The show moves back to New York City to finish up the first night of auditions. A stupid men's choir singing Beyonce's "Single Ladies" goes through with their cutesy movements. It would've been better if they hade the black unitards like Justin Timberlake or Joe Jonas.
Then we get an unemployed impressionist. Ugh, I hate impressions, because even the best ones are just worse versions of genuinely entertaining people. At least this guy has the decency to suck because his impressions are the worst ever.
Paradiso Dance, a pair of married dancers perform, and this man should never wear a skin tight outfit because he clearly loves cheeseburgers and has no business dancing or being married to his sweet dish of a wife. But somehow it totally works, and he stands there and does his job while she flies gracefully, even picking him up a few times. It's like that beautiful waltz in Beauty and the Beast
, where something that horrific looking shouldn't be so poetic and beautiful. They make it through, obviously.
There's only one act left, which means it's time for the one the show really wants us to see and they'll pull our heartstrings. As expected, it's a group of inner city black siblings who sing called Voices of Glory. See, my theory about inner city black kids who are siblings is right. They're going to sing "God Bless America."
Why did they start singing? Because three years ago their mother was hit by a drunk driver and was in a coma for eight months, so when she woke up they started singing for her and the other patients in the hospital. I know I should be crying, but I'm savvy enough to know when I'm being manipulated, and this isn't just tugging on heartstrings, it's yanking them as hard as possible.
They sing, and it's fine, but if we didn't have all that emotional set-up, it really wouldn't be anything that special. It's just a bunch of kids singing well, and to be fair, there are tons of kids who could do that exact same thing, if not better.
The judges, being in on the manipulation conspiracy, give them a standing ovation with crying and excessive praise. The mom comes out and gets a standing ovation for being in a wheelchair. Piers tries to make this about the actual singing and he pretends that they were some of the best vocalists they've ever had.
That's a dirty, dirty lie, Mr. Morgan, just like when you told me to my face last year that this show wasn't fixed to let the opera singer win, duplicating Paul Potts' journey on Britain's Got Talent
. A few weeks after he said it wasn't fixed, we were supposed to believe that America voted for an opera singer. I don't think so. I didn't buy it then, and I don't buy it now.
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-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer