is a bit
like a cop procedural on CBS. The only way to enjoy it is to turn your
brain off, because if you start thinking about all the plot holes,
terrible decisions, out-of-character twists and utter waste of talented
people, it will make you go crazy. So just ignore this recap, as well as
all of the actual dialogue and storylines this week, and instead listen
to the Stevie Wonder hits.
This week on Glee
we learn that Will and Emma are engaged again, Blaine wants to marry Kurt, Burt doesn't have cancer and Cassandra has secretly admired Rachel all season. And Golden Globe winner Katey Sagal shows up for about 30 seconds of total insignificance.
A Wonder-ful Week
Rachel calls up Will to let him know she has a second callback for Funny Girl against just two other girls. He takes this wonderful news as inspiration for an all-Stevie Wonder Week. Things are also wonderful because Brittany got an early acceptance to MIT (which is actually the single most believable plot development of the week) and Emma and Will are re-engaged and getting married after Regionals.
No, seriously, it turns out all of those issues between Will and Emma have magically resolved off-screen. It's almost like that whole "runaway bride" thing was a cheap trick by the writers to cause fake drama before the show went on its spring hiatus, but they regretted it and just decided to pretend like it never happened. I don't know why I'm surprised since Glee
's unofficial motto is: "No Consequences."Cassandra and Rachel
At NYADA we learn Rachel is competing for Funny Girl against Sutton Foster (who would do it on her Bunheads
hiatus) and Mamie Gummer (Meryl Streep's daughter who has free time now that Emily Owens, M.D
. was canceled). Two fellow students tell Cassandra about this, so she plots the demise of Rachel.
The callback is the same day as Rachel's big dance midterm, so Cassandra reschedules it for the very next morning. But when Rachel shows up, everything is good and people hold up signs congratulating her on the callback. It turns out Cassandra secretly loves Rachel, thinks she's really talented, and the only reason she was so hard on her was to make her a star. Fine, whatever, just promise me that Kate Hudson will never return to Glee
and I'll go along with this idiocy.Kurt and Blaine
Kurt comes home because his dad is getting news about his prostate cancer. The stress has given Kurt a sudden case of O.C.D., just like Lena Dunham's character on HBO's Girls
. So now Glee
has resorted to stealing the worst storyline from that awful HBO show? It's like they're actively trying to piss me off.
Anyway, Kurt goes to the hospital and Burt Hummel is now cancer-free. Of course, because every time something bad happens, life miraculously solves it and makes things good again. See: Quinn being paralyzed, Wemma's break-up, Rachel's pregnancy, losing Sectionals, etc. No Consequences!
Then comes the moment I feared when Blaine asks Burt Hummel for permission to marry Kurt. I don't know why I was worried, because as bad as Glee
has become, the one thing I can always rely on is that Burt Hummel is the voice of reason.
Burt (who we learn is STILL in Congress) explains that this is a terrible idea for many reasons. If Blaine truly believes he and Kurt are meant to be together, then it'll work out without getting married as teens. He also points out that Finn and Rachel already proved what a bad idea this is. Finally, he lets Blaine know that marriage, whether gay or straight, is a serious thing and not something you should do as a ploy to win someone back.
God bless Burt Hummel. Obviously he's right. Whether or not Blaine listened remains to be seen, though since we already know he's gonna try to buy a ring from Patty Duke next week, I'm left to assume the hair gel is seeping into his brain and causing him to make poor decisions.
I'd also like to point out that the name "Adam" was not mentioned once in this entire episode. Is Kurt still dating that Brit? Because last time I checked, Kurt decided to stay with Adam because he wanted to get over Blaine. Maybe Adam is busy hanging out with Joe Hart and Sugar Motta, since we still have absolutely no idea where those two are.Mercedes and Mike
Will calls Mercedes and Mike Chang to come back to help New Directions with vocals and dancing, respectively. I'm glad to see these familiar faces, but it's pretty insulting to imply that these kids need this much help. And I guess the show is just going to completely ignore Finn's absence since we all now know Cory Monteith was in rehab. It's crazy how the last time we saw Finn he vowed to help New Directions win Regionals, and then he disappeared.
The whole coaching thing doesn't really do anything. They think Jake needs to dance more and Marley should do vocal runs, which is ironic since Harry Connick, Jr. has been giving the exact opposite advice on American Idol
In non-glee club news, Mercedes has a new album and is in town to film a video for her first song (the original hit "Hell to the No"). But the producers want her to be sexier and won't promote the album unless she sells sex or they use a fake, skinny model for the album cover.
She decides to stay true to her principles, so she loses her record deal but still has all the CDs she got made, which she'll now sell at churches and out of her car until she becomes a big star on her own terms.
I know I'm supposed to be in love with her morals, but seriously, she could've had a record deal and a major promotion of her music if she just showed a little cleavage for the cover. Would that really have been the end of the world?Artie and Kitty
In case you haven't had your fill of truly terrible and pointless stories this week, Artie gets accepted at the Brooklyn Film Academy, but he's nervous about leaving home. Kitty butts her nose into his storyline for absolutely no reason other than the fact that he ogled her during the Spice Girls routine a few weeks ago.
She goes to his mom behind his back, which leads to a quick scene where Mrs. Abrams (wasted guest star Katey Sagal) says she wants him to go. So now he's going. Sagal literally had about one minute of screen time in a single scene. That waste of talent is the most infuriating part of the episode.
Next week on Glee
: It's Regionals! And Rachel's callback! And a wedding! And the catfish is revealed! And it's the season 4 finale!
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(Image courtesy of FOX)