'Bachelor' Season Premiere Recap: Seatbelts Fastened, Tray Tables Locked, Barf Bags Out (Page 2)
'Bachelor' Season Premiere Recap: Seatbelts Fastened, Tray Tables Locked, Barf Bags Out (Page 2)
Meghan Carlson
Meghan Carlson
Senior Writer, BuddyTV

Limo #1
Rozlyn: "My name actually means little rose, in case you have any trouble remembering me at the rose ceremony." And: "You should probably fasten your seatbelt, because it's going to be a bumpy ride!" (First Pilot Pun!)
Emily: "You are even more handsome in person." And she says she wouldn't be here if it wasn't him.
Ali: Jake laughs when he sees her. She lost her voice today, and hands him a peacock feather, since peacocks use them to "attract a mate."
Jessie: Feels his arms and asks, "Do you have a registry for these guns?" She laughs. He doesn't.
Tenley: Commends Jake from his time on The Bachelorette. "I thought it was incredibly admirable of you that you checked your pride at the door, and did something that you thought was right."

Limo #2
Ella: "How does it feel to be talkin' to the woman that you're going to marry?"
Kathryn: "When you need a breath of fresh air, I want you to come find me."
Caitlyn: "I wanted to say one thing: You look amazing in a suit, but I can't wait to see you in a uniform."
Elizabeth (KY): Hands him a coin, and says, "heads she stays, tails she goes." It's heads... because it's a double-sided coin.
Alexa: Wears her Harley gloves, and says, "Allow me to drive your plane, and then I'll allow you to ride my Harley."

Limo #3
Vienna: "First things first, I want to feel these famous abs." (Does that really qualify as a "first thing"?)
Corrie: "What do you think about Kissime? ...Kissime, Florida." Which is where she's from.
Kimberly: She's from Oklahoma, so it's significant when she says, "Just for you, this one time: Hook 'em Horns."
Valishia: Just got back from a family reunion in Texas, so she brought him something to show "their common ground." It's a little bag of soil from Texas.
Gia: Before she said she was a model and ballet dancer, but now she tells Jake that she owns a hair salon in Manhattan? She offers to do his hair sometime.

Limo #4
Elizabeth (NE): Tells Jake to "close [his] eyes, take a deep breath, and picture [his] favorite place." Jake: "Right here, right now." (Mind-blank much?) Liz says hers is snowboarding.
Channy: She talks to him in Cambodian, and then says, "If you want to know what that means, you'll have to come find me tonight."
Ashley: Hands Jake the "Jake and Ashley picker machine" because "The running joke is that I have a broken picker." Luckily, every option on the picker is Ashley. Who'da thunk it?
Tiana: When she was watching the show last season, she told her girlfriends, "That's my future husband, he just doesn't know it yet."
Christina: She brought jelly beans as a little parting gift for all the other girls. "Since I'm going to win." Something about the look on Jake's face tells us he's not so sure.

Limo #5
Ashleigh: Trips and falls right into his arms. It's actually adorable, especially because she recovers with a hearty laugh.
Kirsten: "I think Jillian was so stupid for letting you go, I kind of wanted to slap her when she did it." Kirsten's 2 for 2 when it comes to violence-referencing soundbites. Should we be worried?
Stephanie: She's a major Melissa Rycroft lookalike, and being a dance teacher just reinforces the association. She asks Jake for the first dance.
Sheila: She gives Jake a pair of aviators, "since you and I are a pair of aviators." Translation: she's also a pilot.
Michelle: Flies over to him with her arms out, and says, "Hopefully in the end I could become your co-pilot." And then adds, with a sort of Norman Bates intensity, "I would love to be a passenger in your plane."

...which brings our Pilot Pun Count to 4.

I don't even know how many pilot references there have been already, but I'd guess close to 20.

Jake thanks the group for coming on the show, and says he is genuinely there to find his best friend and get married.

Ashleigh: "I really want that one on one time so Jake and I can get a direct flight to romance."

Jake grabs Ali for a one on one, and she admits that she used to be scared of flying. She trips and rips her dress, and says she's going to keep the rip and say, "That's the day I fell for you."

Jake: "Ali's very refreshing. I like that she's different."

Corrie grabs Jake, and he tells her that his top three priorities are "God, family, and friends. In that order."

Channy tells Jake that the English translation of her Cambodian come-on is "Jake, you can land your plane on my landing strip anytime."

Pilot Pun Count: 6 (Or 300,006 if you count how DISTURBING that last one was...)

Christina admits that she's a bit jealous of all the big boobies out to play tonight. The cleavage-bearers are "rubbing her the wrong way." How do you think they're rubbing Jake?

Ella steals Jake away so she "could tell him about the love of his life." Ella is the Jake (aka Come-On-Too-Strong Kid) of this season. She tells him she's a mom to a 7-year-old who wants to be a pilot. Awww!


copilotishere.jpgAshley puts on a flight attendant outfit ("His co-pilot's here!") and steals Jake away to show off some leg and tell him that she's working on a Ph.D. Talk about a walking contradiction. With a huge head! (No, seriously. She admits it.)

Besides her self-respect, Ashley also does major damage to the Pilot Pun Count, putting it at 9.

Elizabeth (NE) comes to rescue Jake, and they throw the football around as they get to know each other. The other girls come out and start a Blondes versus Brunettes football game. They kick off their shoes and appear to play a messy game of Scream at the Top of Your Lungs Tag, with the Brunettes winning out.

Chris brings out the rose and explains its meaning (which is pretty self-explanatory). It evokes an insane reaction from at least one woman...

Michelle: "It will kill me if I don't get that First Impression Rose. Where I am in life right now, I deserve Jake. Filling in that missing spot, the husband, children, will just make me feel... even."

Michelle gets super-intense lazer eyes as she tells Rozlyn that she wants to marry Jake and have babies ASAP. Rozlyn: 

rozlyn-whut.jpgDITTO, Rozlyn! DITTO!

Vienna tells Jake that she is one of the happiest people you'll ever meet. (She's the one you see crying in all the promos.)

Jake finds out Kathryn is a flight attendant who wears a fake engagement right to ward off creepy passengers. She gives Jake the ring because she doesn't want to pretend anymore.

Stephanie grabs Jake for the "first dance" as the others watch like lions over an antelope carcass. Ready to pounce. Except poor little Michelle, who is really unraveling at this point, and starts crying out of jealousy and stress. "I'm GOING to get that rose," she says with murderous intent. Michelle approaches Jake, still sniffling, and asks for one on one time with him.

Vienna: "She's having a mental breakdown, and we've only been here for an hour! I don't know, she seems very annoying."

Jake: "Michelle's a very emotional person, and I relate a little bit." At least he knows himself.

Pilot Pun Count: 10

Next... Jake gives out the First Impression Rose, two surprise guests arrive, more cocktail party drama, AND the first ROSE CEREMONY!

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