Episode Overview: The girls pose for album covers to win the next date with Bret.  Lacey's insanity continues, and all the girls try to point it out to Bret.  One girl goes home, and Bret thinks "mediocricy" is a word.


Bret Michaels is busy in the studio (yeah, right), so the Rock of Love girls are left on their own, and the task is a photo shoot for the "Sexy Six."  They'll each be shooting an album cover.  Samantha claims she will be good because she's done a lot of modeling for her photographer friends.  Lacey claims she'll be good because she knows music.  Only one of those makes sense. I've eaten a lot of cake, it doesn't make me a world class baker.

The girls are divided in half: Jes, Sam and Lacey vs. Heather, Brandi M. and Mia.  One girl will be the creative director, the other two are models.  The winning team gets a solo date for the director and a double date for the models.  Jes and Mia take the director jobs, Mia because she wants some face time with Bret.  I can't blame her, as here we are in the seventh episode and I still have no clue who she is.

Mia wants the theme to be innocence, but Heather nixes it and goes with sexy.  This seems to mean lying across the hood of a car while heaving her breasts outward.  Lacey has a lot of "crackhead ideas" as Jes calls them, like dominatrices.  Sam then comes up with good vs. evil, with Lacey , naturally, as the Devil.  This all quickly devolves into Brandi M. dressed like a man (complete with a sock down her pants).  Lacey is trying to take credit for everything on her team, but the other girls don't give a crap what she says.  It turns into two girls, on a bed, in sexually suggestive poses.  The other team mocks this idea as stupid, but since Brandi M. is in a gray wig with a beer bottle pretending to be a man, it's a definite pot-kettle situation.

In judging the photos, Lacey refuses to budge, and eventually Sam caves, of course leading Lacey to claim everything was her idea (which, as we just saw, it so wasn't).  Even Evo, the celebrity photographer, sees what goes down and offers his condolences to Sam for having to work with such a raging control freak.  Evo is awesome.

Heather is the other team's Lacey, taking complete control and making it all about her.  Afterwards, those two talk about how great they are, and how they did everything.  It's a meeting of the delusional minds.  The other four, of course, talk about how much they hate Lacey and Heather.  When they get the shots, they plan out their presentations for Bret.  Lacey wants to do it, even though Jes, as creative director, should.  It's painful watching my two favorites, Jes and Sam, having to put up with Lacey's BS.

For Mia's team, Evo questions why Brandi M. is dressed like a man, and they have no real clue other than hat she wanted to pretend to scratch her balls a lot.  It's a trainwreck.  Later, the good girls talk about how they're here for Bret and argue that the fact that Lacey is viewing this as a game is wrong.

During presentations, Bret is aghast that the old dude in the photo has boobs.  Mia is a mess, and it's clear she should be going home.  The only positive thing Bret has to say about it is that it has good colors.  Bret literally does a wolf call when he sees the girl-in-girl album cover from Jes' team.  They win, and Lacey quickly goes to Bret and talks trash about the other girls by claiming she did everything that led to their victory.  She hilariously claims that the only stuff Bret knows about her is what the other girls tell him.  This could not be further from the truth, as she is always telling him all about the other girls.

Lacey goes outside, and when the other girls ask if she just talked trash about them and said she deserves all the credit, Lacey just kind of stammers because they hit the nail on the head.  Jes tries to explain how nuts Lacey is, but Bret is kind of obtuse about the whole ordeal.  On the double date, Lacey throws Jes under the bus again, and just when it looks like Bret is starting to notice, "Hey, every time I talk to Lacey, all she does it talk about how bad the other girls are, and not about how great she is," he gives up because he's a stupid, stupid man.  On his solo date with Jes, they head to the beach for a classy night of, as he puts it, "sucking face."  Jes, please run away now, you're too good for him!

Back at the house, Brandi M. and Heather get a Polaroid and take sexy photos of themselves to prove it was all Mia's fault.  They work, because when Bret gets home and sees them on his door, he essentially pops a boner right there.  Mia tries to get some face time, but Bret has to prepare a dinner so he can sit down with the Sexy Six.  Lacey goes on about animal rights stuff, and Brandi M. has to lie down because she can't take it.  Bret finally starts to realize that everyone hates Lacey.

Rock of Love Elimination Time!  It gets down to Mia and Lacey, of course.  Both deserve to go, and neither will make it to the end, so it doesn't matter.  Lacey sticks around, but not before Bret goes on a tangent about how much he hates "mediocricy."  I believe the word he was looking for was "mediocrity," and because I care about the English language, my hatred for Bret Michaels increases about tenfold.   Mia goes home, and I still have no idea who she is.  Now it's down to the Fab Five on Rock of Love.


-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of VH1)