This week's Gossip Girl had Cece Rhodes turning the van der Woodsen's world upside down from beyond the grave. Not content with stirring the pot in life, she just had to scheme her way into the afterlife, too. Now that she's left all her money to Ivy Dickens - the con artist with a heart of gold, that is until she kicks Rufus and Lily out of her own apartment - how will Serena's family make ends meet? Well, Aunt Carol has a plan at least, involving a secret love child and an indiscretion that just might tear two estranged sisters even further apart.
Season 5, episode 17 ("The Princess Dowry") dropped a ton of bombs, from Georgina finally succeeding in bankrupting Blair's family and Blair finally succeeding in falling out of love with Chuck and into Dan to Lily informing Chuck that his evil uncle Jack saved his life and Serena becoming the new Gossip Girl. Perhaps there was too much going on, and that's why none of the events really seemed to land? Tonight's best quotes have our characters mirroring the same confusion as the audience regarding the current storylines.
#10. Gossip Girl: "They say we should carry our secrets to the grave, but on the Upper East Side, secrets are the one thing you can never bury."
- This, at least, was not a lie. There was no shortage of secrets on tonight's episode.
#9. Lily: "I can hear my mother laughing all the way from the grave."
- Can we get a spin off that is nothing but Cece wrecking havoc from her cushy spot in Heaven? Please?
#8. Lola: "Don't give me that let's-talk-about-our-feelings face."
Nate: "What? This is normal face!"
- The best part? That is his normal face!
#7. Georgina: "Look at me, I'm exhausted and aggravated. I have no social life to speak of. I feel like a stay-at-home mom."
Philip: "Oh, honey, don't say that!"
- Even poor Georgina realizes her stint as Gossip Girl is depressing.
#6. Philip: "Copy. Paste. Post."
- It was a scene of a man copying and pasting a post into a Tumblr blog, and he still did it wrong.
#5. Ivy: "I know this sounds ridiculous, but the van der Woodsens are the closest thing I have to an actual family."
- When a character has to preface their motivations with an acknowledgement of how ridiculous they sound, you know that's a problem.
#4. Blair: "Less about you, more about me."
- Pretty much the motto of season 5.
#3. Chuck: "I wouldn't dream of adding to your burden."
Lily: "Oh, come on. You never have."
- In an episode filled with big bangs that missed the mark, this was one little whimper that truly hit home.
#2. Dorota: "Goodbye is never easy."
Serena: "I know, but it's all I seem to say these days."
- The next most heartbreaking line in the episode, this made it clear that Serena's the unsung tragedy in this season of Gossip Girl.
#1. Dan (to Blair): "If you came here to tell me what a horrible person I am, then you're too late. I already know."
- Is he really, though? And does he really know? It seems Blair was quick to forgive and move on to the macking, so I'm left unsure if we'll ever explore what's caused Dan to give up all his morals and just become one more schemer.
Tatiana del Pilar
(Image Courtesy of The CW)