'Game of Thrones' Recap: The Stark Kids Make Some New Friends
'Game of Thrones' Recap: The Stark Kids Make Some New Friends
John Kubicek
John Kubicek
Senior Writer, BuddyTV
In the second episode of Game of Thrones season 3, all of the Stark children show up and make some new acquaintances. Some are archers, some are wargs and others are sassy old ladies. There's also Theon being tortured (YAY!), Margaery stroking Joffrey's crossbow (EWW!) and a Brienne vs. Jaime swordfight (AWESOME!).

Arya's New Friends

Arya, Hot Pie and Gendry walk along while Gendry mocks her for not using her three kills from Jaqen H'ghar more wisely. I could watch an entire hour of Arya and Gendry being adorable BFFs. They run into some trouble when they meet Thoros of Myr, head of the Brotherhood Without Banners, and his highly skilled archer Anguy. The Brotherhood is trying to stop the war and, as their name suggests, aren't aligned with any House.

Thoros and his men take the three back to their camp for some food, because they're kind of amused by how brash Arya is. Things take a turn for the worst when Anguy shows up with a prisoner, none other than The Hound, who spoils Arya's secret by announcing that she's a Stark. So much for staying undercover. On the bright side, The Hound and Sansa were great together, so hopefully he'll be just as cool with Arya.

Bran's New Friends

Bran makes a new friend in his black magic dream, a kid named Jojen Reed (played by Thomas Brodie-Sangster, the adorable little Sam from Love Actually, all grown up). A short while later Jojen and his sister Meera show up in the real world, because they've been looking for Bran. It turns out they're all wargs, which is the official term for someone with the ability to see through the eyes of animals and have visions of the past and future. So now Bran, Rickon, Osha and Hodor have a little company on their trip.

Sansa's New Friends

Sansa is asked to have brunch with Margaery Tyrell and her grandmother, Olenna. She's accompanied by Loras Tyrell, and I'm definitely picking up some major romantic vibes between Sansa and Loras. I know she's still very young (and he's gay), but I'm totally 'shipping Sansa and Loras. They would have pretty, curly-haired babies.

When she sits down with Olenna (Diana Rigg, the original Emma Peel from The Avengers), we quickly find out that Olenna is just like the Dowager Countess from Downton Abbey. She's wonderfully funny, especially when she's demanding cheese. Olenna wants to know the secret truth about Joffrey, and while Sansa is hesitant at first, she lets her guard down and reveals that he's "a monster" who beheaded her father and made her stare it his head on a spike.

Jon Snow's New Friend

North of the Wall, Jon Snow marches with Mance Rayder to the Fist of the First Men to go to war with the Night's Watch. Along the way they meet yet another new character, Orell, who is ALSO a warg. Being a warg isn't so special since they seem to be everywhere this week.

Robb's New Mission

Robb Stark doesn't actually make any new friends this week, but he does have a new mission after learning that Catelyn's dad died, so now they're on their way to Riverrun for the funeral. They also, sadly, learn about Winterfell burning to the ground and Bran and Rickon being MIA.

In one of the best scenes of the episode, Catelyn tells a fantastic story about how she wished Jon Snow would die when he was a little boy and then he got sick, so she regretted it and promised the gods that if he got better, she'd change his last name to Stark and take him in as one of her own. He got better, but obviously his name isn't Jon Stark, so now Catelyn blames herself for everything bad that's happened to her family. That's rough, but I think the Lannisters can carry SOME of the burden.

Margaery Strokes Joffrey's Crossbow

After hearing about Joffrey the Monster, Margaery decides to solve the problem by cozying up to him. He asks her why she never gave Renly any children, and the worst kept rumor in the Seven Kingdoms gets outed. Joffrey proves that he is not a supporter of gay marriage by considering making homosexuality punishable by death. Wow, it's not like we need any more reasons to hate him, but there it is.

Joffrey is polishing his new crossbow (not a euphemism) and Margaery admires it and starts to rub it (still not a euphemism). She goes on and on about how sexy hunting is and how she wants to see him kill something, so obviously she knows how to turn him on. If The Bachelor were more like this, I'd watch it.

Brienne vs. Jaime

Brienne is still trying to walk Jaime Lannister to King's Landing to exchange him for Arya and Sansa, but things take a turn when he steals one of her swords. The result is a bad-ass swordfight on a bridge, but it ends quickly when some of Robb Stark's men show up to take the Kingslayer back to the King in the North. Sorry, Brienne, you tried and failed, but on the bright side, it wouldn't have mattered because there's no way it would've ended well if she made it to King's Landing.

Theon Gets Tortured

So you know how everybody hates Theon? Well, good news, because this week he gets stabbed in the hand and has a corkscrew run through his feet. He's being tortured about why he took Winterfell, though we have no idea where he is or who has him (a comment elsewhere in the episode reveals that Robb Stark's men don't have him). At the end of his torture session a man comes up and tells him that his sister Yara sent him to rescue Theon. My guess, for the sake of getting characters in the same place, is that he's being tortured in Riverrun by the Tullys.

Next week on Game of Thrones: We get back to Daenerys and Stannis, who I surprisingly didn't miss this week thanks to the combined awesomeness of the Stark family.

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(Image courtesy of HBO)