Remember when TLC stood for "The Learning Channel," and their motto was "a place for learning minds," and they featured documentary programs about everything from nature to technology to medicine, all with the goal of education?
Yeah, me neither. Maybe because it's been years since the channel featured anything even remotely educational, unless you consider the tantrums on [Jon and] Kate Plus 8
to be abstinence lessons. Or I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant
to be an extended seminar on how to have the world's most terrifying nightmares.
Well, now the "Life Surprises" network has surprised no one by announcing they'll debut a brand new series, Sextuplets Take New York
, on September 14. The series will follow the Carpio babies, whom TLC is calling "America's first Latino sextuplets," along with their parents and 9-year-old brother.
"Another show about multiples? YES!" I can hear you all yelling in ecstasy. "Honey, we're gonna need a bigger DVR! Maybe even multiple
DVRs ... get it?"
Alright, enough sarcasm. It's time for a reality check on TLC's bizarre niche of reality programming. Let's take a look at the programs that have become their bread and butter. 19 Kids and Counting:
A family seeks to be the first to possess every J-name in the English language by having as many children as is biologically possible.
[Jon and] Kate Plus 8:
Multiple babies, multiple yelling matches, multiple headaches, multiple unfortunate haircuts, multiple spin-offs, multiple veins popping out of your head between every commercial break.
I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant:
A sort of prequel to 19 Kids
and Kate Plus 8
, exploring every woman's worst fear in terrifying, blurred-around-the-edges nightmare reenactment sequences.
Little People, Big World:
A normal family in which some of them have dwarfism and some of them don't and all of them live on a farm.The Little Couple:
They're in love and they're normal except they're not because they're small.Little Chocolatiers:
See above, but add one long Oompa Loompa joke. ("That's offensive!" I know.
I didn't make it!)Toddlers and Tiaras:
The littlest of little people (actual babies) who dress up as big people for a living, and the big people with little brains who make them do it.One Big Happy Family:
The flipside! They're normal except they're not because they're obese but they're working on it.
For a network that also hosts series about addictions to drugs, hoarding
and terrible fashions, TLC would know their own addiction when they saw
it. But no. Welcome to the family, Sextuplets Take New York
. You're going to fit right in.What do you think of TLC's baby and little person focused programming? Will you watch Sextuplets Take New York?(Image via NY Daily News)