Previously on Nip/Tuck: McNamara and Troy moved to Los Angeles and became advisers on the most awesomely terrible TV show ever, Hearts 'N' Scalpels. In a nice role reversal, Sean became a huge star and Christian became increasingly jealous.

"Tell me what you don't like about yourself...Miss Monroe"  It's a Marilyn impersonator whose first name is Joyce, and Christian (Julian McMahon)  gets off to a chauvinistic start by saying he usually doesn't like big girls, but he had a thing for Marilyn Monroe.  She wants bigger breasts to compete with a fellow Marilyn impersonator named Sharon.  Feeding Christian's inferiority, Joyce wants Sean (Dylan Walsh) to do it because he's now a big TV star.

On the set of Hearts 'N' Scalpels, Bradley Cooper is overacting up a storm as Aidan Stone.  The TV show case involves a spree of arm detachments, and sadly the hospital is out of tourniquets.  He asks Sean's character for neck ties, but unfortunately, it's casual Friday.  Aidan rips off his scrubs top to use, and when that's not enough, the pants come off as well, leaving Bradley Cooper in a pair of tight black boxer briefs.  Ha!  Aidan is upset that he's operating in his boxers, and co-star Kate Tinsley calls him a "Man Tart."  When he walks off, Kate and Sean flirt a bit and she invites him to an awards gala because her mother canceled at the last minute.

After the ceremony, they snark that Grey's Anatomy won because it's all about ratings, and Kate lost to Law and Order: SVU star Mariska Hargitay, because she wins everything.  Now for anyone who follows television awards shows, that is some brilliantly biting commentary.  They make out, and she starts crying and slaps him.  Great, an emotionally unstable actress.  The next morning she seems all fine.  She comes to his office and is breaking down because she has some serious body issues.  To become an actress, she needed to lose weight so she had gastric bypass to drop more than 100 pounds, and now she has some loose skin surrounding her midsection.  He agrees to do the surgery.

Julia (Joely Richardson) gives Christian a call, and she says she's coming for a visit next weekend.  She's moving in with someone and would prefer telling her ex-husband in person.

Joyce's Marilyn competitor Sharon shows up at McNamara/Troy, wanting her own boob job.  Both Joyce and Sharon are put in the room, and the amount of pouty, Marilyn-voice is pretty annoying.  They fight about Christian's inferiority, and so he spills about Julia's new live-in partner.  Sean calls her up and they have a nice chat, and when he asks about Mr. Right, she gets flustered.  The pronoun game is being played, and our suspicions are confirmed when Julia's new lover walks in, and it's a lady!  Not just any lady, it's Portia de Rossi (aka Nell Porter from Ally McBeal, Lindsay Bluth from Arrested Development and now, Ellen DeGeneres' real-life girlfriend).

Unscrupulous agent Fiona stops by to let Christian know she caught his attempt to blab about Carly's plastic surgery, and that he's now no longer a client.  He gives the sob story about how he's feeling insecure because he's not the center of attention anymore like he was in Miami and she sets up a photo shoot for him to get some exposure.  At Christian's photo shoot, he's posing in leopard-print briefs, then it's time for the money shot.  There was probably a time when McMahon was slim and sexy, but he has certainly packed on a few pounds in the middle since this show started.  He drops trou in front of Fiona, and is ashamed that stage fright his shrunk his penis to an unsuitably small size.  She tries to get him bigger by flashing him her fantastic breasts.  It works.

Christian arrives in the surgery room where Sean is operating on Kate flaunting his nude pictorial.  He crows about how much business this will bring in, and it turns out to be true.  Unfortunately for him, the clientele it brings in is all gay men, which Fiona somehow neglected to tell him.  Christian  turns around and becomes proud of it, but the wind is taken out of his sails when Fiona tells them that Sean was chosen to be one of People's 50 Most Eligible Bachelors.  Never one to let anyone else win, while Christian does Kate's follow-up, he puts on the charm.  He gets an invitation from Kate to the People's Choice Awards.

Joyce Monroe overdoses on sleeping pills, and while they're dealing with the fallout, Julia shows up with Olivia.  Sean, Christian and even Liz (Roma Maffia) are quite shocked.  They go to a bar and we get some backstory on Olivia: she's a doctor of traditional Chinese medicine with a daughter.  Sean obsesses over whether Julia was gay when they were married, and the answer is yes.  After they leave, Sean and Christian get drunk, and Sean complains that Christian probably thinks "I was such a terrible lay, my wife went from dwarf humping to carpet munching."  That is an instant  classic Nip/Tuck line.  In the spirit of friendship, Christian vows to stop his pursuit of Kate.

Sean apologizes to Kate and the two warm up to each other.  Instead of going to the People's Choice Awards, they stay in for a cozy date at home.  Christian goes for a stroll to find the Marilyns, and they've bonded are are now doing their act as a tandem.  Rather than leave well enough alone, Christian essentially hires the Marilyns to be prostitutes for a threesome to make him feel better about not being the star of the show any more.

Next week on Nip/Tuck: Liz lets Christian know she isn't sold on Julia's newfound lesbianism, which of course makes him all the more eager to bring one back to the straight side.


-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of FX)