I think it's a statistical fact that about 50% of the viewing figures NBC gets for The Biggest Loser come from people who tune in for the finale and only the finale. Actually, I'm not sure of that figure at all. Don't quote me on it. But what I do know is that the finale is the best. You get to see all the dramatic results of the contestants, without having to watch any of the blood, sweat and tears that went into how they got that way. Instant gratification, if that's your thing.
Personally, I enjoyed watching the contestants navigate their own personal weight-loss journeys this season, and tonight I'm as proud of them as I would be of my own children. Let's get things started, shall we?
First thing's first: HOLY CLEAVAGE, ALISON SWEENEY. After a whole season of seriously questionable wardrobe choices, I'm not sure whether I'm relieved or appalled to see her wearing a skintight, plunging, shiny tangerine dress. Doesn't this woman have children?
Alison talks dramatically about the season over a montage of clips that we have all seen approximately a jillion times before. Then she uses equal amounts of drama to "introduce" us to The Scale. Hello, Scale. I don't know if you remember me, but we've been meeting here, at the same time each week, for the past five months. Quite frankly, I'm a little offended that you didn't recognize me.
America has decided-- will the third finalist be Irene or Jay? Alison brings them both out and they both look incredible, of course. It's so moving to see them walk out next to their holograms. Irene throws a little punch at hers. Adorable.
Jay has gotten a tattoo on his arm that says, "What you're here for strengthens you," with the date of the finale underneath it in Roman numerals. He says that it will be his lifetime motivation for weight loss, much like his permanent marker goals were during the season.
Irene tells Alison that she no longer feels emotionally closed off or distant. She talks about how glad she is that she now has the ability to be proud of what she has done with her life. Then, Alison announces that American has voted for Irene, and that she will be the third finalist, so she has even more to be proud of, now. Good for you, Irene!
As you all know, this season is Jillian's last on The Biggest Loser. Alison thanks her on behalf of all contestants, current and previous, and she gets a standing ovation while the other trainers back her up and look kind of wooden. Cara, in particular, looks like she thinks she smells something bad, but isn't sure where the smell is coming from. Cute, Cara.
At Home Results
Ana, Marci and Courtney
Alison begins bringing out the at-home contestants in groups of three. First up are Ana, Courtney and Marci. They all, of course, look incredible. However, I think the most amazing is Ana, because she was only on the show for one week and still got these amazing results! It's also good to see Courtney and Marci again. Man, I missed Courtney!
Ana is weighed first. She started at 255 lbs, and now she weighs 146 lbs. She lost a total of 109 lbs almost completely on her own, which is nothing short of amazing and mind-boggling. So proud of her! Her percentage is 42.75%.
Courtney's starting weight was 323. She now weighs 214, for a total of 110 lbs and 34.06% lost.
Marci's starting weight was 238. She now weighs 152 lbs, and looks incredible. She has bigger muscles than I do! She has lost 86 lbs and 36.13%.
So far, Ana is in the lead for the at-home prize, with an amazing 42.75% of weight lost.
Dan, Don, Q and Larialmy
Next up at Dan, Don, Q and Larialmy. Not to play favorites, but Dan and Don especially look fantastic. Also, I'm glad that one of them went for the full suit while the other opted for jeans and blazer, otherwise there is no way I would have been able to tell them apart.
Dan has gone from 287 to 163 lbs. He has lost 124 lbs for a total of 43.21%, usurping Ana's lead.
Don has gone from 309 to 179 lbs, for a total of 130 lbs lost, which is amazing but not enough to beat his brother. He's okay with that, though, because his relationship with his estranged son is back on track, which was his first priority all along.
Q's starting weight was 437. He has lost 93 lbs and now weighs 344 lbs. His total is 41%.
Larialmy has gone from 301 to 217 lb, for an amazing 87 lbs and 27.91%.
Moses, Kaylee, Ken and Austin
Moses is up next! Sweet Moses! He had to have been one of my very favorite contestants from this season, hands down. He thanks Cara for being so great to him, and helping him find ways to work out, despite his early injuries. His starting weight was 440, but now he is down to 287. He is at 34.77%, so Dan is still our current champion.
Next up is Kaylee, who looks basically the same as she did when she left the show. Nothing wrong with that. She has gone from 233 to 179 lbs, and is at 23.18%.
Ken is up next. He mentions how The Biggest Loser has changed his life and enabled him to be the leader that his family needs. He loses an amazing 158 lbs to go from 377 to 219. His percentage is 41.91%.
Austin's starting weight was 396. He loses 174 lbs. He now weighs 222lbs and is at 43.94%. Austin is the new leader in at-home weight loss, usurping Dan. GO AUSTIN!
Sarah, Deni, Arthur and Jesse
Sarah is the first up to weigh in. I know she's probably wearing hair extensions and a ton of makeup, but she looks absolutely beautiful. Like, stunning. Like, better than Alison Sweeney, dare I say it. Sarah has gone from 261 lbs to 155 lbs. She has lost 106 lbs and 40.61% of her previous body weight. I'm so happy for her, and I hope that this contributes to healing some of the medical problems she was having before the show. Amazing, Sarah!
Deni is up next. Deni looks phenomenal. We didn't get to know her very well on the season, but obviously she took something away from it before she was votes off! She says, "We are all the biggest winners!" She then proceeds to lose a stunning 125 lbs, plunging her from 256 lbs to 131 lbs. Her percentage of weight lost is 48.83%. YOU GUYS. That is almost 50%. She sweeps the lead from Austin, who loses it with good grace and tells her how amazing she looks. Deni is the new leader in at-home weight loss.
Arthur is up next, and he dances his way to the scale. Arthur has gone from 507 lbs to 344 lbs. He has lost an amazing 163 lbs for 32.15%. This is amazing for him, and I truly hope he continues to lose at home, and to increase his personal health.
Jesse seems to be wearing a leather tie and he looks sharp. I love Jesse! He, too, dances on the scale. He has gone from 293 lbs to 210 lbs. He has lost 83 lbs and 28.33%. And, you know what? He looks great and healthy. Good for you, Jesse!
Jay, Jenn and Justin
We saw Jay already, and we love Jay, but he's just not exciting anymore. We know about your new tattoo, Jay. Yawn.
Jenn is wearing a silver sequinned dress with long sleeves. And, even though we all know how I feel about Jenn, I do kind of love her dress. Justin also has a new look...longer hair with blonde highlights and a clean-shaved face. He looks a little like Ryan Seacrest or something. I'm having a hard time matching up this new mystery figure with the Justin I knew on the show.
Jenn loses 114 total lbs. She started at 278 and shrank herself down to 164, for a percentage of 41.01%.
Justin began at 365 lbs, and now weighs192 lbs. He lost 173 lbs, which is incredible but only puts him at 47.40%, which is not quite enough to beat Deni.
Jay is the last of the at-home contestants to weigh in. (Rulon is not competing because he voluntarily left the show, thus disqualifying him from winning the at-home prize.) Jay began his weight loss jounry at 400 lbs. Today, he weighs 219 lbs. He las lost 181 lbs.
Deni wins the at-home prize!
Final Three Contestants
Oh, but wait, before we can get to finding out who won, there is some gratuitous footage of Anna Kournikova playing tennis and then explaining to the camera that she is replacing Jillian next season. She stomps out in a pair of truly ridiculous nude platform pumps and cheek-kisses Alison before stomping back off-stage again.
Okay. So now we know.
Final Three Contestants, But Seriously This Time
Hannah, Irene and Olivia all come out on stage to applause. We've already seen Irene, but it's stunning how great Hannah and Olvia look. Someone fixed the mess that Ken Paves made of Hannah's hair, and someone else hacked off all that Olvia had left. Hannah tells a funny story about getting hit on at the gym and not realizing that the guy wasn't talking to the girl behind her. Then they show a whole reel of funny Hannah moments, because she was probably the most entertaining person on the show. Then we find out that Olivia's husband, Ben, lost 113 lbs at home while she was at the Ranch, make them perhaps the most frighteningly driven couple of all time.
Hannah weighs in first. From an original 248 lbs, Hannah now weighs 128 lbs. She has lost 120 lbs and 48.39%.
From an original 255, Irene has lost 116 lbs. She now weighs 139 lbs. Her total percentage of weight lost is 45.49%.
Last to weigh in is Olivia. At this point, it is between the two sisters. Surprise! Who didn't see that one coming?
Olivia originally weighed 261 lbs. She now weighs 132 lbs for a total of 129 lbs lost. That is enough to beat Hannah. She has officially won!
Olivia is the new Biggest Loser for Season 11. And she is covered in glitter and $250,000 richer. Good for her.
It has been a pleasure watching with you guys. Who did you think was going to win? Was Olivia who you expected?
(Image courtesy of NBC)