'Dance Moms' Recap: Everyone's a Loser
'Dance Moms' Recap: Everyone's a Loser
Sarah Watson
Sarah Watson
Contributing Writer, BuddyTV
This week's Dance Moms is book-ended by bitch-fests, meaning this was either the worst episode of the season or the best. I guess it all depends on your drama tolerance. Things started on the wrong foot when Abby got a phone call with some bad news, and it all went downhill from there. Tears were shed, insults were thrown and (gasp!) not a single Abby Lee dancer took home first place in the competition.

Second Rate Sugar and Spice

In last week's episode, Kendall and Maddie received the top prize for a duet Abby wasn't thrilled with. As it turns out, the judges may have shared Abby's feelings! A judge calls the Abby Lee Dance Company to inform the group that Maddie and Kendall only won due to a mathematical error. They were actually second best. 

Well, you know what Abby thinks of second place. "Second is the biggest loser on the stage," Abby growls, chomping at the bit to lay into the girls for their sub-perfect performance. Maddie and Kendall are booted to the bottom of the pyramid with Nia (who's barely been featured this season). Now there's extra pressure for the girls to deliver at this week's competition. Spoiler alert: the girls end up making second place look like a blessing. 

When Risk Outweighs Reward

Abby awards solos to Mackenzie and Chloe, but she sets the bar a little too high with the choreography.  She gives adorable little Mack a serious, mature routine that's beyond her ability, and she gives Chloe a dance with risky acrobatics -- something Christi is explicitly against. 

Christi worries that since Paige broke a toe while doing a standing back tuck, the same could happen to her daughter. That seems like a valid concern. Of course, Christi is never tactful in her interactions with Abby, so their discussion quickly becomes explosive. Abby dismisses Christi's concerns, keeps the acrobatics in the dance and puts Chloe's solo "on hold" to punish the wayward dance mom. See that, Christi? Sometimes fighting Abby isn't worth the trouble. 

The Heat's Still on Melissa

Recognizing an opportunity, Melissa talks to Abby about giving a solo to Maddie. But, see, here's the thing: Abby's still punishing Maddie for Melissa's involvement in the walkout several weeks ago. There's no way Abby's giving that solo to Maddie. Instead, Abby gives the solo back to Chloe and has a heated one-on-one talk with Maddie about the moms' protest and how it made Abby feel. Abby cries, Maddie cries, and it's all pretty melodramatic and uncomfortable to watch. Who talks to a kid like that? 

Meanwhile, the moms praise Melissa for standing up to Abby, then trash talk her when she leaves the room. It looks like everyone still thinks Melissa's pants are on fire. The lady may be a stage mom, but c'mon, she's hardly the worst of the bunch. 

Humbling and Humiliating 

At the competition, the girls take on Studio Bleu, a group that includes some of the ALDC replacements from earlier in the season. This means the high stakes are even higher. It's too bad for the current Abby Lee dancers. 

Before she goes onstage, Mackenzie worries that she'll forget her solo. It must've been a self-fulfilling prophecy, because that's just what happens! Mackenzie gets third place in her division and Chloe wins second place for her solo. The group acrobatic number is the main loser of the night, taking fourth place when they really only wanted first. Disappointingly, Studio Bleu (and the replacement dancers) get the first prize. Holly calls it an "incredibly humbling" experience, while Abby adds that it was a humiliating weekend. 

War of the Words 

Backstage, things get predictably ugly. Such is the world of Dance Moms! Christi blames the embarrassing fourth place finish on Abby's choreography, while Abby again yells at Chloe about her flexibility. When Abby calls Chloe mediocre, Christi finally snaps and gives us the heaping dose of crazy we were promised in the season previews. "You pick on the children!" she screams. (Really, won't someone PLEASE think of the children?) " 'Cause you're and idiot!" Abby yells back. The insults proceed:

  • "You are the biggest idiot I've ever met!" - Christi
  • "Get off your phone to worry about your kid!" - Abby
  • "Okay, fatty. Fatty, fatty, fatty, fatty, fatty! You are ugly to the core." - Christi
  • "It's like putting silk stockings on a mule with some of you." - Abby
  • "Or lipstick on a pig." -Christi
What great lessons to teach young, impressionable girls about how to interact with others. It seems like everyone involved with Dance Moms lost this week: the girls, the dance moms and Abby herself. 

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(Image courtesy of Lifetime)