'Gossip Girl' Fan Columnist: We Caught You Plotting Murder
'Gossip Girl' Fan Columnist: We Caught You Plotting Murder
Matthew Mendoza
Matthew Mendoza
Contributing Writer, BuddyTV

It's all about appearances on the Upper East Side, and while some struggle to evolve and reinvent themselves, others fight to tip the social scales in their favor.


A lot happened in "Juliet Doesn't Live Here Anymore," including Dan realizing he's still pining for a certain blonde, two devilish brunettes realizing they may still have feelings for each other, and one Brooklyn outsider stepping back into the ring after brutally being knocked out in the last round. Read on to find out who is whom (and who's sleeping with whom).

Songs of Love and Hate


Serena tells Blair good morning by barging into her bedroom and talking about how hard it is to avoid sleeping with Colin. At that very second, Blair's learning how hard it is to avoid sleeping with Chuck, who's under the sheets doing Bass-like things. They swear to put a stop to their raunchy rendezvous, only to break that promise moments later with semi-public sex, their favorite kind. When Serena catches the two, Chuck's hair ruffled and Blair's skirt on backwards, she warns Blair of the dangers of Bassatitis. Blair confesses that she's lost count of how many times she's let the Bass swim in her waters, so she turns to Dorota and macaroons to prevent herself from running into his arms again.


I'm A Fake


Nate goes to Juliet's apartment to try and pick up his jock strap and tweezers, but the doorman tells him that no one named Juliet has ever lived there. Tired of being lied to, he joins forces with the now-badass Vanessa to uncover the truth about Juliet. While he's distracting her with coffee, Vanessa finds Juliet's real apartment and snoops until she finds the pictures of Serena and Colin kissing. Seeking revenge for when Serena humiliated her, Vanessa plays puppet master over Juliet and convinces her to aid in her confrontation with the dean. Before the dean can see the photos, however, Blair drowns the memory stick in champagne and gives an excuse so tedious that the dean would rather turn around and watch the ballet instead. Chuck, Blair, Serena and Nate all take turns spitting on Juliet and telling her to get out of town.


How do you think Juliet will get revenge? >>


Bizarre Love Triangle


Dan grows more curious of Serena and what college life must be like for her, which mostly entails her strolling around campus texting professors and planning how to get there on time. When Dan tells Serena that she's worth more than Colin's giving her, she tells the naughty professor that they shouldn't be together anymore. So Colin does the natural thing and resigns from teaching so that they can be together, which piques her interest for five seconds. Then Dan witnesses their climactic kiss in front of the fountain and gets pouty, which prompts Serena to break up with Mr. Forrester yet again. She leaves Dan an adorable message telling him to meet her for drinks, but when he does he finds Nate in his place, who's asking Serena for a second chance.


Good Girls Go Bad


Blair and Chuck make a toast to being excellent at being wicked, rave over the rush of a social takedown, and then declare themselves nothing more than friends ... right before Chuck devours her face and carries her upstairs. Have they run out of ideas already? After having sex on staircases, in limos, on pianos and in telephone booths, Chuck and Blair have finally decided to do it in her bed like a normal couple. Does this mean they'll be a normal couple? One can dream. Meanwhile, a scorned Juliet teams up with the other two most-hated characters on the show, Vanessa and Jenny (via webcam). The three try to cook up more ways to orchestrate the downfall of Queen S. Will they be more successful if they put their heads together?


(Image courtesy of the CW)