'The Real Housewives of New York' Recap: Every Possible Combination of Housewives
Monday, September 17, 2012
Hahaha, remember what a shockingly awful person Aviva turned out to be in St. Barth's? Remember how Luann hooked up with that guy Tomas, who butt-effed Sonja the next night? And remember how Sonja is still a drunk mess on the verge of a breakdown? OK good, we're all caught up. Oh, and Ramona? Still awful!
Chapter 1: Ramona is hosting a "nice, friendly, no-drama dinner" that forces the men to cook. But LuAnn and Jacques are there so it's immediately awkward. LuAnn doesn't want Jacques to get "the wrong impression of what happened from the girls" so she's being overly-affectionate and attentive toward Jacques. Sonja arrives in a fabulous sparkly headband worn the wrong way, and the girls leave the kitchen to gossip.
Sonja looks amazing, though, even as she unexpectedly leaps up from the couch to give a lecture to no one in particular about Aviva, who wasn't invited. Sonja leaves, with a bang, and Ramona continues on, "this is not the Aviva I met in New York." These are not the droids you're looking for.
Chapter 2: Heather and Carole go to a gay bar. After that awful trip, Carole can't wait to get bombed with Heather. They finally get to bitch and gossip like the rest of them. They note that Aviva talks about herself too much, and yes, was awful on that trip. The drunker and louder they get, the more I enjoy the conversation. There was laughing, and hitting on gay men, and lifting of legs.
Chapter 3: Heather and Luann met for ... water? Something. Conversation. Luann says she's "moving forward," and brings up the incredibly awkward topic of her pregnancy. She has decided she wants to do IVF. To have Jacques's baby. Luann is trying way too hard to convince everyone and herself that she and Jacques are insanely fine, and that those really were Italians she brought home with her.
Chapter 4: Another meal out! This combo is Carole, Heather, and Aviva. Carole's wearing a chic little capelet but that seems to be all that's worth mentioning here. They're still talking about St. Barth's and wasn't it crazy and weren't those people who aren't here now just awful. Aviva is a broken record.
Chapter 5: Carole and Sonja go awkward shirt shopping. Carole met this guy who is a fashion designer before and it was awkward then. He asks her why she didn't call, and it continues the trend of awkwardness. Then Carole and Sonja recapped the St. Barth's trip AGAIN.
Chapter 6: Aviva and Heather. Weren't we just here? The combinations are getting dizzying. Aviva complains about the trip again. She had a terrible time (everyone did), so on and so forth. "They didn't ruin my trip," Heather offers. But Aviva went to Vassar and she is convinced that she is right. The prosecution DOES NOT REST.
Chapter 7: A tired Ramona and Sonja "hang out in the boudoir." Sonja reveals that she's meeting with her ex face to face for the first time in years in a few days. She's a wreck. This is the first, and possibly only, non-St. Barth's chapter.
Chapter 8: Aviva and Sonja meet. Sonja looks like a crazy, Boy George who went riding into Old Navy and bought one of those two-in-one polo sweaters. Aviva tells Sonja that she likes her, and found her to be the most compassionate, which is why Sonja's knife cut the deepest.
And Aviva basically gets "I'm sorry you feel that way" from an increasingly drunk and blotchy Sonja. Aviva tries to get Sonja aboard the "we hate Ramona" train, but Sonja isn't budging, because we kind of hate Aviva, too.
Then Aviva accuses Sonja of being on a downward spiral. If you're not with her, you're against her. "I own my problems," Aviva tells Sonja accusingly. Eventually, Sonja walks out to find a new wacky hat and Aviva is left to pay for the water and bread.
(images courtesy of Bravo)