This week's Gossip Girl was all about making the best out of a bad situation. Dan and Blair can't have sex? Get drunk and do it in dirty public places! Lily and Rufus can't get their fancy Prada Marfa loft back? At least they have a new family member in Lola! Ivy's assets got frozen? She sure does know how to throw a great party, though. Serena gets fired because Nate suddenly grows some balls? It's okay, she's Gossip Girl now! Chuck has no family except for a creepy uncle with Hepatitis C? He'll just track down his possibly fake mom! Speaking of possible fake moms, Diana Payne is coming back into town just in time to save Nate's newspaper from financial ruin and hopefully reveal to Chuck that she is his father. Here are the best quotes of the night:
Rufus: "I may have made a few too many waffles..."
- "Too many waffles" is not a phrase that should exist in Rufus Humphrey's vocabulary. I reject this statement.
Jack (to Chuck, about Nate): "It's about time he confessed his true feelings for you."
- Whenever Jack Bass arrives, we can be sure homoerotic references to Archibass will arrive with him. God bless you, Desmond Harrington.
Gossip Girl: "Let's hope that good flings come to those who wait?"
- Is that Serena making fun of her BFF and ex-BF's sex life? Or is it Gossip Girl? But Serena IS Gossip Girl! What is happening?!
Blair: "Everyone brings the baby a gift, but no one needs champagne like a new mother."
- Ignoring Blair's general lack of emotion regarding babies who lived while hers died, this is probably the wisest thing Blair Waldorf has said all season.
Lily: "Red wine. At a cocktail party."
- I love Lily. She manages to convey so much disgust in so few words.
Ivy: "We used to have such a wonderful relationship."
- Yes, Ivy, until you kicked her out of her apartment. Maybe that damaged the friendship a bit.
Chuck: "Don't call him cripple to his face."
Jack: "Sorry, kid. But, let's face it, you're crippled."
- I think the world is clamoring for a Bass Men spin-off. Does anyone else agree?
Lola: "Stop saying 'our.' I don't even know if I want to be a part of this family."
- If only we mere mortals could opt out of being members of our own families. Lucky Lola!
Dan: "This is just proof that sometimes you have to throw away the first pancake."
- How could you, Dan? Cheating on waffles already?
Nate (to Serena): "You're fired."
- W H A T. First of all, poor Serena can't catch a break on her dumb moves this season. But aside from that, did anyone else get a little excited, seeing Nate all angry and masculine like that? Rawr. Just saying.
Tatiana del Pilar
(Image courtesy of The CW)