You worked hard this year, and so did your brain. Summer is the perfect time for both of you to kick back and take it easy.
Thankfully, the networks take the same approach to their summer programming, filling the primetime hours with delightfully fluffy fodder, like carnival cotton candy for your mind and soul. Light, delicious, undeniably good for you. So don't feel embarrassed. Instead, embrace the fun, let your brain take a breather and tune in (then tune out) with these five ridiculous reality shows coming our way this summer:
The BacheloretteMondays at 8pm on ABC
You need to read a paragraph to convince you to watch The Bachelorette
? You're kidding me, right? It's the best-worst-BEST reality dating show ever created. It's been around for almost 100 years, and they're still finding ways to make it exciting and ridiculous. The Bachelor(ette)
is invincible, and if you watch it, you know why: It's feelings-porn. Over-the-top, insanely unrealistic but irresistible feelings-porn for your heart. In this week's premiere, a guy showed up IN A MASK, and another guy got so drunk he couldn't talk, and another guy is "there for the wrong reasons!" Later, they're going to Thailand, and someone goes to the hospital, and Ashley will cry A LOT. Ahhh!
He's the worst bachelor they've "EVER" seen, and there's going to be a fake wedding next week! Don't you understand what that MEANS? It means this season will be amazing. I'm obsessed
with this terrible, terrible, wonderful
, terrible show, and if you're not, too, you're missing out
. Love in the WildPremieres June 1 at 10pm on NBC
They're not advertising it this way, but I think they should: Love in the Wild
is like The Hunger Games
, but opposite. Ten men and women are sent into the rugged jungles of Costa Rica to entertain us, but instead of killing each other, they are encouraged to multiply
. NBC is calling it an "extreme dating experiment." I call it an
opportunity to watch people I will probably hate go through simultaneous
physical and emotional tortures while also worrying if their hair looks
OK.Love in the Wild
is bound to be an instant summer classic ... and possibly one of the final harbingers of End Times. The contestants look pretty good
, though.101 Ways to Leave a Game ShowPremieres Tuesday, June 21 at 9pm on ABC
You know how you watch most trivia game shows hoping the contestants will win? Well 101 Ways to Leave a Game Show
should fix that benevolence right up, because on this show, all the fun happens when the player gets the answer wrong. It's like Wipe Out
meets Million Dollar Money Drop
, except instead of the money, they drop you
. The producers at ABC have come up with 101 ways to terrify and humiliate their show's losers on the way out the door (aka my dream job), and this summer, America will finally get its own version of THIS:
Middle-aged women in helmets weeping inside shopping carts who are then dumped into sparkling blue pool of BROKEN DREAMS? That hot British guy is right. This is
Premieres Thursday, June 23 at 9pm on ABC
If Mark Burnett is the James Cameron of reality television, then Expedition Impossible
is his Avatar.
And like Avatar
, it promises to be visually spectacular but still light and fluffy when it comes to the actual story -- just the way we like our summer blockbusters! It sounds a lot like that reality show that Burnett didn't create, The Amazing Race
, except they're in teams of three, and every challenge has a mandatory 110% rating on the EPIC-ometer.
After finishing first in the final of the 10 total legs of this adventure, each winning team member will get $50,000 and a new Ford Explorer. An "EXPLORER," get it? Because that's what they
are. (And if a cat-and-mouse adventure is more up your alley, make sure to watch Take the Money and Run
on ABC in August, when "real people" will try to carry around big loads of cash and evade capture by "real life law enforcement." FUN! I hope they get disguises!)Same NamePremieres Sunday, July 24 at 9pm on CBS
Now that Dancing with the Stars
is over, are you in need of a new C-list Celebrity Embarrassment Vehicle? Then Same Name
is for you. Each week, a celebrity and one of us lowly commoners with -- you guessed it! -- the same name will trade lives, and knee-slapping Prince and the Pauper
-esque mishaps will ensue. Finally, the TV show concept dreamed up by a million stoners will have its moment in the sun!
TWO David Hasselhoffs? And one of them (the poor one) has an inadequate shower in the eyes of the other one (the rich, washed-up one)? July 24 can't come soon enough.
And don't forget those summer Bravo reality shows
. Your brain will thank you (when it wakes up).
(Image courtesy of NBC)