Previously on Flavor of Love 3
: Arch-rivals Seezinz
(along with innocent Black
) made the final three after Thing 2
was too clingy.
Before the flight to France, Seezinz and Sinceer get into yet another argument, this one about how Sinceer backstabbed Thing 2. It amounts to nothing, so the next morning Flavor Flav
takes his final three ladies to one of the “most romantical” places on Earth. They arrive in Cannes (or as Flav pronounces it, “cans”), which is home to casinos, baguettes, French fries and French people.
Once at the hotel, the concierge babbles in French, and the show subtitles him in Flav-Speak: “What up, playa?” and “Yeah, BOY-EEE!” I only took one year of French in college, but I'm pretty sure he didn't say any of those things. The next morning the ladies have breakfast on the beach of the French Riviera. We learn that Seezinz didn't have fireworks go off the first time she kissed Flav, and that she also has the ability to manipulate Black's words to make her sound terrible, when in reality Black is innocent and sweet, if not a little slow.
Flav takes the women on a yacht where he proceeds to maul Black (who is happy to reciprocate). Sinceer gets jealous and tries to butt in, but when they go swimming, Sinceer didn't wear her bathing suit bottom and can't go in, giving Black more time to explore the inside of Flavor Flav's mouth. That night, Flav takes the women to a soiree (a word Black is confused by). For some reason, Sinceer and Black are both wearing similar peach-pink dresses, letting Seezinz stand out in baby blue.
In France, “soiree” must be code for “old white people's party,” because that's what it is. In French, the host proudly introduces the other guests to the rap superstar gracing their party, MC Hammer. Hilarious. The ladies all start grinding on Flav, then, for some reason, Seezinz decides to waltz with an old white dude. It looks like the start of the interracial Anna Nicole Smith story.
Seezinz asks for and gets a night cap with Flavor Flav, but their make-out session is interrupted by Sinceer, who hijacks the alone-time. With Seezinz gone, Flav and Sinceer “conversate” all night long. That is, until Black convinces Seezinz to go back and reclaim her man. Black is playing an awesome strategy that involves letting the other two women destroy each other. Maybe she's smarter than she looks and acts. Too bad for Seezinz, Flav doesn't answer the door this time,
The next morning, Sinceer returns to the room in the clothes she was wearing last night. Black jokingly asks her where she was last night, and Sinceer takes this as proof that Black is a jealous psych, which it totally isn't. The bellhop delivers the Flavogram (which he manages to make sound sophisticated) and it informs the ladies there are three solo dates, one for an hour, one for 30 minutes, and one for 15 minutes. Since her night cap was cut short, Seezinz claims the hour-long date, and since Sinceer spent the night with him, she gets the 15 minutes (and is shockingly OK with that).
Sinceer spends 15 minutes on the beach getting a wine and cheese lesson. Flavor Flav doesn't approve of “camel-bear” cheese (aka Camembert). Sinceer tells him about Black inquiring about her whereabouts the previous night, and Flav's CamelBear-hating, pea-sized brain accepts this as proof of Black's psychotic, stalker-ish nature.
Flav and Black drink a big, blue cocktail and he goes right into Sinceer's comments. Black correctly points out she was joking, but Flav has New York flashbacks and questions Black's jealousy. Here's the problem with this show and all shows like it: Black SHOULD be jealous, because the man she's trying to be with spent the night with another woman, and armed with that knowledge, questioning whether her man hooked up with another woman isn't jealousy so much as common sense. Of course, common sense has no place on this show.
Black returns to the room and goes off on Sinceer, as she has every right to do, because Sinceer spent her whole date talking about how Flav shouldn't pick Black rather than why he should pick Sinceer. Black demands to have Seezinz' one-hour date, which I have to admit is a bit psycho. The three girls go to Flav, who plays King Solomon and decides the date belongs to Seezinz. They get a French lesson, which she thinks goes great, but which in reality goes about as well as an amateur chef's soufflé.
Seezinz gives Black bitch lessons in how to throw other girls under the bus, which leads to Black telling Flav that Seezinz told her the only reason she was still here was because her feud with Sinceer made for good TV. Of course, on Flavor of Love 3
, “good TV” is a relative term. Seezinz only half-denies the allegation, which means it's 100 percent true.
Flavor of Love 3 Elimination Time
! In short order, Flav eliminates Seezinz. But that's not all! Flav pulls out his magic wand (not a euphemism) and does a magic trick, bringing Thing 2 back into the competition. He then informs the ladies that the plans are just for two, so another lady will be eliminated the next morning. I'm going to assume it's not Thing 2, otherwise that was a colossal waste of time and money.
Next week on Flavor of Love 3
: A clip show. Lame. Then in two weeks, Flav sends another girl home, then chooses his winner from the final two. Who am I picking to win? In the immortal words of convict Wesley Snipes, “Always bet on Black.”
-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of VH1)