Rock of Love

Previously on Rock of Love 2: Lots of crying, lots of fighting, lots of drinking, lots of nudity, and in the end, Bret Michaels chose the seemingly responsible and nice Ambre Lake.

Thank God for us, the Rock of Love 2 reunion special isn't about seeing Bret and Ambre living happily ever after. It's about shoving a bunch of drunken women on stage and letting them throw chairs at one another. Riki Rachtman is back as the ringleader of this circus, and he introduces us to all the women. Despite watching and recapping every episode, I don't recognize half of them. Who is Niki?

Before starting the one-on-one time, Riki hypes the show's phenomenal ratings and the fact that it was parodied by David Letterman and Saturday Night Live. This gives Peyton Turner the opportunity to say she never once said “FACE TIME!” while in the house, though she does a pretty good impression of Kristen Wiig doing an impression of her.

Angelique Morgan: We get to see once again the extraordinary exhibitionism and overall whorish nature of Angelique. Bret and Riki make jokes about how harmless she is, then she goes off on a tirade against Aubry, calling her “a rat on crack.” Aubry responds, and in a stroke of genius, while Angelique's incomprehensible French accent is subtitled, the editors decide to subtitle Aubry's response in French. Then Bret assures us all that Angelique is not a she-male.

Destiney Moore: First, she assures us she's not a rock groupie. Then, get the Kleenex ready, because we got a montage of Tommy, Destiney's father, who sadly passed away just two weeks before they filmed the reunion special because the cancer spread to his brain. It's unbelievably sad, and during the video, Destiney breaks down, and several other girls come down to console her. To close things out, they put up the information for viewers to donate money to the Liver Foundation. Yes, it was touching, but between The Celebrity Apprentice finale, Idol Gives Back, and Comedy Central's Night of Too Many Stars, I don't think Americans have any money left to donate, particularly given the fact that gas will probably be over $4 per gallon this summer.

Kristy Joe Muller: It's time for the eye of the Rock of Love 2 drama storm. And hold onto your hats, because Kristy Joe drops a bombshell. Apparently her husband was so moved by her appearance on the show, that he rededicated himself to her, and she agreed to six months of couples counseling to see if they could work it out. So despite her claims on the show that she was getting a divorce, it turns out Rock of Love 2 may have saved her marriage. Daisy calls her out on this, saying she left because she knew exes were coming and didn't want her husband there, but Aubry comes to her defense, leading to a video of the beautiful friendship between Kristy Joe and Aubry. It borders on lesbian love, which of course excites Bret.

We interrupt this reunion special to bring you Peyton singing an original song about her time in the house. It makes me miss season 1's Lacey Conner and her band Nocturne.

Heather Chadwell and Daisy De La Hoya: Riki brings out the two runners-up and has them sit next to each other. This should be civil. Things inevitably turn to Daisy's slutty ways as she admits to hooking up with Bret multiple times, claiming that on the final night, he took advantage of her vulnerability. After calling each other names, we finally get what we wanted as Heather shoves Daisy and a catfight breaks out. Security holds them off, but Daisy storms away while Bret comforts Heather.

Ambre Lake: The Rock of Love 2 winner comes out, and she seems very comfortable with Bret. Riki keeps asking about their sex life (against the rules, they did see each other after the show finished filming), and Ambre blushes and giggles her confirmation, while Bret simply gives the thumbs up regarding him and Ambre doing it in his tour bus.

In the end, Ambre and Bret are both willing to continue this relationship and see where it leads. Neither of them have any delusions about it being true love or that they're getting married in six months, but they just want to keep it going and see where it goes. Maybe there won't be a Rock of Love 3 after all.


-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of VH1)