Oh my gosh, are we at the final four already? Was there some kind of elimination I totally missed? You guys got a recap last week, right? It's really true -- we're looking at our final four contestants, one who'll eventually receive the glorious title of Last Comic Standing.
We start the show with a few sweaty confessionals from our comedians: Lachlan Patterson, Nikki Carr, Joe Machi, and Rod Man. Not only will this episode be a competition for who gets the most laughs, but it'll be the episode that'll put three of our comics in the series finale next week.
JB Smoove comes out and introduces the judges. Russell Peters, Keenen Ivory Wayans, and Roseanne seem to be all smiles.
First up is Rod Man, but before Rod Man takes the stage, we get a bit of a montage about his journey. "Anytime you get validation that you are on the right path?...Comedians need that!" he claims. Peppered in are old pieces of wisdom from mentors like Ellen, Jay Leno, and Wanda Sykes.
"We've been together so long that she doesn't even try to impress me anymore with her nighttime wear," he says. "She don't try to match it or nothing. Little tank top, shorts set, no socks. Man, all you need is a name tag on that, because you wear the same thing every night," he says. "She tries to come on to me with a head wrap. You can't make love with a rag on your head. You can make some good ass biscuits, but..." The thing that attracted Rod Man to his wife was "beautiful breasts," and he's learned over the years that breasts have a shelf life. "You gotta enjoy breasts early," he says. "In the bra, they look so confident. Then you pop off the bra and realize they've got low self esteem." He claims his daughters "ruined the left one."
Russell thinks that Rod Man kept topping his jokes off, and should make t-shirts that say "Make biscuits, not love." Shockingly, a hashtag with the new-found phrase doesn't appear on the screen. Roseanne also said he topped himself off -- but double! Come on, Roseanne. Get a unique critique! Keenen thought that Rod Man would panic by going first, but was happy that the first stop didn't seem to bother him. He compares him to an Ethiopian athlete, who keeps on truckin'. Weird, but --okay.
My man Lachlan is up next, and JB describes him as "easily one of the four best comics in this competition." Uh oh, Lachlan. That means JB thinks you've got to hustle. Lachlan is looking slightly more chiseled than last week. Is it the stress? Or is it the fact that he's clean shaven this week? The world may never know.
"I think I'm ready to settle down and meet my final woman," he says to a bunch of excited women. "I just haven't found one that will obey me yet." He claims that ending a sentence with "wit' yo fine ass" will give you the capability of saying anything you want to a woman, especially if they ask why your microwave cooking is taking too long. "Women like a guy who can work out, and have a good body," he says. "I do push ups with my chest, and for my lower body, I wear pants!" He's puzzled why exercise equipment asks your age from one to one hundred. "When you enter 100 on a Stairmaster, balloons should fall from the ceiling. And a banner should come out that says, 'You ARE the Stairmaster. Go home!'"
Keenen laughs throughout his positive review of Lachlan, and Russell thinks his style is as crooked as his smile. Russell thinks he had a great set, wit' you fine ass. Roseanne likes how his joke dig deep, and the audience thinks she's making an uncomfortable sexual innuendo. Then she steals Russell's "wit' you fine ass" bit. Seriously, Roseanne? Again?
Nikki has liked being able to make people laugh since she was a kid. "My mother always knew I wanted to be in show business," she said before thanking Last Comic Standing for the opportunity. She's learned a bunch from her mentors, and will always appreciate the advice she's been given.
Nikki sparkles as she takes the stage. Literally. Her shirt and blazer are shining brightly with the stage lights. "It really bothers me when people say black people are lazy. I mean, come on! We weren't the ones with the slaves!... We don't invent stuff to make other people lazy. The Clapper. Really? That's what we use our kids for." She shares stories of racial unity in the Bronx, and the audience can't get enough. "One time a black man did offer to help me. I was tending my tire. I was down with my back turned. He said, yo my man, you need help? You good? I didn't even bother turning around, I just said (gruff voice) 'Yeah man, thank you sir.'"
Russell, once again, didn't see this set coming and claims that she changes his mind daily. Which is strange, since Nikki has been pretty consistent throughout the show. Keenen and Roseanne both comment on her sparkly shirt, which is a testament to her persona. It went from a distraction to part of her, and her personality is stellar.
Joe Machi says that being a comedian isn't something you choose --it chooses you. He mentions the fact that he's told more jokes than the remaining comedians, based on that terrible deliberation episode a few weeks ago. But hey -- more exposure, right?
"Say gang, I uh -- I always hated having to fake sick to get off work. Because I am a terrible actor. I remember calling up my boss and telling her my pre-planned story of having a sore throat and an upset stomach. She's like 'Okay, but why did you say that in a Southern accent?" "Team -- when I was in college, we used to go drink a lot, and do some crazy stuff. This one time, my one friend and I got so drunk, and he passed out, and I didn' take him to the hospital. He could have died."
Okay. His introductions are the best thing that have happened so far. He's totally trying something new, and I'm loving every second of it.
"Gang, no one chooses to be homosexual. Unless someone is offering me 85 bucks." Claps ensue. "Evolution is a strange idea. Because they tell us beneficial traits survive. But how does that explain traits like wisdom teeth? Or ass hair? What possible use could there be for ass hair? Does it keep you warm? Nobody's ever said to me on a cold day, 'Joe it's freezing, where is your coat?' 'Come on guys, you've seen my ass!'" He ends with a complaint on how hard it is to lose eight of anything, when he can't even lose one virginity.
Keenen thinks Joe has changed! He started out being nervous and awkward, but now he has confidence and twinkle. "I fell in love with the awkward guy, and then this guy comes out," he says. Are they breaking up?! Joe mentions that the critique is making him quite, characteristically, uncomfortable. The critique ends on a good note. Phew.
Russell is absolutely amazed by him, and thinks he continues to deliver. Roseanne loves him, and wonders how the heck he has so much fresh material. She loves the confidence, and thinks he absolutely killed it.
Backstage, the comedians hang out. They're all friends, and fans of each other. It's adorable! Joe admits he's nervous, and likes the fact that he's gotten the chance to meet a lot of comedians he wouldn't have otherwise. "They're all very nice people," he states. Nikki brings out the "Last Female Standing" card again, which is getting kind of old. No matter what, they're all winners. Hooray!
But they're not, since JB is going to announce the loser soon. Which three will make it to the finale, and still have the chance to win $250,000 and a development deal with NBC?
The judges have a few final words, but they're all pretty standard. "You're great," "Congrats," and all of the stuff you'd hear at any graduation you've ever participated in.
The Final Three
JB has the cards in hand. The first safe comic is Rod Man. If he wins, he wants a Last Comic Standing belt, like a wrestler. Get on it, NBC Universal Store! I'm sure you'll sell at least five of them! JB wastes some time making faces at the camera before announcing the second comic that'll advance. Smoove, JB. Real Smoove.
Finally, the second comic is announced. It's Nikki Carr! Uh oh. Things don't look good for Lachlan. Everyone knows Joe is a powerhouse. But am I wrong?
Oh my gosh. I'm wrong. Lachlan is the third comic to continue forward, and Joe has been eliminated from the competition. I'm a Lachlan fan, but my heart just sank!
Joe is happy that he was able to spread his name out there, and possibly sell expensive t-shirts with his face on them. Hey, I'll buy one. The guy has chops.
Next Week: A two hour season finale, and someone will win! Also, Alignon Mitra will be coming back, since he won that online competition! And also, the judges do some stand up, to fill some time! You won't want to miss out on this one.
Watch an all new Last Comic Standing next Thursday on NBC at 10pm!
(image courtesy of NBC)