'America's Next Top Model' Recap: That's A Wrap! And A Trap.
'America's Next Top Model' Recap: That's A Wrap! And A Trap.
Meghan Carlson
Meghan Carlson
Senior Writer, BuddyTV
This week's America's Next Top Model episode was full of helpful lessons for life. Not just for models, either. These lessons apply to all of us striving to look our best and most beautiful!

All together now: "THANK YOU, TYRA!"

Never forget to say those words at least once every day, my dear readers. Every time Tyra's ego isn't validated, a kitten spontaneously bursts into flames. It's in her CW contract. Look it up.

But I digress! Here are Tyra's lessons of the week, courtesy of America's Next Top Model:

1. Tonight the models learned how to apply their own makeup, courtesy of professional make-up artist Sam Fine! We know he's professional because he has put make-up on Tyra Banks. Of COURSE. We learned there are only 4 essential items you need to look amazing: concealer, bronzer, gloss and mascara. We ALSO learned there's a fine line between "smokey eye" and "black eye":

tyra-laura.jpg"It was really enjoyment!" - Laura on her makeup tutorial with Chris Brown Sam Fine

2. Shop at Wal-Mart and buy all the Covergirl. If you don't you will look ugly and die alone. Also: WAL-MART WAL-MART COVERGIRL WAL-MART COVERGIRL EXTEND FLEX LASH BLAAAAST LENGTH MASCARA!!!! ...Wal-Mart.

Brought to you by America's Next Top Model.
Which, in turn, is brought to you by Wal-Mart.
"Always excessive product placement. Always."

3. Erin taught us how "races work":

"Races don't have manners." - Erin's guide to "race relations"

Basically, Erin races by the same rules that RAAAAAAAAAANDY lives by:
1. They not ready.
2. Motherf***ers need to know.
3. Get yo sh*t.

4. If you're ever in a Wal-Mart/Covergirl one-stop-shop model go-see "Musical Mascara" elimination race (and let's face it, who hasn't been there?) and you accidentally aggressively bruise several other competitors as you mow them down on your way to the shoe aisle (they not ready!), don't apologize afterward, especially if they ask you to. Because then the apology just doesn't "feel genuine." Because it is not.


5. And, finally, if you ever walk into an abandoned building and see a very large package wrapped in vibrant fabric with an inviting sign encouraging you to "pull here," FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT OPEN IT. NO! I said, "Do NOT open it!"

It's a TRAP! Oh god, Laura, nooooooooo!

(That's a "Tyra surprise." Oops, somehow I managed to make this moment worse!)

Okay, enough lessons, amazingly relevant and vital as they may be. Here's the run-down of what else happened tonight:

Sundai won the Wal-Mart Covergirl "go-see model makeup one-stop-shop mascara magic wand" Challenge! She earned a $1000 gift certificate to Wal-Mart, provided by Covergirl, and a photoshoot on the Covergirl page of Wal-Mart's website. Wal-Mart Wal-Mart Wal-Mart!

Tonight's photoshoot was about "beauty shots" (which are all about the face, Tyra magnanimously explained) and featured a special "TWIST": Tyra would be picking the winning photograph right after the shoot (does that mean before all the Photoshopping? Naaah...) and that girl would be immune from elimination for the week.

Do not question the twist. Do not point out that the best photo is ALWAYS immune because it is the BEST. Do. not. question the twist. Twists are exciting!

For the beauty shots, everyone had their hair and bodies wrapped in big scarves, to keep the focus on their faces. And boy, did everyone look beeeeautiful in their beauty shots, because beauty shots are all about face-beauty! Looking pretty! Seeing the beautiful faces of the beauties! Naturally, Brittany won for having the best beauty shot photo:

Wait a second, I can't even SEE her face! Tyra, will you please explain "beauty shot" again? I'm confused.

It's possible that Brittany kind of won by default, because the rest of the photos didn't turn out that well:

Oops, that's just Tyra miming every model's faults, because it is much easier to understand "Gollum hands" and "being the verb but not the noun" (these are technical model terms, and also, "Huh?!") with visuals. "THANK YOU, TYRA!" (I just saved another kitten.)

There is one great thing about having Tyra as the photographer this episode (oh yeah, I forgot to tell you: Tyra was the photographer, because OF COURSE SHE WAS! She is like the human version of Wal-Mart. She's everywhere.) and that is that she has even more time to say things like:

"That girl knows how to model, but she doesn't know what to do her personality."
"Give me a hug for the emotion you just committed."
"Let me explain 'beauty.'"
"Was it the looser head scarf that was the problem, or was Ashley just not bringing it?"
"The camera loves Ashley's face, but she does not know how to love it back. She needs couples therapy."

But I think Jay had the best quote of the episode:
"What are we going to think of today?"
Bianca, in an embarrassed whisper: "...Jesus."

HAHA. Jesus is up in heaven all like, "Seriously? Did you really have to bring my name into it? Again??" Oh goodness.

Anyway, like I said, Brittany got best beauty shot, because DUH!

What you can almost kind of partially see of her face really is quite lovely.

At Judging Panel and Elimination, Jennifer got runner-up for her beauty shot:

Oops, that's what "beauty shot" means? "Beauty shot" means "getting a painful shot (with a needle)"? Now I'm REALLY confused.

Tyra then called out, in order:

Leaving Ashley and Bianca in the bottom two.

As you'll recall, this was Bianca's THIRD time in the bottom two, each time for her "hardness" (read: masculinity) in all of her pictures. Which is too bad, because the non-face parts of her photo looked pretty good.

And then there was Ashley, who apparently suffered from the wrong sort of "covering the entire face" beauty shot:

In the end, the universally known "three strikes rule" was too firm to ever be broken, even by Tyra, and Bianca was sent home.

Next week: Lil Mama will be on America's Next Top Model, but no one knows why! And something about Las Vegas. See you then!

-Meghan Carlson, BuddyTV Staff Writer
Images courtesy of CW