We are still in Dubai, the land of (really) tall skyscrapers surrounded by barren deserts, which is odd when you're not used to it.  And we're still on The Amazing Race, and what is perhaps the best episode last week, on the sheer power of Lance and Keri's elimination.  That aside, I'm prepping myself for either a terrible disappointment or something that we've all seen coming.  I'm going for the latter, but not before I whistle to my favorite television theme song ever.  If only I knew how.

Meghan and Cheyne finished first on the back of a Fast Forward, so they start everything with a randomly-chosen suitcase and a taxi ride to the Dubai Creek Yacht Club.  From there, it's a Roadblock: one has to row across the water to an anchored yacht, where they'll retrieve a watch, row back, and open the briefcase with the combination that's on the watch, which is stuck at 8:35.

The teams breezed through it easily, and surprisingly so.  The combination must've been on the clue or something.  The only one to have a hard time are the Globetrotters: Flight Time and Big Easy's taxi brought them to a different marina, and when they finally got to the right place, they had a hard time figuring out the combination.  To further the fluster, Mika and Canaan overtook them, but the moment they finish it, they're still joking.  "The hood's mad at me now!" Big exclaimed.

Inside the briefcase is another clue, leading them to the Abra station, where all these water taxis are.  From there, it's a Detour.  Choose gold, and you head to a jewelry store and weigh in $500,000 worth of gold--if you can figure out the formula, and can keep up with the constantly updating prices.  Choose glass, and you head to a spice market, where you assemble 12 hookahs, which pretty much amounts to bongs, only more elaborate.  Nonetheless you get a trip through the rivers of Dubai, which feels like Venice, only wider.

Brian and Ericka did the gold first, but it took them forever to figure out the formula, and after three tries, they gave up and changed tasks.  Sam and Dan were the second to get there, and were lucky enough to have a $2 calculator with them--but they couldn't figure it out either.  Maria and Tiffany borrowed the calculator and punched a quick formula--divide the price by 500,000, why can't I figure that out?--and the two pairs finished early.

Turns out assembling the hookahs was a pretty frustrating thing.  Meghan and Cheyne got there first and finished respectably, but not after other teams got there.  It was Brian and Ericka who got held up there a while--she can't figure out what she's missing, and before she could break down, he finds the one thing they got wrong and they get a pass out.  Gary and Matt finished next.  The Globetrotters tried a while before moving on to the other task, where they did the smart task of borrowing a calculator (it's not against the rules, turns out!) and getting the numbers quickly.  Around the same time, Mika and Canaan finish.

Their next destination is the Atlantis Resort, where they have to take the Leap of Faith, which is this huge and scary slide.  Six storeys high, at almost a 90-degree angle?  To make things worse, at the tail end of the slide you go through the resort's shark lagoon.  No, Meghan, they aren't fake sharks.  They're real.  Never mind that some of the racers have this thing for heights or water: it's a pretty exhilarating slide--and I haven't been on one ever.  Once they're past the slide and the clue, they head over to the pit stop, which is a nearby beach.  Meghan and Cheyne finish first, Maria and Tiffany finish second, Sam and Dan finish third, Brian and Ericka finish fourth, and Gary and Matt finish fifth.

And then we come to Mika and Canaan.  We all know how this will pan out.  Put together her fear of heights and her fear of water, and you have trouble.  She virtually shuts down, and Canaan can't really do anything to get her down the slide.  Unlucky for him, he can't leave her behind, else it would've been a crappy move.  He tries everything: a pep talk, some forcing, the "you're breaking my heart" card, but no luck.  I wonder what the lifeguard felt seeing that.

To make things worse, the Globetrotters get to the slide in the middle of the drama.  Apparently there's this rule: if a team arrives and you're still there, you only have two minutes to go down, or give way to the other team.  Flight and Big start trash talking--they didn't want to, they later said, but they had to--and Mika just shuts down.  No choice but to leave.  Flight and Big rush down the slide and finish sixth.  Canaan takes the slide, and Mika still doesn't, but no rules need to be broken.  They finish seventh, and they are eliminated.  No hard feelings.

Next week on The Amazing Race, Dutch dancing with disco mixed in.  Do not shut down on that.  It's gotta be fun.





- Henrik Batallones, BuddyTV Staff Columnist