Secrets, secrets, are no fun. Secrets, secrets, hurt someone.

Did anyone else learn this simple mantra in grade school? No? Just me? Well, regardless, this little lesson has served me well over the years, and pretty much all the characters on Gossip Girl last night could have used such a nursery-rhyme reminder. Monday's episode, “In the Realm of the Basses,” brings us into a post-New Year's Upper Eastside, where things are even more confused and frightening than before—and all because of secrets.

Secrets can be fun while they last, and there's still that age-old saying: “What they don't know can't hurt ‘em.” But the tricky thing about secrets is that they don't stay secrets for long. The secret that we most want to keep hidden is the one that always find a way to the surface. And the person whom we most want to protect from the truth—well, they're pretty much guaranteed to find out. That's just how secrets work. It's only a matter of time.

Of course, we all know this. And readers of Gossip Girl's blog like Blair (Leighton Meester), Serena (Blake Lively), Lily (Kelly Rutherford), Dan (Penn Badgley), and Chuck (Ed Westwick) know better than anyone that, in their world, no secret is safe. And yet—whether by stupidity, arrogance, naiveté, or sheer pluck—they keep on trying to bury that which refuses to stay buried.

Jenny (Taylor Momsen) is able to exploit Penelope, Hazel, and Isabel's dirty little secrets in order to win Nelly's freedom. But Nelly has a secret of her own: she never wanted her freedom in the first place, just a promotion and a new queen. Some secrets are surprising.

Lily kept the biggest secret of all from Rufus (Matthew Settle) for twenty years, which sounds like a record on this show, but he finds out eventually. And then what does he do? He turns around and hides it from Dan and Jenny. Dan, of course, finds out about Lily and Rufus's love child—and keeps it from Serena. Oh, what tangled webs the van der Woodsens weave!

Then there's Blair and Chuck, whom we last saw parting ways after Bart Bass's funeral. Blair said, “I love you,” and Chuck responded by flying to Bangkok and smoking opium with Thai hookers. Now Uncle Jack has dragged Chuck back to New York. Chuck goes through the stages of grief: rejecting all offers of help and comfort, smoking hash at school, buying up an expensive burlesque club, and getting wasted on a rooftop ledge. You know, the usual. But by the end, Blair has gotten Chuck back (and off the ledge), and he even says two words that, while they might not be as big as the three she told him, they're a good start: “I'm sorry.” Chuck's let his guard down, and Blair's finally being honest about her feelings, when—BAM!—a secret gets thrown into the mix. We don't know exactly what happened between Blair and Uncle Jack, but we do know two things: it's not good, and Chuck will find out.

Sure, all these secrets make for interesting television. But from up here on my moral high horse, they're more than a little frustrating. And, as someone who really does try to keep honesty as my best policy, I'll be honest with you: all these secrets stress me out. It doesn't look like our characters on Gossip Girl are going to learn better anytime soon. I just hope that—after all the secrets have come out (as they inevitably will) and done their damage—the truth of Blair and Chuck's feelings for each other (and Serena and Dan, and Rufus and Lily) will help them salvage whatever's left.


Read our Gossip Girl: Episode 2.14 "In the Realm of the Basses" Recap!


Best In Show:

Best Quotes: "So... Nelly Yuki is the new old Jenny Humphrey." -Eric to Jenny, after witnessing Nelly's indentured servitude

"He was probably thinking about you the whole time he was gone." -Serena
"Not unless I was a Thai hooker named Bo." -Blair, on Chuck's trip to Bangkok

"A postcard would have been fine. I'm really happy for you--I'm gonna go vomit now." -Blair when she finds out Serena and Dan are back together

"The only way Nelly is leaving is in a body bag." -Penelope
"God, P... tone down the crazy." -Hazel

"It was hash, actually. I find it gives a softer high." -Chuck, on the differences between hash and weed

"How Dickensian." -Chuck, on Rufus's many orphanage visits

Best Scene: The rooftop, hands down. Ed Westwick continues to impress us with his dark and depressed Chuck, and Blair's appeal to him to come down off the ledge was heartfelt and tragic at the same time. She also managed to school Jack on How To Deal With Ledge Jumpers 101. When Chuck apologized, I won't lie--I teared up a bit.

Best User Comment: "Anyone else SO SO happy not to have to deal with any N/V ickyness? [...] Look Nate can come back, but can Vanessa move or something?" -Rosewater0, reminding us that when some characters go missing... we really don't miss them at all!


Love it or hate it? Rant and rave about last night's episode - Comment Below.



-Meghan Carlson, BuddyTV Staff Writer
Image courtesy of the CW