Tonight on
America's Next Top Model, we learn about acting, interviewing in front of the "motion camera" (as Tyra calls it) with two challenges designed to torture the 7 remaining tiny models in the competition
they thought was about looking pretty:
First, a fake interview on The Insider with real TV star Jessica Lowndes! Then a fake commercial for Covergirl to promote their all too real line of "exact eyelight mascara, shadows and eyeliners."
You know what else was real tonight? All the awkwardness, embarrassment, and hilarious head-bobs that ensued. Forget already being in front of a "motion camera" 24-7 for that reality show they're on--what's it called again?--that's different. You don't have to look
those cameras in the eye and read stuff. And reading while smiling, leaning, thinking and smeyezing is
hard.
"It's not
America's Next Top Still Photo Model." -- Tyra Banks
I guess that's why they call it
America's Next Top Covergirl, Entertainment Reporter, and Model (TRIPLE THREAT!). Right?
Before we get to the good stuff, let's get this week's Top Model house "drama" out of the way: Erin thinks Nicole is awkward and unrelatable, but Rae thinks Nicole has an "awkward, cool" vibe about her. The three of them have a "hair tossing" competition to see who is right. Or just because they are bored and want to loosen up their hair extensions. (I never found out who won; did not care.) Also, Rae misses her little adorable baby, because duh. Look:
CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTE!!!
The Insider Interview Challenge:
Lara Spencer, who hosts
The Insider (
apparently, not like I knew that from watching hours of that show on my own), and "Ant" (who calls himself a "comedian") help "prepare" the models for their celeb-interviewing challenge by giving them a list of questions to ask all the different characters in Ant's "creative" and "hilarious" brain.
(Take note, my Brittany-type mathematicians out there: my ratio of sarcastic quotation marks and parentheses to the worthlessness of what is happening is approximately "ugh" to "barf.")
Then, the real challenge. Ann Shoket shows up again, because why NOT Ann Shoket? She knows nothing about interviewing people on TV, but she does know something about having this show by the balls. And the challenge winner will be posing in her magazine's Holiday Beauty Blowout spread! OMG!
Each girl takes her turn talking to the unnaturally beautiful Jessica Lowndes by reading off a teleprompter, but then Lara pulls a FAST ONE on each of them, and makes the prompter show gobbledygook, and then go blank.
The models do.... about exactly how you might have expected them to. Jennifer was easygoing and charming, but nothing super impressive, either. Sundai was an awkward interruptor. Laura, my dear sweet girl who revealed she has major, MAJOR dyslexia, has some dyslexia-related problems reading the prompter, and let her nerves get the best of her, but recovered with her natural charm. Brittany was robotic and didn't seem to be listening (or was just scanning for data, as a robot would). Rae was forgettable, because you can't spell 'fo_gett_bl_' without R-A-E.
And Nicole asked Jessica if she had ever been pregnant. Of COURSE. That was just expected. Actually, that was on the low end of the embarrassments Bloody Eyeball could have brought upon herself.
Yes, everyone lived up to their low or medium expectations, except for Erin, who wins the competition by thinking on her feet, keeping her cool, being charismatic, and getting through the conversation naturally. (Foreshadowing alert! That's not what she is later.) "I'm just a winner!" says Erin after she collects her Holiday Blowout prize. (More-shadowing alert! Not really a winner later.)
Look, Mom, no eyebrows!
The Covergirl Commercial:
After getting boxes at their door containing the new easy, breezy and beautiful Covergirl exact eyelights mascara, shadows and liners (kill me, for I will never forget these names for as long as I live), the models receive their task: write a 25-second script for their Covergirl commercial, which they will film tomorrow, promoting the eyelights and themselves.
Each model sits down to Shakepeare it up about drugstore makeup, and Erin yells "DONE!" shortly after. Nicole and Brittany stay up long into the night writing and memorizing their scripts.
The next morning, TEYONA shows up! Remember her? Just in case:
It's her job to remind the models to be themselves in front of the camera, and to tell them how lucky they are to have the eyelight shadows AND liners to promote, too! "Back in my day, we just had the mascara."
You poor thing.
Nicole:
A little awkward, but a lot LESS awkward than it should have been, if she had brought her real personality to screen. Instead, she, you know... smiled.
Jennifer:
Like a cute little bobblehead with charm. Nodding, smiling, bouncing, nodding, COVERGIRL!
Laura:
Had some dyslexia-related issues, but kept her cool (and lovely smile) and pulled through. Plus, her accent was more adorable than expected.
Brittany:
Might literally
be a robot. Seriously. She knew her lines perfectly, but brought no emotion to them whatsoever. I wouldn't be surprised if we see a "MADE IN JAPAN" sticker on her lower back whenever the bikini photo shoot happens.
Sundai:
You know how Billy Mays (RIP) was always yelling and moving around and verbally shoving your face deep down into whatever product he was pushing? Yeah. It was like that, but worse.
Rae:
BooorrrRAE-ing. But beautiful, as always.
Erin:
Oh, Erin. Always letting your mouth write checks that your mouth can then, a little later, no longer cash. She went on a 4-part cycle of messing up, screaming, crying, and then getting her make-up redone. Rinse, repeat, throw away forever. This photo is the final shot from her BEST TAKE. Yikes.
Judging and Elimination:Look, it's Kim Kardashian! Famous for being famous and having lots of pictures taken of her because she is famous, she knows a lot about trying rying to seem human in front of a camera while also looking like beautiful plastic.
Tyra lectures the girls about looking good for the motion camera, as if she is some sort of expert? Uhhhhhhhhhhh...
...no.
Jennifer gets first call-out for her bubbly, head-bobbalicious commercial. I love how Jennifer receives every photo like it is the Holy Grail.
And then it comes down to the Bottom 2. The Aryan twins (and almost name twins): Rae and Erin.
Tyra eliminates Rae for lacking personality, even though she scolds Erin losing it during the Covergirl commercial. (And getting the MOST make-up retouches in
ANTM history, dum dum DUUUUM!)
Poor Rae was well-loved in the house, even if she couldn't show her personality to the judges. She even gets a tear out of Brittany!
FLUID LEAK! SYSTEM FAILURE! ABORT SADNESS SEQUENCE 1011001010101
On the bright side, Rae gets to go home and see her baby, so YAAAAY! Also, the girl takes one HELL of a gorgeous photo. So she'll have no problem booking modeling jobs in front of those "non-motion" types of cameras.
Next week: Tyra quarantines the
Top Model house. She forces the remaining 6 to move in with her as unpaid servants and spend all day organizing her million-page headshot scrapbook. Or... go to Hawaii.
-Meghan Carlson, BuddyTV Staff WriterImages courtesy of the CW