'Reign' Recap: Girls' Night
'Reign' Recap: Girls' Night
Emily E. Steck
Emily E. Steck
Contributing Writer, BuddyTV
On this week's episode of Reign, Kitchen Boy is back. I repeat, Kitchen Boy is back. This is not a drill. Also, Henry spirals into a serial killer sort of, while Mary and Lola deal with the whole baby sitch. 
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Everything I complained about recently is being mended. The pace of this episode was not as crazy as usual, but mostly because it was trying to flush out its supporting cast. Kenna gets a storyline. Greer gets a storyline. Lola gets a storyline. Nostradamus gets a storyline. Olivia gets a storyline. Reign is giving them out like it's Oprah's car giveaway and I approve (though, Catherine and Mary had less to do this week, I welcomed the change). 



Royally Messed Up

Henry brings his new friend Anna to the party because royals are into the freaky. He puts Kenna in a compromising position to do the dirty with a female prostitute for Henry's enjoyment, all so Kenna can get a respectable husband. I began to maybe like Kenna after last week's episode, but this week I definitely feel for her. Kenna has been exploited, manipulated, and abused, and this power trip is all kinds of messed up. 

But not as messed up as Kenna waking up naked and tied to a dead prostitute. Kenna has gained at least some brains recently, so she immediately reports Henry's fetishes to Catherine. These things are getting dark, especially after he banged an Archduke's sister to death. If this storyline solely focuses on King Henry, the secret serial killer of France,  I will jump off the nearest building. I just couldn't take it. 

Luckily, Henry is just off the rails crazy. With power. With love for whoring around and being a general git. With syphilis probably. Catherine wants him to see Nostradamus, but I don't know how we can trust Nostradamus' healing powers when he has such a consistent cough in that throat of his. 

Henry continues his spiral into mustache twirling villain, claiming God chose him to fulfill his destiny as the king of sexual fetishes and being power played by a 15 year old Scottish girl. 

I'll Be Your Beard If You'll Be Mine

Lola needs a quick marriage to make the most of her problems, aka being preggers with an illegitimate royal baby. Mary has promised to help keep the situation on the DL because she doesn't want Lola to become the next Diane and her to become Catherine. That is a subtextual reading, by the way. 

Mary arranges for a Count in desperate need of a beard, I mean wife!, to keep his inheritance. Lola wants the real thing though. At least, a real marriage. She may be having a royal's baby but she wants stability, not power. Lola's always been the most astute, in my opinion. 

Elsewhere, Francis may or may not be jealous about Lola's potential suitor. I just realized Lola and Francis are the only English people on the show (as far as I am aware of besides Greer). I was wondering why their accents were so good! Deciding to be a good husband though, Francis comes clean to Mary about Lola. Francis has a drama free policy since his wedding, but it's only going to get more complicated when he finds out his mistress is pregnant. 

Mary feels very insecure about how she does not have any children yet. After two whole months of being married. The horror! To be fair, this is how women had any power back then: by having children and heirs. 

If you know anything about history and about Mary's heirs, please do not spoil it. Knowing Reign, they'll probably go against that anyway.


The 'Ship I Ship

The real romance I have cared about all along is back and presently here: Greer and Kitchen Boy aka Leith. Like, hot damn. They had the best chemistry out of everyone in the show -- don't lie -- and they are in kissage mode. I thought they dropped this storyline, but thank god they didn't! The relationship has progressed to mutual feelings and now we know where Greer has been lately. 

Remember, Greer's the one with normal peasant parents and she is trying to marry up. Well, that's still going on. Greer is being courted by Lord Castlerockbottom* or something. A romantic dinner for two served by none other than Leith. Since this is the romantic comedy portion of the episode in disguise, Lord Castlerockbottom sets himself on fire by accident. Naturally, Leith saves him, because hotties with hero complexes are the best love interests. The Lord offers him a job in the merchant class: next stop, President! Leith is ready to break up with Greer even though he loves her, but merchant class > servantitude, any day.

Apparently, Greer has arranged for all of this. Lord Castlerockbottom has agreed to it because he's a swell guy who is self-aware and not actively plotting against people. I'm glad he's not a series regular if only because he'd meet the same fate as Hipster Braids (RIP). I don't know why Greer doesn't just marry Lord Castlerockbottom and carry on an illicit affair with Leith until it's revealed that Greer is all but engaged to the man in the carriage coming to the castle. No! Greer + Leith 4evah. But seriously-- is he leaving or not? Nothing was really resolved on this front.

Baptize 

Olivia recounts what last happened to her and her pal Nostradamus. Last we saw her, she was betraying everybody by skipping out of the castle. Her cowardice cost her some sanity and some flesh. According to Olivia, she was held captive by a thing that did a thing that made me yawn. It's probably just her accent or acting, but it was a serious snoozefest.

Until she started talking about being fed on by a creature who let her go because she was impure (virgin!). *Scooby Doo ears* go, huh? If this show does cannibalism, I swear to god, I will do something melodramatic like...continue to watch Reign still! It is my job, after all. No, but I'll probably rant about it on Twitter or something.  

Anyway...Nostradamus baptizes Olivia in the wilderness and romantic music swells. The music is pretty, even if I don't understand this pairing, or this scene, or this whole thing. My theory is that Reign takes crack!ship literally.

Blood Cults

The Pagans are back. I'm excited because the Pagans are definitely related to the crazy that is Reign. Bash was trying to leave France, but the the blood cults have put blood on Rowan's door, marking it for sacrifice. He stays to protect them because he has a hero complex, okay!? Also, my eyes just couldn't make it throughout Reign without his eyes.

The "creature" in question stalks the family in their house at night. Like any respectable Pagan, they whip up the family recipe to subdue Bash via sleeping poison. After Bash cries out, Rowan is taken away by the thing. He and Rowan's brother search for her in the woods.

Other Thoughts 

That's it? That's how the episode ends? I thought my DVR didn't record everything, but nope. This is the episode. Almost all of the plot lines are still hanging at the end of the episode, and for the first time as I watched Reign, I wanted more! It's not like crazy things happened to the characters that made me want more, it was the characters. I didn't know I could hold affection and sympathy for Kenna. I didn't know I wanted to see Mary insecure about fertility. I didn't know I wanted to see Nostradamus and Olivia together.

- I would like to periodically check in with Francis' other brothers just to make sure they are ok. 

- I do not understand Bash's storyline. Like, I don't get Rowan. 

But now I do and it's all for the better. What do you think of tonight's episode? Are you into Greer and Leith? Has Kenna grown on you? Is Mary a lot more compelling when she isn't dealing with the love triangle or when she isn't dealing with the boys? Is Lola right for wanting a good marriage, even if it only conveniences her baby daddy situation? Sound off below!

*Name changed because how do you spell it?

Catch an all new Reign next Thursday at 9pm on on CW.

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(Image courtesy of CW)


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