Flavor of Love

Previously on Flavor of Love 3: The exes arrived, and Thing 1's big, fat ex-boyfriend opened his big, fat mouth about how she gave him big, fat oral sex one week before the show started, so she was sent home. So was Prototype, because she has daddy issues surrounding alcoholism, and ain't no woman gonna tell Flavor Flav what beverages he can and cannot imbibe.

Thing 2 mourns the loss of her twin sister, but luckily, she has Sinceer (or “Thing 3,” as she calls her) to spoon with and make it all right. The next morning the ladies get their next challenge from Big Rick, and they're heading down to the radio station to go on the air with Big Boy to see who's best for Flavor Flav.

At the station, Sinceer gets wasted before the show, picking up where Hotlanta left off. Once in the studio, Big Boy warns them not to curse, as the fines are huge. It takes all of a few seconds before all the ladies are yelling at each other, dropping F-bombs like there's no tomorrow, and Big Boy just gives up any hope of controlling these crazy women.

The callers all like Seezinz, because she yells the most and calls out all the other ladies. Big Boy and his crew like Black because, while sitting between Thing 2 and Seezinz, she was somehow able to keep her composure. Therefore, Seezinz and Black get the solo dates.

Back in the mansion, the coven of Black, Thing 2 and Sinceer plot against Tree, because she has no idea who Flavor Flav and only auditioned because she likes casting calls, as exhibited by the fact that she tried out for America's Next Top Model. The girls and Flavor Flav head out to the pool where Sinceer brings this subject up. He asks Tree about other auditions, and she only says she's done some modeling work at “ghetto fashion shows.” Apparently Flavor Flav hates the word “ghetto” because he thinks it's racist as he used to love the ghetto he lived in. I'm not going to pretend to understand this topic, but it seems to be that if the ghetto was as wonderful as Flavor Flav claims, he wouldn't have worked so hard to get out.

Black and Flavor Flav go out on their date, with him adorned in a pink suit complete with a cane. At the restaurant, he has the waiter do some magic, because Flavor Flav loves magic. I smell a future tie-in with the new VH1 series Celebracadabra. Afterwards, Flavor Flav has ideas about a nightcap with Black, but Thing 2 wants to steal him away with her “secret” family recipe for Banana Bread Pudding. The “secret” appears to be Nilla Wafers, several vanilla pudding cups and some bananas, all covered with whipped cream. The secret is out! Though I shouldn't make fun, because it actually looks pretty tasty.

The next day, Seezinz gets her date, which involves going into the backyard where Sid the animal trainer has brought some animals. They play with an adorable Capuchin monkey, an even more adorable lion cub, and a tiger that mauls one of the wranglers. Well, actually it's just a prank the animal trainers like to pull on people, because tiger maulings are hilarious. When the animals are gone, Seezinz tells Flav that Sinceer is an alcoholic, then they make out, though Flav is disturbed by the massive length of her tongue.

Flavor Flav orders the women to call their parents, because he wants to meet his potential in-laws. Everyone is happy except Black, because her family is super religious and refuses to come out and be a part of Flavor of Love. Tree, in an effort to be open, covers her body with paper leaves containing Tree facts in a little skit she calls “The Tree of Truth.” It backfires, as Flavor Flav is even more perturbed by the fact that she's also done music videos and some extra work on movies, including the Mark Wahlberg flick Shooter.

Flavor of Love 3 Elimination Time!  Black, Thing 2 and Seezinz get the first three clocks.  Since being a wannabe model is worse than being an alcoholic, Tree is sent home.

Next week on Flavor of Love 3: Flavor Flav meets the parents.  One more girl is eliminated, and the final three are going on a trip to Paris.  Is it possible I'm actually jealous of these women?


-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of VH1)