Alliances and Prejudice Emerge on 'Survivor: South Pacific'
Alliances and Prejudice Emerge on 'Survivor: South Pacific'
All I've been able to think about since last week's Tribal Council is Semhar alone on Redemption Island, not knowing how to make fire. OK, I've also thought a lot about Cochran. I mean, he's us, you guys! I'm so glad a superfan is finally on the show. Oh my god Semhar is still crying! She wrote/spoke a poem about her abandonment issues. So alone.

Cochran has opted to become "cool, mellow Cochran," who I will call New Cochran. Savaii is hoping New Cochran can be good with puzzles and the mental game. Ozzy and Young Peter Galagher (Keith) talk about meeting up with Secret Marijuana Jim, probably to form an alliance.

Coach and Edna the Suit go for a walk over at Upolu. Coach is in with Rick, Sophie, Aaron, and Albert. Stacey and Christine are supposedly "very tight" and Edna is hoping to solidify her relationship with a strong male. Coach speaks some game truth: "loyalty sometimes outweighs strength." Hopefully Edna will "play honorably" as Coach tells her he's looking for someone to do.

New Cochran is back at Savaii, choppin' coconuts with a machete. New Cochran doesn't listen to his mommy quite as much. New Cochran still weighs 90 pounds. New Ozzy goes looking for the immunity idol under the guise of fishing. Ozzy is a Disney Prince. And BOOM, Ozzy finds the immunity idol (because rocks aren't usually in trees). It's just like last season with Boston Rob!

Brandon "I'll Never Tell Them My Last Name" Hantz tells Coach his last name because the guilt was eating away at him. Did it make you feel better, Brandon? He told the wrong man--a guy voted off by Russell himself! But they're joined together by their man-of-Godliness. In Jesus' name, amen.

Ozzy, Keith, and Jim go on a fishing trip at Savaii, and of course they're going to form an alliance. The girls and New Cochran are none the wiser. Jim has a "three plus two" plan: the three guys plus Elyse and Whitney. It's a good plan, except that everyone thinks they thought of it. It is fair to say, though, that Dawn, Cochran, and Papa Bear are going home in the next few losses.

Mikayla and Brandon go fishing, but there's a third person invited--Temptation. Brandon doesn't like her (and calls her "Poverty"--why? Did I hear that right?) because he is terrified of accidentally grazing a boob. Way to turn your self-loathing outward and blame a girl for her sexuality! Christine goes to look for the clue, which Stacey almost found last week but didn't see. Everyone else thinks Christine already has it.

Christine finds the clue and sticks it in her underwear. She is freaking out, just over a clue.

At the immunity challenge, everyone in Upolu has some kind of fruit in their mouths and they're eating it to make a point about unity. This one is more of a puzzle challenge than physical. They are also playing for pillows, blankets, and a mat. Upolu sits Edna out, and the teams get their places around the South Pacific maypole.

Upolu is already doing a good job un-braiding their ribbons, and New Cochran is doing about as well as Old Cochran. Stacey unlocks the rest of the Upolu tribe, and Dawn slowly grabs the key and gives it to Elyse to unlock Savaii. So this challenge is actually quite physical, as they have to slide giant blocks around. In the block-pushing round, Savaii catches up and takes the lead from Upolu. In a huge comeback, Savaii wins immunity. New Cochran is safe.

Brandon is worried, but will surely distract himself by thinking about Mikayla's body then hating himself for it. He is "going to make sure that Mikayla goes home tonight." He's also going to make sure that women never ride bicycles because of the dangerous sensation it may cause.

Back at Upolu, it's clear that the women did a great job and the men didn't. Coach thinks they should go three, three, and three to flush the idol that no one has found. He's pissed at Christine for calling him "temporary" so they'll vote for her, Stacey, and keep Edna on a need-to-know basis. Brandon is wanting to vote Mikayla out because he feels uncomfortable around her. How is he supposed to win the million with a raging boner all the time? Even Coach is skeptical of this craziness, saying, "he has demons." The rest of this bum alliance is like, "really?"

Mikayla walks over and Coach just asks her for privacy. Like they were clearly talking about her. Poor Mikayla, or should I say Poverty, because she is to be blamed for having a gorgeous, strong body. Christine has no idea what's happening, because Brandon scrambled so hard to get Mikayla out ("she's a big threat, right?") that they forgot to plan their three, three, and three. No one understands the logic behind voting Mikayla out because THERE IS NONE.

Coach is surprisingly smart in this game. Smart and incisive, and he knows that something is wrong with Brandon. Coach just busted what he's heard wide open at tribal council. Then he philosophized. He doesn't want Mikayla to go home because it just doesn't make sense. Brandon should be squirming. Boy, I love Stacey. I hope she's not out. I love how she just went, "Thank you. Boop!"

Mikayla asks Stacey and Christine if they said they'd vote for her. They said no, and Brandon comes clean. "Boom," declares Stacey. OK, who is this guy in the blue sweater? I have no idea who he is yet.

So there's a vote for Sophie, Edna, Christine, and Stacey. This is all over the place. It ties with three votes Christine, three votes Stacey, and Christine gets voted onto Redemption Island. I hope she mentally destroys Semhar over there.

Next week, Brandon will battle against himself, and everyone will hate him for it.

(image courtesy of CBS)