'Gossip Girl' Wrap-Up: The Good, the Bad, and the Insufferable Abrams
'Gossip Girl' Wrap-Up: The Good, the Bad, and the Insufferable Abrams
Meghan Carlson
Meghan Carlson
Senior Writer, BuddyTV
Tonight on Gossip Girl: Blair and Vanessa fought fire with fire over the freshman toast, and both ended up getting burned, while Dan and Olivia learned the hard way that using a middle man in your relationship is an easy way to (almost) end it. Plus, Serena played cards for Carter Baizen's safety from one merciless family while Nate played Serena to help his own. And, of course, how could I forget? Blair tricked Chuck into kissing a guy, all so she could shine at his expense. So, who played the game well, and who simply got played?

We're going to try something a little bit different this week, Gossip Girl fans. Instead of a straight, this-is-what-happened recap of tonight's "Enough About Eve," we're just going to hit the highlights, lowlights, and catfights of the night. Let me know how you like it!




Best Moments:

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Oops! I'm a college alum using my tiny position of power to barter my way into kissing a 19-year-old straight man for a scavenger hunt! What happened to my life plan?

The kiss, of course! Not that I exactly enjoy seeing Chuck Bass macking on a man, but his sheer sex appeal even when flirting with the opposite sex was admirable. Plus, he was so unphased afterwards. And then we found out why: "You really think I've never kissed a guy before?" Gotta love a man who's confident enough in his relationship--and sexuality--to share that tidbit with his girlfriend! Chuck's the king. Too bad this kiss lowered him to pawn status.

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Your turn for karaoke, Blair! How about "Killer Queen"?

Vanessa out-Machiavellis Blair. After preaching and preaching to Vanessa about how you've got to get down and dirty in order to ascend the throne, Blair saw the fruits of her teaching backfire when Vanessa turned on the mic during one of Blair's evil queen speeches while the whole freshman dinner audience listened in. It was a bittersweet moment, watching the annoyingly honest and sympathetic Vanessa stoop to her enemy's level, and the usually triumphant Blair get tricked by a lesser foe, but then again... what doesn't kill Blair will definitely make her stronger. And wiser, next time.

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Serena's poker strategy: distract them with her ovaries. 

Nate and Serena play right into each others' hands. A high-stakes card game ends up being fodder for the not-so-bright but beautiful pair to try out their poker faces... and both lost big, thanks to each other. Where Chuck and Blair can only succeed when they put their manipulative heads together, Nate and Serena seem doomed to just dig deeper (about $50K deeper?) holes for themselves together. Tragically (but hilariously) fitting. The good news? They both learned something. Nate learned not to wager his political agenda on a desperate girl in love, and Serena learned that when you're gambling for human lives, what's in your winning pot most likely won't stay there for long. At least that's what I hope they learned.

Best Quotes:

Chuck to Blair: I know it might take time, but one day you will hold that school in the palm of your dainty hand.

Blair to Vanessa: See, that's where you and I are different. I would never put my fate in someone else's hands. That's why I always win. And you lose.

Blair: He double crossed me, and I...
Chuck: Demand satisfaction.
Blair: Oh, my wonderful man. I'll just go powder my nose for... ten minutes?
Chuck: I only need five.

Chuck: I'm not that kind of girl.
Ellis: Do you have a boyfriend?
Chuck: Not exactly...

Blair: Out, you cableknit queen!

Olivia to Rufus and Lily: Totes! So, anyone famous here? I mean... besides me.
Olivia (later, on her cellphone): I love you too, bitch.

Chuck: Dinner was canceled. He had to fly home.... Something about a revolution.

Blair to Lily: Where did you learn to give a pep talk? Guantanamo?

The Episode's Worsts:

Vanessa's mom. Just as unorthodox, outspoken and annoying as her daughter, and with the same penchant for over-accessorizing. Get back to your chicken coops and homemade-rhubarb making, PLEASE! One Abrams is quite enough.

Olivia's NYU Freshman Dinner dress. The only thing saving Hilary Duff's character from life in fashion jail without parole is the hope that that too-tight, too, short, too-orange-and-matching-her-fake-tan and totally inappropriate for a parents' dinner dress was directly related to her "plot" to insult Dan's parents with her "shallow Hollywood pinhead"-edness. The earrings definitely helped in that department, too.

No Dorota or Eric?! Please. Blair was having a full-on meltdown, and the Humphrey-Van der Woodsen clan was having waffles. They both would have been there.

Blair's most recent fall from grace. Can't our favorite queen catch a break around here? Granted, Blair had it coming to her this time, when she manipulated the one person she cares too much about (besides Serena... right?) to use and abuse. But Blair's been downtrodden so much this season that we can barely remember what she's like at the top. Carter's line about how he'd rather have Serena hate than pity him might just as well apply to Ms. Waldorf, who is in serious danger of character-assasination! Can't the writers find a way for Chuck and Blair to be together, for Blair to rule NYU, and for us to both love and fear her again... without the whole show becoming boring? Is that so much to ask? No? Then let's also ask for Chuck to be shirtless more often. That oughta do it.

Burning Questions from the episode:

  • Will Chuck and Blair break up now that Chuck thinks Blair doesn't respect him?
  • Are Vanessa and Blair actually bonding over the fact that their favorite people despise them right now, and does that mean they're going to be FRIENDS NOW?
  • If Carter is really going to Texas on an oil rig, why did we see him getting into a limo?
  • Will Sophie keep her Minion #1 status over what's-her-face?
  • Now that it's officially fall, will Serena ever invest in pants?
  • Will Rufus get to keep his Welcome Back, Kotter mugs?!

What did you think of tonight's Gossip Girl?

Were you happier than a complimentary Japanese watch, or sadder than a pink disembodied goblin claw?

Let me know YOUR favorite quotes, moments and more in the comments!

 


-Meghan Carlson, BuddyTV Staff Writer
Images courtesy of the CW

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