Every week on BuddyTV, former Apprentice contestant Jenn Hoffman will share her unique insights on the current season. Find out what happened in last night's boardroom from someone who has actually been there.
Oh poor Tiffany Fallon
. It really sucks to be the first one sent home. So where did you go wrong? Let me count the ways. And none of them involve sales figures.
1. Tiffany you are hot. But I think Ivanka out-hotted you and her daddy even knew it. It's creepy but true.
2. Tiffany showed up in Trump's boardroom looking… how did he put it? Plain? Demure? He basically said she didn't look as slutty as most Playboy
models. And when he said that's a good thing, he really meant that's a bad thing. If Trump hears the word “bunny” he expects to see a little tail. Tiffany looked professional and classic, but that doesn't matter. This “job interview” is all about being damned if you do and damned if you don't. Either way you will get criticized so it's best to stick with your brand and unleash your inner sex kitten right there on the boardroom table.
3. Honesty is not always the best policy in the boardroom. Trump doesn't want you to lie, he just expects you to be crafty. To succeed on The Apprentice
you must become a word wizard, a master of manipulation, a diva of deception and apparently…an alliteration arsenal . Basically bullshit your way to the top. Tiffany was not up for doing that.
4. When Trump asks questions, contestants are NOT supposed to offer any logical answers or defense. They are supposed to rattle off cheesy business euphuisms, recite quotes from his latest book or offer witty banter about his hair/tie/sexual prowess…etc. Tiffany's defense was useless because it was real. She would have been better off saying “I like your tie… now let's hump.” Or at least just the tie part.
5. In order to win a boardroom brawl you must deflect criticism and direct attention towards your team members' mistakes and flaws. Do not offer lengthy explanations or apologies for your own gaffes. Tell Mr. Trump exactly what the others did wrong and how they are completely incompetent. In Season 2 a woman was fired for reading a magic 8 ball! Did she cause her team to lose by reading the magic 8 ball? No. Did her adversaries use the art of deflection to make it seem like Stacie J. was at fault, thus getting her ass fired? You bet. it's not about who is at fault. It's about who APPEARS to be at fault.
6. Tiffany kissed Omarosa
's ass. Big mistake. Lady O did not - and will not - return the favor. She will cut your throat and use your blood to polish her finger nails. Being nice to her only feeds the beast. You don't need to kiss her ass, you need to kick it.
7. Omarosa is not a genius or a real a business tycoon. She just creates the illusion of power and business savvy. Unfortunately Tiffany was unable to see through this illusion and allowed herself to be totally psyched out by Omarosa. Omarosa lobbed big fat giant softballs of BS at Tiffany, but Ms. Fallon didn't even try to swing. Omarosa screwed up the marketing, took bad advice from Carol, double talked in the boardroom, contradicted herself every step of the way and ultimately almost got herself fired . Unfortunately Tiffany was too intimated to point out any of Omarosa's shortcomings in the boardroom. She didn't fight. We all know Donald Trump
loves to see a fight. Especially if it's dirty. Tiffany refused to mud wrestle and that is why she went home.
8. The hot dog outfits were not flattering. They were fattering. See look what I did there. I made up a word.
9. Trump loves Hef. Hef loves Trump. I understand you were saving the best for last, but let's face it – how do you know Hugh Hefner will even know where he is, let alone be able to locate his wallet next week. You should have followed Holly Madison's lead and milked him for all his money right away. Yes, I know Holly really loves Hef. Blah, blah, blah. I kid.
10. It's all about confidence and psyching your competitors out. Omarosa gets away with being such a wench because she is good for ratings and because she has big brass balls. Trump loves confident, self-assured cocky mofos. I got on the show by being a successful, over the top, take-no-prisoners, hell on wheels type of woman. Subsequently I was fired for forgetting my hell-cat attitude, retracting my claws and basically purring my way out the door. My final act of defiance was to stop playing the game, tear down the fourth wall and whistle my way out of boardroom. I was over it. And apparently so is Tiffany Fallon.
-Jenn Hoffman, The Apprentice LA contestant
(Image courtesy of NBC)
Jenn Hoffman was the eighth contestant fired from
The Apprentice Los Angeles. With an MBA in marketing and background in brand management, business to business sales and public relations, she used her business savvy to secure her spot on the sixth season of show. Jenn is now a television host, business reporter and CEO of The J Brand Group. Her website is www.jennhoffman.com.