Former 'Bachelor' Jake Pavelka Back on the Wings of Desperation
It looks like Jake Pavelka's dreams of being a big Hollywood actor weren't so realistic after all. After a terrible performance on Drop Dead Diva, Jake's Actor Phone went dead. Who saw this one coming? As a result, Jake is back in the skies as a commercial pilot--the role he was born to play (after "sociopath" and "Ken doll" were taken). reports that Pavelka piloted a Delta flight from Atlanta to Augusta on October 24th.
"The flight attendant asked us not to tell anyone because he didn't want it to be known," a passenger reported. This brings two scenarios to mind: 

1) How it would have gone in Jake's mind: The flight attendant announces, "your captain today is Jake Pavelka, former star of The Bachelor!" Then the passengers pee themselves with excitement and start tearing the oxygen masks down (securing their own before assisting others, naturally). 

2) How it would have gone in real life: The flight attendant says, "your captain today is Jake Pavelka," and the passengers don't look up from their magazines, unless they are reading an article about Jake Pavelka in said magazine, in which case they think, "that's funny," to themselves and go to sleep. Then Jake weeps a river of sorrow and he couldn't wait to get home to do that so the plane crashes itself out of embarrassment.

The story just gets sadder from here. Another source tells, "He is not only working, but on the weekend! Most pilots don't want those shifts."

Ouch! Here are 11 more reasons I don't want to be on Jake Pavelka's plane:

1. He flies "on the wings of love" and I would much prefer to fly on the wings of A PLANE. 

2. He lacks good judgment, especially if his choice of Vienna is any indication. If he chose Vienna for the final rose, who's to say he might not just decide, "water landing!" one day?

3. The lavatories will always be occupied because Jake is in there trying to have a hot tub moment. 

4. He sees Wes, or anyone like Wes, as a terrorist threat. Hours of boarding, waiting, then de-boarding ensue, which is enough time for Wes to play "Love Don't Come Easy" just under 200 times.

5. He would take the plane wherever he wants because his way is the best way. And if you try to take the GPS out to help him navigate, he will throw it into coach and yell at you for undermining him.
6. He might test out a new audition monologue over the PA system, taking the "captive" part of "captive audience" all too seriously.
"Sorry, let me start over . . . I DRANK your milkshake?"

7. He wouldn't pay attention to the flight because he'll be making calls to his casting agent on his Airfone. "Any jobs yet? No?"

8. His ex-fiance Vienna claims he's a pathological liar (and I kind of buy it). I don't want my captain lying about the altitude of our plane! Or when we need to buckle our seatbelts!

9. He would try to make every flight "the most dramatic flight ever." 

10. If he doesn't like the way the flight is going, he will push the flight attendants out the door mid-flight, then throw the plane into the fire. 
11. Fellow BuddyTV writer Meghan came up with this final reason: He'll think the whole thing is just a realistic audition for a TV "pilot" and, assuming that the plane isn't real and the buttons don't work, will crash everyone to a firey death thanks to his overzealous overacting.

Here's hoping Jake hasn't completely abandoned his acting career. He has so much more to give!
"I have a job. I'm a pilot."
(images courtesy of ABC)