In this segment, I read what Brad Womack and Chris Harrison write in their post-show
Bachelor blogs, and tell you what I think they're really saying. Or what they're really not
Costa Rica! The land of pura vida
, the good life, and that's what everyone got a taste of last night on The Bachelor.
Between all the ziplining, waterfall-rappelling, horseback-riding and cave-exploring, there was also a whole lot of kissing, crying, screaming, and manipulating! Sounds like the perfect vacation to me.
What did Brad and Chris think of their adventure to Central America? And what aren't they telling us? To the blogs!First, let's say hi to Chris. Hi Chris! Now let's pick apart everything he says:
"The viewers have spoken and the women's ages are back. This should let you know that we do try to listen to our fans and when we can give them what they want."
Hey Chris! I'm a big fan! What if I want this show to feature intelligent people of appropriate relative ages to each other? Or how about if you stop casting crazy actresses who you then allow to hijack your show and say whatever nonsense crazy-thoughts she wants? Or how about you find a new Bachelor instead of casting the same guy over and over? I would like to formally submit all these requests to the Bachelor Suggestion Box, please."The ladies were extremely excited to head to Costa Rica even though most
of them had no idea exactly where it was, and most thought it was an
America, this is our education system at work."One day a couple of us were on a tour bus returning from a zip line trip
with a few other American tourists. When we pulled up to the Spring
Resort the tourists wondered how we could be staying here when they were
told it was closed for the week. I sat in the back of the bus with my
hat and shades on, they had no idea who we were or why we were there."
Since you were spending your time ziplining instead of working (how long were you in the episode, Chris? Ten seconds? Five?) count me as another American who's not sure why you were there, either.
"I know there seems to be quite a bit of animosity between Michelle and
the other ladies and to a certain degree there is, but she was very
helpful to the other ladies in Costa Rica. Being a hairstylist and
seeing as how we were in a hot humid forest, she had her work cut out
for her. She was flat-ironing, styling, and braiding all week."
Haha, yes! Put that b-word to work, ladies! This also explains the mystery* of why, all of a sudden, all the women were sporting side-braids in their hair. *not actually a mystery anyone cared about, but I noticed it nonetheless.
"This is a much improved man with a clear vision of what he now wants and
it was good to see this side of him because it gets much, much tougher
from here on out."Tough like a Sports Illustrated photo shoot!
Now it's Brad's turn for our reading-between-the-lines exercise. Hey, Brad!
How are you feeling?
"I had hit what felt was like an insurmountable wall and needed the women so badly during the entire week."
So you're horny. Got it. What else is new?"Maybe I realized that, at this point, no matter who I said goodbye to,
she was going to be a very big loss for me. I've said it a million times
- this group of women is extraordinary, and it was a heartbreaking
realization to know that all but one would be leaving soon. "
That's actually pretty sweet and well-put. If you weren't making out with all of them, I would say it was "very" sweet!"All of the dates seemed to be filled with adrenaline, so there wasn't
much time to have an intimate conversation with the women."
"They're designed that way, so we can keep our relationships as infatuation- and lust-driven as possible!""Having to say goodbye to both Jackie and Alli was extremely difficult. I
remember talking to Alli during dinner and knowing that I needed to let
her go. It was similar to being punched in the stomach."
Which you know about, since Michelle punched you so many times this week. And then you kept her around. Remember?"Just wait until you see the beautiful island of Anguilla ... and watch as a love story unfolds before your eyes!"
That's not all that is about to unfold (or unclothe) before our eyes!
A pretty tame week from our Bachelor
bloggers. We'll check back in next week. Until then: More Bachelor dating tips! And, as always, we're posting all this stuff and more at our new Bachelor Ultimate Fan Page on Facebook
(Image courtesy of ABC)