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Join me while we take a two hour strut down the crazy runway that is America's Next Top Model. I'll be recapping the premiere episode of ANTM's 12th Cycle live, so keep me company and tell me what you think of this Cycle's crop of Top Model hopefuls.

Cycle 12 starts in Las Vegas, Nevada. Apparently Tyra loves Las Vegas, she says Top Model has a lucky number and that number is 21. Thus she is happy because 12 is 21 backwards--Tyra is definitely bringing the crazy tonight.


We're getting flashes of the girls who we now know are the finalists. They show Celia first, I love this girl, especially when she talks. She is adorable. Next is Allison, and oh my goodness, if you thought her eyes looked gigantic and creepy on film--just wait till you see her on TV--they are unreal.

We're off the bus and in front of Caesar's Palace now, which is flanked by a line of muscly men dressed as Spartans. The Spartans separate and the J's appear. Cue the screaming girls. Freckled cutie Fo says the J's look like dolls, and if she means they look like cheap plastic, she is right. Jay is referring to Caesar's Palace as the "Tower of Tyra"...which bodes very well for her crazy entrance. I'm guessing now Tyra comes out as some goddess. The goddess of smile-with-your-eyes? The goddess of fierce? Something.

The J's have the 34 hopeful Top Models change into grecian inspired mini dresses. You know what this means, you just got off a plane, so it's time for a photo shoot. Mr. J takes profile photos of each of the girls. Fo is one of the first girls shown, she describes herself as "a hippie and a tree-hugger." We like her immensely and we are in love with her freckles. Sandra steps up with the confidence of someone who knows she has a chance of winning. We have to agree, Sandra is fabulous. She calls herself "The Darkness," and she is definitely fierce. Teyona looks like the most gorgeous alien ever. While she's awkward and strange to look at while talking, she's stunning in a photo.

Now it's Miss J's turn and its time for the always laugh-filled first runway walk. J has set up a runway with dry ice, so it looks like the girls are "goddesses walking on clouds." Oh god, this goddess thing is getting to be too much and we re like 20 minutes in. Sandra is up first, and she only has on okay walk. However, her snippy comments about other contestants are great/evil--we're calling Sandra as the secret b*tch of the Cycle. Huge-eyed Allison is up next and she is one of the worst walkers in ANTM history. This does not bode well for our unique looking goddess. Oh no! The goddess has spread to me. Next up is sexy Latina Jessica. Jessica says "being Puerto Rican gives me confidence." So much confidence that when exiting the runway she says, "that's how a goddess walks." No secret b*tch here, she is full on.

Now it's night time and they're in a dramatic setting, so you know Tyra is coming. Oh yeah, here comes the chanting Spartans marching with torches. Of course Tyra is coming--girls are screaming like it's the Jonas Brothers. I was so right -- Tyra is coming out dressed like a goddess. Bingo! Wait for it, wait for it--Tyra is introduced as: "TheGoddess of Fierce." Bingo!  Here comes the crazy, folks. In the most-unnatural-voice-ever Tyra says: "I have been The Goddess of Fierce for 2,752.7 years and I am tired and looking for my successor. I am looking for someone to light my chariot afire. I am looking for America's Next Top Model." The girls continue to scream like their lives depend on it.


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--Abbey Simmons, BuddyTV Staff Writer
(Image Courtesy of The CW)