The Mole 5: Episode 5 Recap
The Mole 5: Episode 5 Recap
Last week on The Mole, the fifteen viewers still tuning in to the show watched as host Jon Kelley forced the contestants to carry gold bricks up a mountain.  Craig nearly died from hypothermia, but at least $14,250 was added to the pot for his troubles.  Later, Jon pulled a deliciously evil stunt by burning each player's journal on a giant bonfire, with only Craig and Alex's books escaping the flames.  Mark nearly threw himself into the ocean after this event, so distraught he was to lose all of his "I Heart Jon Kelley" scribblings.  After taking the quiz about the mole, Victoria was eliminated from the competition.

Tonight, the remaining contestants have to work together to escape the freezing cold, and one player finds out what it's like to be loathed.

Though I seem to be alone on this one, I still find Craig and his whole "I nearly died in a hospital" shtick rather fishy.  For all we know he's a triathlete who regularly runs in freezing cold temperatures every morning.  It's possible, right?

The players meet Jon at a local landmark, where he chains everyone's legs together and shackles them to iron bars.  Across the room is a cage containing a key and an exemption.  Each player has an opportunity to go for the key, but the contestants have to decide if they trust each other not to take the exemption.  If someone takes the exemption not only will $25,000 be left out of the pot, but all the other players will have to sleep outside in the freezing weather.  Will one of the teammates decide to screw everyone over?

The players debate on who should go for the cage, and eventually decide that sickly Craig will go first.  He unlocks his chains and leaves the exemption.  Kristen is the next to leave, and afterwards Paul swears on his daughter's life that he'll leave the exemption if they allow him to go.  The players don't believe him, but he actually does the right thing and leaves the free pass behind.

Mark's doomed love affair with his journal is kind of frightening to me.  Everyone is afraid he'll take the exemption due to his horrible loss, which results in much arguing.  The guy acts like his puppy got run over by an ice cream truck or something.  After every other player unlocks themselves and goes back to the cabin, Mark walks up to the cage and debates whether to screw his teammates by snagging the free pass.  When he walks into dinner, he reveals to the rest of the players that he didn't take it.  $25,000 is added to the pot.

Jon plays Santa Claus and gives everyone new journals.  You might think Mark would take the book and learn to love again, but he says that his original journal is irreplaceable.  I guess it's like if your wife dies, you can't just replace her with her twin sister or a clone or something.  Nothing will ever fill the hole in his heart quite like his original journal.

Jon sends everyone on a road trip to Mendoza, which allows Paul and Clay to reenact scenes from Little Miss Sunshine by bickering with each other in the van.  It starts with Paul not wanting to reveal his birth date, and culminates in the duo preparing to get out and brawl on the side of the road.  Things get even worse when Clay throws a lemon at Paul's head, but everything ends anticlimactically when Clay decides to switch vans.

The next day, Jon tells the players that they'll be traveling over five miles in teams of two, eventually arriving at a famous Argentinian statue.  Because Craig happened to mention the word "exemption" at breakfast, he's put in charge of dividing the teams and choosing their forms of transportation.  He'll also get an exemption if people fail to make it to the statue on time.

Jon shows Craig the different transportation options, which includes stilts, bikes, scooters and a fluffy llama costume.  Craig wants that exemption, so he has Alex and Mark dress up in wacky costumes and walk a donkey to the finish line.  Clay and Kristen are also teamed up, with him on a unicycle and her on stilts.  Nicole and Paul get the llama suit, with Paul fittingly chosen to be the ass of the animal.

While everyone agrees that they hate Craig, the players can't come to a consensus on whether they should bother with the mission.  They eventually decide to opt out and take a van to the statue instead.  Craig thinks Mark may be the mole since he managed to rally everyone together to ditch the mission.  It doesn't matter who's to blame, Craig gets an exemption anyway.

At dinner that night, Craig begins to realize that he's surrounded by crazy people.  This gives the editors the opportunity to show Nicole's "I could kill you in your sleep" clip yet again, which I still find absolutely hilarious.  With dinner finished and everyone loathing Craig, it's time for the players to take this week's mole quiz.

Jon sits the players down and prepares for the wonderfully overdramatic execution ceremony.  There was once again a tie on the quiz this week, so the challenger with the slower time will be the one going home.  After telling numerous players they're safe, Jon reveals that Kristen is executed.

The Mole won't be on next week, but it'll return on July 14 with an episode that gives the players the chance to bungee jump off a bridge.  Will Mark be a wuss and opt out of that one too?

- Don Williams, BuddyTV Staff Writer
(Image courtesy of ABC)