Numba THREE: Kiptyn in California.

Jill oozes her pleasure over Kiptyn when she arrives at the picturesque beach front meeting place, saying she usually falls for guys she can't have, but with Kiptyn... she CAN HAVE IT ALL! After going to two very nice and spacious upper middle class abodes, Jill is intimidated by Kiptyn's parents' digs, worrying they will think she is a hick. THEY SPEAK FRENCH! And make sure she knows it. They also perform an "indoctrination," which is a rich-person word for blind taste test, and Jillian picks the right wine and lasagna, which means she is good enough for their son, because of how having the right taste in lasagna and red wine makes you a good wife.

Kip's mom grills Jillian with questions like, "What would you change about yourself if you could?" and Jillian doesn't answer them directly with responses like, "I work too hard for love." Ah-wuuuut was that?

Kiptyn's sister, who came ALL THE WAY from the Twilight books to meet Jillian, worries that Kiptyn might be duped into an engagement too quickly because of this whole "being on reality TV and basically being forced into proposing if you're in the final 2" thing. But Kiptyn says he is weeks away (WEEKS!) from the idea of proposing, so he'll worry about that then. Don't sweat the small stuff, sis! (If vampires could sweat, that is. Don't they just... glitter?)

Kiptyn and Jillian end their date by a dip into Kip's caution-taped-off jacuzzi. As mother dearest watches from inside. Watching. Always watching.

Fourth hometown date: Jesse in California.Jillian lands at the Kovac Brothers winery, and boy is she PUMPED to drink some chardonnay because it's not like this entire show hasn't been an elaborate excuse for her to be wasted every day for 2 months (SARCASM TRANSLATOR: yes it was!)

She meets Jesse's Hungarian-native parents and his brother Jacob, who looks like a mix between Brian Posehn and Macho Man Randy Savage. Yes, that is an appropriate analogy, look it up. Jacob tells Jillian that he's single and plans to stay that way because GIRLS ARE EXPENSIVE! They're always like, "BUY ME DINNER! BUY ME AN ENGAGEMENT RING! BUY ME A BABY!" You know?

Jesse tells his brother he wants to get married and have kids within the next 5 years, and Jacob is like, "Ah-wuuuut now?" Jacob eventually comes around to Jillian, who wins him over with her "cutie"-ness, except he also tells Jillian that Jesse is an "emotional ice cube," which is probably the worst possible thing he could have said about someone who is trying to fall in love and get engaged in 8 weeks or whatever this timeline is.

Jesse and Jillian end their date with a family jam session and a quite make-out.
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AAAND finally, Hometown Date #5: Wes in Austin.
 
Jill meets Wes, says she missed him, and he doesn't say it back, which really sets the tone for their date. She then meets his "family," THE BAND. Except she less meets them and more just stands there while they play. (Or, if she did meet them, we didn't get to. Lame.)

Jill is loving fantasizing about standing backstage listening to her man sing, and she's on a real high after hearing her song again. (You know the one, "They say that love / It doesn't happen on Reality TV," is that how it goes?) But OH NO: Jake is here to tell Jillian that Wes has a girlfriend! And that he's a spokesperson for a brand new product! Oh, here it is:



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