3. Erin taught us how "races work":
"Races don't have manners." - Erin's guide to "race relations"
Basically, Erin races by the same rules that RAAAAAAAAAANDY
1. They not ready.4. If you're ever in a Wal-Mart/Covergirl one-stop-shop model go-see "Musical Mascara" elimination race
2. Motherf***ers need to know.
3. Get yo sh*t.
(and let's face it, who hasn't been there?) and you
aggressively bruise several other competitors as you mow them down on your way to the shoe aisle (they not ready!), don't apologize afterward, especially if they ask you to. Because then the apology just doesn't "feel genuine." Because it is not.
"RACES DON'T HAVE MANNERS! STOP FORCING ME TO APOLOGIZE FOR HURTING YOUR ARM! THE FIRST RULE OF RACES IS THERE ARE NO RULES OF RACES!" 5. And, finally, if you ever walk into an abandoned building and see a very large package wrapped in vibrant fabric with an inviting sign encouraging you to "pull here,"
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT OPEN IT. NO! I said, "Do NOT open it!"
It's a TRAP! Oh god, Laura, nooooooooo!
(That's a "Tyra surprise." Oops, somehow I managed to make this moment worse!)
Okay, enough lessons, amazingly relevant and vital as they may be. Here's the run-down of what else happened tonight:
Sundai won the Wal-Mart Covergirl "go-see model makeup one-stop-shop mascara magic wand" Challenge! She earned a $1000 gift certificate to Wal-Mart, provided by Covergirl, and a photoshoot on the Covergirl page of Wal-Mart's website. Wal-Mart Wal-Mart Wal-Mart!
Tonight's photoshoot was about "beauty shots" (which are all about the face, Tyra magnanimously explained) and featured a special "TWIST": Tyra would be picking the winning photograph right after the shoot (does that mean before all the Photoshopping? Naaah...) and that girl would be immune from elimination for the week.
Do not question the twist. Do not point out that the best photo is ALWAYS immune because it is the BEST. Do. not. question the twist. Twists are exciting!
For the beauty shots, everyone had their hair and bodies wrapped in big scarves, to keep the focus on their faces. And boy, did everyone look beeeeautiful in their beauty shots, because beauty shots are all about face-beauty! Looking pretty! Seeing the beautiful faces of the beauties! Naturally, Brittany won for having the best beauty shot photo:
Wait a second, I can't even SEE her face! Tyra, will you please explain "beauty shot" again? I'm confused.
It's possible that Brittany kind of won by default, because the rest of the photos didn't turn out that well:
Oops, that's just Tyra miming every model's faults, because it is much easier to understand "Gollum hands" and "being the verb but not the noun" (these are technical model terms, and also, "Huh?!") with visuals. "THANK YOU, TYRA!" (I just saved another kitten.)
There is one great thing about having Tyra as the photographer this episode (oh yeah, I forgot to tell you: Tyra was the photographer, because OF COURSE SHE WAS! She is like the human version of Wal-Mart. She's everywhere.) and that is that she has even more
time to say things like:
"That girl knows how to model, but she doesn't know what to do her personality."
"Give me a hug for the emotion you just committed."
"Let me explain 'beauty.'"
"YOU LOVE THE WIND!"
"Was it the looser head scarf that was the problem, or was Ashley just not bringing it?"
"The camera loves Ashley's face, but she does not know how to love it back. She needs couples therapy."
But I think Jay had the best quote of the episode:
"What are we going to think of today?"
Bianca, in an embarrassed whisper: "...Jesus."
HAHA. Jesus is up in heaven all like, "Seriously? Did you really have to bring my name into it? Again??" Oh goodness.
Anyway, like I said, Brittany
got best beauty shot, because DUH!
What you can almost kind of partially see of her face really is quite lovely.
At Judging Panel and Elimination, Jennifer
got runner-up for her beauty shot:
Oops, that's what "beauty shot" means? "Beauty shot" means "getting a painful shot (with a needle)"? Now I'm REALLY confused.
Tyra then called out, in order:Rae
in the bottom two.
As you'll recall, this was Bianca's
THIRD time in the bottom two, each time for her "hardness" (read: masculinity) in all of her pictures. Which is too bad, because the non-face parts of her photo looked pretty good.
And then there was Ashley,
who apparently suffered from the wrong sort of "covering the entire face" beauty shot: