I apologize for posting this article.
I know that, by writing the words, "Honey Boo Boo," in a title, I have only hastened our impending doom as a world and as a society. But how else will the people know what is to come? We must know our enemy in order to stand strong. Nothing less than the fate of civilization might depend on it.
Our enemy is Honey Boo Boo.
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Perhaps you are not familiar with Honey Boo Boo. This says good things about you as a person. Because you have exercised taste and discretion, you were never subjected to a Toddlers & Tiaras
competitor who goes by the nickname, Honey Boo Boo. (Note: The kid has a name. It's Alana. But that does''t really matter.)
Like the vast majority of overly made-up children on Toddlers & Tiaras
, Honey Boo Boo is a southern girl with an insane mother. But Honey Boo Boo is so much more. It's that "so much more" that has inspired the Armageddon-mongers at TLC to bring us a new series, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo
The titular Honey Boo Boo will leave behind the glitzy lights and frills of underage pageantry in order to show us her family. This family is at least as disturbing as the four-year-olds bumping and grinding in bikinis on Toddlers & Tiaras
. Don't believe me? Check out the video to see the horrors for yourself:
Yes, this is a remix of things said by a small girl with regard to a beauty pageant. Can you doubt that the End is near?
Any lingering doubts will be swept away by this second video. It's not a dance remix, of course. But that does not make it any less disturbing.
When Honey Boo Boo's mother refers to the "dog spectrum," let's just assume she's talking about hellhounds coming to drag us down to the fiery depths.
The horrors of Honey Boo Boo will only be compounded by the end-of-the-world-y programming on TLC. Not only will viewers be subjected to a full hour of Honey Boo Boo hell, they'll also have the opportunity to see the demonic child on her original series, Toddlers & Tiaras
. On the same night!
Prepare for the Last Days by watching Toddlers & Tiaras
at 9pm and Here Comes Honey Boo Boo
at 10pm on Wednesday, August 8 on TLC.
And again, I apologize.(Images and videos courtesy of TLC)