, which means 15 extra minutes of yelling! The last time we saw the Atlanta Housewives, Kim and NeNe were fighting on the tour bus. And Kim said one of the Real Housewife buzz phrases, "get your finger out of my face." Everyone take a drink!
The editing made it look like Kim, NeNe, and Kandi came off the bus straight after the argument, but we all know that's not true. Anyway, they got off the bus at this fancy house and there was a Velociraptor in the shrubbery behind them! Approve!
Cynthia thought she was getting away from all the drama, but the drama came to Miami.
Sheree invited Lawrence to the girls' weekend. YES! Thank God. Kandi comes off the bus and Kim and NeNe are still fighting. Maybe Lawrence can ease the tension. What is Derek J doing there? Not that it matters anymore. NeNe is still being awful when she meets Thomas Kramer, real estate mogul. Geez, NeNe won't quit! For once, Phaedra looks totally normal and composed.Welcome to My Nightmare
By the way, the mansion is decorated totally crazy. Not even eccentric chic, it's just creepy and nuts. I love the giraffe, though! Didn't Kathy Griffin look at this house on My Life on the D-List
when she was looking at places in Miami? I remember that taxidermied dog. Not that it matters; things are about to get real!
This weekend seems like no fun at all, the way Kim and NeNe are acting. Kim chalks NeNe's behavior up to "jealousy" (everyone drink again!) NeNe wants to go to a hotel instead of staying at the crazy Kramer manor. The other Housewives talk her out of it. For now. No one was supposed to bring anyone else, so Lawrence's eventual presence will cause some more issues.
The Housewives have an awkward dinner beneath a one-legged goat man. Cynthia discusses the issues with her impending marriage, then Lawrence walks in. I know it's breaking the "rules," but good work, Sheree! This makes it so that most of the 'wives have someone there with them, except NeNe. So NeNe called/invited her friend Diana. Whatever it takes!
Umm what is going on with Kim and Thomas? Gross. If Lawrence doesn't think it's weird, I'm fine with it. Show Time
Kim and Kandi have their final show at an outdoor music festival that afternoon, followed by Cynthia's fashion show. After a cigarette, Kim performs "Tardy for the Party" to a lukewarm reception. NeNe watched from the sidelines, disapprovingly. Phaedra and Sheree thought Kim did a good job, and Phaedra is an Entertainment Lawyer, you guys. She knows. Then Kandi performed and actually
did a good job. After the concert, Kim and NeNe continue to hate each other.
Diana meets the girls for lunch, and Kim is not happy, calling Diana "The Hulk." Why? Did NeNe invite Diana to antagonize Kim, as Sheree suggested? I wouldn't put it past her. Sweetie is about to leave, and Kim tells her not to because it's not about Cynthia anymore. Oh GOD. NeNe, I love you but you are getting ridiculous.
Diana says, "I'm drama free," and she and Kim get into an argument. How am I sort of on Kim's side this time? This is all nonsense! Sheree brings all the girls (and Lawrence) together for a workout to get everyone happy. Kim doesn't work out because she's on her period. Like she still gets it. Just kidding!
Cynthia is getting ready for her fashion show and she's like, "I'm old, I haven't done this in a while, I haven't been to the gym," and continues to tear herself apart, as all brides do before their wedding. But Cynthia looks amazing! She worked it and NeNe decided Cynthia was one of the few people left she approves of. Phaedra didn't think Cynthia('s butt) looked good. She's an Entertainment Lawyer. She knows.Cynthia Can't Even Commit to a Bachelorette Party
Phaedra brought up the idea of staying another day and Cynthia beat everyone else to the rejection with, "NO!" awkward silence, "I have a lot to do." Yeah, she does. Cynthia's been getting a lot of emails about final payments and then bursts into tears when Kandi asked about the honeymoon. Oh my god, poor Cynthia! NeNe follows her out of the room, suggesting they leave immediately.
With Cynthia out of the room, the other Housewives agree Cynthia should put the wedding on hold and that she is having it for everybody else. Phaedra thinks Cynthia is ready to be a four-time (four time? three time? five time?) runaway bride. Cynthia comes back and tells the girls that Uptown is closed and she doesn't think they'll be able to afford a honeymoon. Phaedra looked like she was thinking, "get your mind right!"
The Housewives share their thoughts with Cynthia, then NeNe announces that they're leaving before the bachelorette party even happens. Cynthia isn't sure if she's leaving with NeNe or not and the Housewives are like, "uhhhhhh," and Sheree is like, "you ungrateful bitch!" But it's awkward, you guys! The Housewives decide they will forge ahead with their plan for strippers whether Cynthia is there or not.
Cynthia wants to leave because she doesn't feel like it, but Sheree is not having it. NeNe and Sheree play tug-of-war until Sheree wins and they agree to stay for the party.
At least Lawrence is there to do imitations of all the Housewives. I love him so much. The mood lightens and they go back to talking about their favorite lady topic: sex. Oh Cynthia, she's way out of her league with those women. In the end, a dislike of bad breath and a love of strippers brought them all together.
Phaedra brought in some high quality (debatable) male strippers. She's an Entertainment Lawyer. She knows! Cynthia was glad she decided to stay. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.Will Cynthia be able to walk down the aisle? SHOULD she marry Peter? The finale looks MAJOR!
(images courtesy of Bravo)