Hey, friends! Remember that happy-clappy, white-hat, affair-with-the-president primetime soap that Scandal
used to be? Well maybe it's never been happy-clappy, but anyway, I hope you didn't like that version of the show too much, because tonight folks, it's about to get real.
Huck and Seek
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Huck found out Quinn was working with the bad guys last episode so he's at Quinn's to learn who she's working for, and also do his best impression of Dexter. So now he's got her tied up and gagged on the floor in her living room. Oh shoot, he's going to remove her toes. No wait, he's giving her the friends and family discount and just remove some her teeth. He apologizes in advance, not because he's, you know, gonna remove her teeth, but because he's going to enjoy doing so.
And when things couldn't get any creepier? He licks her face. Sexy.
Before he can get to any of Quinn's pearly whites, he gets a phone call from Olivia, who is in a state of panic that her mom is alive and in her apartment. Huck tells her to hang up the phone and get to the safe house and that he'll be right there. But darn, this means he'll have to reschedule Quinn's torture session. She doesn't mind, but he still has time to pluck just one tooth before he goes. She does
seem to mind that.
And phew, that was just the first five minutes.
At the White House, Sally Langston is meeting with her scummy campaign manager. He wants to make her the first female President of the United States, but in order to do so, he needs her to come to the center and declare herself pro-choice. At first Sally resists, but she comes around when scummy campaign manager tells her that it's either an allegiance to God or to politics, but she can't have both. And guess which one she picks? All of a sudden, pro-choice isn't looking so bad to old Sally.
Meanwhile, the guy who banged her husband, James, is sitting up in bed working on his article next to the master manipulator who planned the whole situation. Cyrus pretends not to know about James' misdeeds, although he's seen the pictures, and James pretends like he doesn't know what a low-life creep Cyrus is. There is a lot of pretending going on in the Novak-Beane household. Mommy Dearest
It's so nice to have the whole family together at the safe house for dinner. And by family of course I mean Olivia, her mom, her team and Jake. And even better, instead of carving a turkey, Jake carves Olivia's mom to get the tracking device out of her. Ahh, making holiday memories.
Olivia's mom tells them all over a glass of hot cocoa (not really) that she found out who her husband was working for and was about to blow the whistle when Mr. Pope put an end to that by taking down her plane and imprisoning her for the last 20 years. Not sure if I'm buying it, Mama Pope, but it's enough to make them trust her enough to all move to another location to escape Rowan's guys who've already tracked them there.
Rowan/Eli/Papa Pope himself is making sure all of his other henchmen are doing everything they can to find Olivia's mom, Maya. But Olivia's planning on sending her to Hong Kong. Huck tries to get out of the safe house to "check on Quinn," but Olivia tells him and everyone else she needs them there with her tonight.
Olivia keeps having flashbacks to the last time she saw her mom. She remembers listening to "Ben" by The Jackson 5 on her headphones when she said goodbye to her mom before she left for her trip to London. But she keeps remembering more and more. She remembers her mom talking to a reporter and wants to track him down so he can corroborate her story. But Maya refuses, not wanting to put anyone else in danger.
Maya also seems sad that Olivia doesn't have a happier life with a dentist husband and a couple of kids. I say "seems sad" because what it really seems like is that Mama Pope is completely full of it. Madame (Vice) President
Mellie and her giant hair assault Cyrus in the halls of the White House. She wants Cyrus to show his cards, and by cards she means the photos of Daniel and James getting frisky, to Sally to stop her from running for president. But Cyrus insists holding the cards to show at the right time.
Jake tries to go to Fitz in the Oval Office to appeal to him to use his power to help Olivia. As in every other scene between these two, it just seems like a pissing match. Fitz accuses Jake "not wanting to be a hero, but wanting to be her hero," and Jake says that it must be nice for Fitz to constantly be "letting other people fight your battles." Oh you two. Why don't you just whip 'em out and get it over with.
Sally tells her husband that she's planning on running for president. He says he'd be honored to be her "first gentleman" probably while simultaneously imagining a large gentleman with a chiseled jaw line and sculpted pectoral muscles.
James is in the White House again, toying with Cyrus, telling him that he and Daniel had "barely scratched the surface" during their last encounter, so he's coming over for dinner tonight while Cyrus is at a donor dinner.
Daniel catches him in the hallway and basically begs him not to print anything about his sexuality because he doesn't want it to ruin his family or his wife's career. He also wants to reiterate to James that he's not gay, just a sinner. Glad that's cleared up.Who Needs Teeth?
Jake and Huck try to devise a plan to trap and kill Rowan. But he's gone before they arrive, leaving his headquarters in shambles and a body count of henchmen. Charlie's excited to have escaped but Rowan doesn't share his enthusiasm, because despite what you may think about him, he doesn't actually enjoy killing. That is obviously the case since he kept Olivia's mom alive and imprisoned for 20 years instead of just whacking her right away instead.
Quinn is trying to escape her duct tape trap with a broken water glass but uh-oh, Huck finds her first. He ties her up again and goes in for another tooth. I don't know if I'm getting this across well enough, but Huck is really creepy, guys.
Olivia tries to get her mom off the no-fly list that her dad put her on, but Abby can't get David to do it without alerting homeland security. So once Abby can't get her boyfriend to do anything, Liv calls hers. And Fitz tells her hush little baby don't you cry Fitzy's going to call the Pentagon.
Sally does Fitz the honor of telling him she's put in the bid to run against him as an independent before the official announcement the next day. When he protests, she tells him, "The days of you telling me what I can or can't do have come to an end." She blames him for the destruction of the country, the Republican party, and his family. Fitz gets in her face and tries to tell her she's committing political suicide, that she's making the "biggest mistake of your life crossing me, and you will regret this day forever." And Sally's response? "I'll see you on the battlefield." #TeamSally, to be honest. Breakdown
Cyrus finally can't handle the game he and James are playing anymore. He accuses James of cheating on him, which of course James counters with being pimped out by his husband like a cheap whore. James screams at Cyrus, accusing him of ruining them, and not only that, he's trying to shame a fellow gay politician out of the closet. James demands a divorce and says he's taking the baby with him.
But of course Cyrus can't just let him go. He says he'll show the photos in court and James will lose custody immediately. James is horrified to find out that there are photos, but really James, why wouldn't there be photos? Of course there are photos. Their conversation is interrupted by a call from the president so Cyrus rushes out.
The prez and first lady are waiting for Cy in the Oval and they are none too happy. Fitz spits in his face to do his damn job. Cyrus has a moment of weakness and breaks down crying. Mellie "comforts" him by saying, "It hurts until it doesn't hurt. You think what he did will break you, but it won't. You'll be fine. Numb. But numb and fine are the same." Then she tells him to pull it together and take care of Sally.
Charlie comes upon Quinn all tied up in her apartment. He sets her loose and then gives her some vodka to help with the pain of having healthy teeth unnecessarily pulled. He kisses her, and she pulls away at first, because, you know, THE BLOODY GUM GAPS WHERE TEETH USED TO BE, but then of course they get it on. Because nothing gets you hot and bothered like a good old torture session.
Back at the White House, Cyrus works up the nerve to show the photos to Sally. She says that this isn't going to be the bargaining chip that he was hoping for because she knows he'll never show them. She says he failed to realize it would be just as big of a scandal for the White House Chief of Staff's husband to be having an affair with the VP's husband for him as it would be for her. Nice try, Cy, but Sal's still running.
Cyrus tries to call James to apologize, and that he will never use the photos, but James is already packed. Just an Old Fashioned Murder
So now Quinn is officially working with the bad guys. She tells Charlie as they go to meet with Rowan that she can use the information she has on the team's tech to track their locations.
Olivia is getting ready to put her mom on a plane to Hong Kong thanks to the POTUS and his call the Pentagon. Also that phone call she made in Chinese to set up things on the other end. Because of course Olivia Pope speaks Chinese, why wouldn't she? Abby tells her to give her mom a hug before she leaves, so she runs after her just before she gets on the plane.
Just then, she remembers something that happened after her mom left on the last day she saw her. She got a wrong number looking for "Maria." And guess what? It turns out that the supposed "fake" alias that Rowan was using to put her on the no-fly list was named Maria. So it turns out, she got her monsters mixed up. Her dad had been trying to protect her all along from her mother, the terrorist. But whoopsie... the plane just took off.
Well that's not good, Huck explains. Because what happened earlier was that Quinn agreed to help Huck by getting close to Charlie, and then close to Rowan: close enough to kill him. And it turns out Quinn is with him right now, waiting to stick the killer needle in his hand that she killed that poor innocent security guard with.
And that's not the only murder brewin. Cyrus, while trying to get comfy for a night's rest on his office couch, gets a phone call. It's Sally, telling him that she has "sinned."
And her husband's bloody corpse is sprawled out on the floor next to her.
Until next week's mid-season finale!Scandal
airs Thursday at 10PM on ABC. (Image courtesy of ABC)