'Gossip Girl' Fan Columnist: Hate Sex and Hidden Cameras
'Gossip Girl' Fan Columnist: Hate Sex and Hidden Cameras
Matthew Mendoza
Matthew Mendoza
Contributing Writer, BuddyTV

Birthdays and anniversaries come and go, but Gossip Girl makes sure nothing on the Upper East Side is ever mundane.


Jenny Humphrey may have been absent in last night's episode, "War at the Roses," but there certainly wasn't a shortage of drama or heartbreak as two milestones arrived for some of our beloved New Yorkers.

Birthday Sex


Gossip Girl opens with a montage of golden leaves. Fall, a season of change. And how fitting, because apparently Blair addresses and licks her own envelopes now? She discusses plans for her 20th birthday party with Dorota and Eleanor right before being summoned to a peace treaty, in which she and Chuck divide up the city. (By the way, she's back to wearing headbands! Who else is as ecstatic about this as I am?!) Later, she impresses the dean at her party, which boasts guests such as Cynthia Rowley, Rachel Zoe and Joe Zee.


During the proceedings, however, some woman named Rita, thinking the party is a roast, airs a video of a drunken Blair singing "Stand by Your Man." Blair assumes this degradation is Chuck's doing and angrily admits that she looked for him that summer. He's noticeably moved by this, and when Blair turns to her mother for advice, Eleanor counsels her to keep her heart open. Or, in this case, her legs. When Blair gets ready for bed, she finds Chuck still in her penthouse, who rips up the peace treaty. And after repeatedly claiming to hate each other, they finally rip each other's clothes off.


Are Chuck and Blair even? >>


Become What You Hate


Rufus and Lily decide not to do anything special for their anniversary, considering Jenny's hiding away in Hudson. The Plaid Boys find this unfair, so they plot to drive a wedge back in between Blair and Chuck, which they think will avenge Gothic Barbie. Dan and Eric's first plan, involving a bogus GG blast suggesting a summer fling between Blair and Jack, backfired. This caused Dan to move on to Plan B, which led to the drunken-Blair-singing non-scandal. When Dan confesses to being the one behind the release of the tape, Rufus overhears and is disappointed in him, because the Humphreys must always be disappointed in something. But when "Dan" makes a bunch of "decorations" out of "paper" to "apologize" for what he did, Rufus admits he's no longer crestfallen, and will be disappointed in something else. Right after shoving his tongue down Lily's throat.


Scandalous Scholastics


Serena and Colin meet for coffee, conversation and eye-sex. Later, she informs Nate that she's happy and he brilliantly deduces it's because of a new man. When Serena tells Juliet she's been seeing her professor, Juliet convinces her that if she's not putting out like usual then he's probably looking for opportunities elsewhere. So a jealous Serena goes to Colin's house to "give him her favorite book," which is The Beautiful and Damned, which sounds like a perfect description of her life. She then discovers that Colin's in fact not sleeping around, and that he'll also be attending Blair's birthday party. So she appoints Nate to baby-sit her during the party, ensuring that she won't leap into Colin's lap. She and Nate flirt about flared nostrils and the Gettysburg address, but Nate gets all jealous when he sees Colin and Juliet together. He forces her to tell the truth, which is (apparently) that Colin's her cousin. Juliet tells Ben that Colin doesn't know about their scheme, so Ben instructs her to uncover evidence of his relationship with Serena and get her expelled. Juliet does indeed obtain proof when she films Serena and Colin sharing one steamy kiss ...


(Image courtesy of the CW)