You know what adds to the difficulty of rehashing the Dancing with the Stars season 14 premiere? There will not be any eliminations this week. I can't even waste time speculating on which stars America loves and which we'll happily see fade into the night!

So let's watch a video instead. Here are some of the Dancing with the Stars season 14 premiere highlights!



Now that you've been reminded of everything important, let's waste some time discussing the minutiae of Dancing with the Stars.

Who was the biggest letdown?
Without a doubt, the biggest DWTS letdown in week 1 was Melissa Gilbert. How could Laura Ingalls have no charisma? Is she not Half Pint? Add in the fact that Melissa got to dance with the always-hot Maksim Chmerkovskiy, and that week 1 performance was nothing but a disappointment.

But it was competent. So Melissa probably has a few weeks to redeem herself.

William Levy is hot.
There's not much to add to this. But it cannot be stressed enough. The man is hot. I'm not even sure why I notice this heat, since he's totally not my type. My type is more Tristan MacManus (pretty, pretty Tristan...).

But William is still incredibly hot.

Why I adore Gavin DeGraw
There is not enough sarcasm on Dancing with the Stars.

Most celebrities face the dance competition with a cheerful earnestness that admits no sarcastic feelings. This is -- for someone like me who places great value on a sardonic wit -- a tragedy. And it's why Gavin DeGraw is a breath of fresh, self-deprecating air on Dancing with the Stars.

Of course, he can't dance very well. No amount of sarcasm can overcome that for long on Dancing with the Stars.

People Too Happy to Eliminate
Some stars are way too happy to face early elimination.  And Dancing with the Stars season 14 has happy stars aplenty.

Week 1 gave us a tie in super-happiness. Who could possibly decide whether Sherri or Gladys was happier to be on that stage? And who would be mean enough to remove either woman from such joy?

Who is going to win?
Obviously, it's a little premature to make this call. But who cares? Groundless speculation is what the Internet was invented for, right?

So I'm going to predict the Dancing with the Stars season 14 winner right now. And it is...

Jaleel White.

Yes, I know that's a safe pick. But it's week 1 and I'm making champion predictions, so "safe" is a good choice.

My reasoning:

• Jaleel is a performer. When dancing skills are closely matched, the competition becomes about attitude. The performer-types always have an advantage here.
• People already know who he is. I mean, you'd have to have been living under a rock to have missed Urkel back in the day.
• Jaleel White will be on Psych this week. Totally unrelated, but awesome. Awesome is good.
• He can dance, and the judges already love him.
• Urkel. That counts for a lot.
  

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What did you think of the Dancing with the Stars season 14 cast? Do you have a favorite? Who surprised you? Leave your comments below!

(Images courtesy of ABC)