'Big Brother 11' Live Thoughts: The Final Three Battle
'Big Brother 11' Live Thoughts: The Final Three Battle
John Kubicek
John Kubicek
Senior Writer, BuddyTV
It's the last Thursday episode of Big Brother 11 (but don't cry, CBS just renewed Big Brother for a 12th season next summer).  Usually at this point we all know what's going to happen, but this season executive producer Allison Grodner is being sketchy on the details.

Will there be a live competition and eviction tonight?  Will Pandora's Box show up?  And how, exactly, will Big Brother address the fact that the jury will only have six members?  Either we're in for a huge twist or Grodner and her fellow producers have no idea what they're doing.

Julie Chen is one busy lady, because this is the third live show in one week.  No one is going home tonight, instead, the final leg of the last HoH competition will play out on Tuesday's finale shortly before the jury vote.  Right now, the only thing keeping me sane is the fact that Kevin would (hopefully) betray Natalie and take Jordan to the end if he wins.  If that's what happens, then I will suddenly wipe away Kevin's past misdeeds and root for him to win.

Basically, right now Natalie is guaranteed to win against either of the other two, so the only hope Kevin or Jordan have is to win this final HoH.

Natalie grates my last damn nerve by badmouthing Michele and talking about how much she hates her.  Wow, Natalie is so freaking delusional if she thinks Michele is the one who's terrible.

The first round of the final HoH competition is about as interesting as watching three bumps on a log, because that's just what it is.  It's astounding how dull it is.

After 3 hours and 27 minutes, Jordan falls off when her mind wanders.  To her credit, that's about 3 hours and 20 minutes longer than I thought she'd last.

Kevin swears on everything he knows that he will take her to the end, which he shouldn't have to do since they made an agreement that she would throw the first round.

And then in a confessional, Kevin admits that his word means nothing, that he'll swear on his life and his boyfriend's life, because all he wants to do is boot the biznatch named Natalie.

I'm loving him more and more with every confessional.  Natalie tries to get America to act as a notary for this agreement, but she doesn't realize that none of us give a crap what she wants.

Finally, Natalie drops and Kevin wins.  Yay!  Right now he's the lesser of two evils, and I say two because Jordan might as well be a mannequin.

Julie tells the HGs that no one is leaving tonight, and they all are stunned and shocked.  It's kind of awesome to see Natalie and Kevin struggle to piece together what this means.

Next, it's the sad day we all knew was coming when Jeff visits the Jury House.  As soon as he walks in, Jessie, Russell and Lydia find it hilarious.  The moment is only saved by Jeff calling them "yo-yos."  Luckily, the three guys in the Jury House are all big enough men to respect the game and not take it too personally.

It's kind of funny that everyone in the Jury House seems to hate Natalie as much as we do, so maybe even if she makes it to the end, that girl won't win at all.  YES!!!  Literally, EVERYBODY hates Natalie.

To waste some time because CBS knows America hates the HGs left, Julie talks to Evel Dick, Janelle, Mike Boogie and Danielle, four past all-stars.  I'm pleased to see only one of them, and it's the leggy blonde.

They give a lot of respect to Natalie and Kevin's lie about Russell making a move on Jeff.  But they also love Jeff using the Coup d'Etat.  Still, it's obvious all these all-stars have a ton of respect for Jeff and wish he could've won.

They also agree that Chima was an idiot.  They all agree that Kevin should and will win, except Danielle, who makes this some lame feminist thing.  Kevin's incredibly gay, isn't that a step in the right direction?

Final HoH Competition, Part 2

It's time for Natalie and Jordan to go head-to-head ina battle of witlessness.  It's skee ball where they get two minutes to roll balls into holes in the order they were HoH.

Natalie is first, and she's decent at the order, but not so much on the aiming.  In the end, it looks ln the end, she only gets five right out of 10.

It's not that hard: Jessie, Ronnie, Jessie, Russell, Chima, Michele, Jordan, Jeff, Kevin, Natalie. 

Then it's Jordan's turn, and sadly, as soon as she learns it's a memory competition, you can hear her brain freeze.  Actually, it looks like Jeff was her distraction, because she brings her A game and already jumps ahead of Natalie by the halfway point.  She gets 9 right and finishes with even more time than Natalie had.

YES!!!  Jordan somehow beat the living crap out of Natalie in a mental competition!

Jordan wins part 2, so it'll be her and Kevin competing for the final HoH!

Finally, Julie explains that America will vote for who should win, and we will get the seventh Jury vote.  Unfortunately, the voting is more complicated than a Florida presidential ballot.  You have to vote for who you want in a given scenario, so you may vote for Jordan to win against Kevin, but if Jordan goes up against Natalie, your vote doesn't count.

Wow, way to totally screw the pooch on this one, Big Brother.

Julie tells the HGs who won, and Kevin is stunned.  It's also clear that the live audience loves Jordan, because they openly cheer when she wins.

-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of CBS)