Previously on Dirty Sexy Money: Juliet and Jeremy were at odds over his new girlfriend (and baby momma), her ex-best friend. Lisa told Karen to back off her husband. Reverend Brian earned Father of the Year honors by threatening his son's female bully to an eternity of damnation unless she was nice to Brian Jr. Tripp found out the truth about which Darling kids are his and which aren't, though we didn't get to see that conversation. And Nick George got into a limo with billionaire Simon Elder, played by the dashing Blair Underwood.

Tonight's Dirty Sexy Money starts off right where we left off, with Nick (Peter Krause) and Simon Elder in the limo.  The billionaire wins over Nick by saying they both love philanthropy, then asking to set up  a meeting when he gets back from his latest humanitarian trip.

As counterpoint to that generosity, Nick is dealing with Juliet (Samaire Armstrong) and Jeremy (Seth Gabel) who are fighting about about their impending 25th birthday party.  She doesn't want Natalie there, and the two bicker in what could be the funniest scene of the series yet.  They decide to split the parties, but the previous budget of $1 million isn't enough to be split between them.  They each need a million, and when Nick goes to Tripp, the old man agrees after some suspicious banter between Tripp (Donald Sutherland) and his wife Letitita (Jill Clayburgh) regarding parenting.  It turns out for their birthday, the twins each get $25 million set aside in a trust by Letitia's father.

Jeremy spends the morning making out with Natalie, discussing how they'll spend the money and raise their baby.  Jeremy then meets with Nick to plan the party, and he lets it slip that his girlfriend is pregnant.  Juliet, also there to plan her party, is aghast as she eavesdrops.  Jeremy vows impending fatherhood has made him sensible, then he asks to have his birthday party on the Brooklyn Bridge.  Genius, he wants to buy it, for real!

Nick is explaining the bottom line to Tripp.  Renting the Brooklyn Bridge: $1 million.  Jeremy's party: $1 million.  Juliet's party: $1.6 million.  Nick calls it "financially pornographic."  Tripp suggests drawing up some documents to push the trust back another five years.  Nick agrees and wants to teach them a lesson by forcing them to have a party for half a million each, but Tripp seems more than happy to let them hang themselves with extravagant parties, and leave them with nothing.

While getting a pedicure for her French Revolution-themed party, Juliet gets a call from a friend who informs her that apparently, Natalie recently needed a tampon, which brings the pregnancy into question.  She calls up Nick to tell him, and he informs her he got the life-size chocolate aristocrats for her party.  Nick confronts Jeremy about tampon-gate, but he refuses to hear it. 

Juliet's party is full of ridiculously great French renaissance costumes, and she says her present to herself is kissing some fancy actor who showed up.  She's still sad about not being with her brother, and when she sees Ryan making out with one of her friends, she leaves to find Jeremy.  Another friend says "Everyone is here for you."  Juliet, naturally, responds with "Let them eat cake."

Meanwhile, Jeremy is throwing one awesome rave on the Brooklyn Bridge with flood lights and techno music.  He confronts Natalie about the tampons, and she says she thought she was pregnant, but she isn't.  Juliet shows up in time to see Jeremy, stripped to his boxers, getting on the mic while walking along the edge of the bridge.  He gets weepy because everyone just loves him for his money, and then does a bad-ass karaoke version of "All By Myself."  The police show up as the show goes to commercial.

Once again, the counterpoint of wealth is shown as Nick has his meeting with Simon Elder, who says he is the mysterious "C" and Nick's dad gave him plenty of advice about spending his billions.  Simon wonders how Nick will spend the charity fund Tripp gave him.  Simon is one smooth operator.  He tells Nick that his dad was going to quit working for the Darlings and work for him, right before the plane fell out of the sky.  He extends a similar offer to Nick.

The next morning, Tripp reads Jeremy the riot act about spending time with celebrities.  Tripp reads on the Internet about "Justin Timber...Lake and Ethan...Hawke" and wonders who those people are.  Sutherland's line reading of those two names is perfect and hilarious.  Tripp reveals the delayed trust fund, and Jeremy storms out, angry at his dad.  Nick says Tripp went too far.  Jeremy and Juliet bond over what a terrible mother Natalie would've been, then about the problems of being so damn wealthy.  This causes Jeremy to apologize to his dad for getting "all O.C."  Jeremy wants his dad to help get him a job, making Tripp "truly proud."

Karen (Natalie Zea) wants to get married in Reverend Brian's (Glenn Fitzgerald) church, but he refuses because it;'s her fourth wedding.  Back the Brian's house, he reads a Bible passage before dinner, and it's about how lying is the worst sin imaginable and how telling the truth is the only way to get into Heaven.  The reverend quickly tries to negate what he just read, but it looks like the words hit Brian Jr, especially hard.  While Brian's wife is soaking in the tub later, Brian Jr. show's up to confess the truth, admitting everything.  When she confronts Brian, he confesses and she asks for a divorce.  This causes Brian to go to Nick and orders him to be ruthless in the proceedings.  Then he lets his guard down and goes through about 12 emotions while trying to cope with the mess that he's gotten himself into, alternating between thanking and insulting Nick.  Nick suggests he ask for a second chance.  When he tries, his wife asks him to move out for a while so she can think about it, so he moves back in with his parents.
Later, Karen tries to coax another brother into helping her husband, asking Patrick (William Baldwin) to get Freddy into his fancy country club.  When he refuses, Karen blackmails him with her knowledge of his special "lady" friend.  When he learns that Karen scheduled a lunch with his wife, Patrick agrees and later, does.

The episode ends with Nick giving some charity $200,000, and when his assistant says there's a call from Tripp, Nick says he'll call him back.  Maybe he'll be able to do a little good after all.

Next week on Dirty Sexy Money: Tripp plays very, very, very high stakes poker, Jeremy starts working, and Eddie Cibrian shows up.  Women, prepare to swoon.


-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of ABC)