Cute Kids Montage -- seriously, really cute screaming kid montage who are there to support, Moms, Dads, and older siblings.

Mary Powers

Avril loves Mary from the get go because she's wearing heavy black eye-liner and has a visible tattoo. You think I'm joking, but it really is that simple.  I'll be taking bets that she's the first one that Avril is nice too. Mary sings a Pat Benatar song, that shockingly isn't Heartbreaker. She has a strong rock'n'roll voice and it sounds like it would be perfect in a smokey dive bar. But as expected, she has Avril Lavigne all smiley, in fact she does little excited cheerleader claps. She gets four yeses.

Official Avril Rating: "I'm With You"

Surprising no one, a lot of guys are coming out for auditions looking like Adam Lambert. Cue the Adam Lambert look-a-like montage and our last auditioner with Adam-locks.

AJ Mendoza

AJ's hero is Adam Lambert, which is clear not only by his Lambert 'do, but also because he over sings like Adam. With one huge difference: he can't sing. It's Adam Lambert over the top, without the pipes. Where Adam has a throaty falsetto, AJ has well, a throat. AJ's audition was froggy, growly, and very very bizarre. (And not in a 'it'll grow on me' Charity Vance kind of way.) It's four straight nos from the judges, including one that seems to particularly delight Avril Lavigne, who says with some glee "absolutely not!"

Official Avril Rating: "Unwanted"

We're done with day one of the American Idol auditions, and from what we've seen there's only been one golden ticket. In more positive news, Avril Lavigne is done. Maybe Katy Perry won't remind me of traumatic high school events... but I'm certainly not holding my breath. Especially after she says that she's brutally honest. Be prepared to be crushed by Katy Perry Los Angeles auditioners.

Austin - "Cheap Jagger"

Austin is also clearly a train-wreck, he says that "no one's been like him sexually on American Idol." He's wearing shiny pants and he's wearing a striped latex shirt. He auditions with a Cheap Trick song that looks (and sounds) like the world's worst Mick Jagger impersonation complete with writhing on the floor and scissor kicks. It's four nos and one very scared Katy Perry. As Austin leaves Katy asks Kara, "are these people frisked before auditions?"

Andrew Garcia

Andrew is clearly going to make it to Hollywood, because he gets a heart-tugging lead up. His parents were in gangs when he was a child and they moved out of Compton to give him a better life. Now Andrew is Papa himself and is auditioning as much for his parents as his son. Cue hugs, a former crying gang member, and *SOB.*

Thing is, they didn't need the back story, Andrew has a raspy r&b voice that hits the high notes as well as it resonates with deep tone. Simon thinks he's the "only good singer who's come in today." Randy says he has mad vocals, while Kara takes the usual Randy curse words "110% yes." He's the only person we've seen in LA so far who has any chance of making it to the semi-finals.

Katy Perry Rating:  so good I'd wear that Sushi Dress Again to hear it

Tasha Leighton

Tasha is a personal assistant during the day and a minister at night. Which makes sense, because girl sings like she's going to church. She's cute as a button, has pretty decent pipes, she sounds very much like Joss Stone without the booming soul power. But it's still good enough for four yeses.

Jason Green

Jason is a 21 year old student who talks like a phone sex operator, surprising no one, he's singing "I Touch Myself" by the DeVinyls.  And I believe him, in a way that I never want to imagine. It's yucky and over-sexualized and toneless. If I had a few drinks in me, I might think it was hilarious, but sitting here sober, it's just desperate. Right, you can smell the desperation through this photo even:

Katy Perry says it makes her feel dirty and she doesn't mean it in a good way. He gets four nos from the judges and rejected by Ryan Seacrest when he tries to slip him his number.

Katy Perry Rating: UR So Gay (he did try to give Ryan his number and called Randy beautiful.)

So we've seen three yeses so far, LA may be the city of stars, but so far we've only seen one: Andrew Garcia. Otherwise even the trainwrecks of LA have been dull and uncomfortable. Seriously, my favorite part of the whole night has been the footage of Katy Perry defying Kara, showing her how a real judge should conduct herself, and saying she'd throw a coke in her face if Kara didn't stop singing "I Kissed a Girl." No contest in the battle of the guest judges tonight, big victory for Katy Perry.

Our last audition of the night comes from a familiar face and voice, Chris Golightly who we've seen on a bunch of Idol promos. Let us set the sob-story scene.

Chris Golightly

[start scene, with soft focus close ups of Chris looking over the vast horizon, hanging on to a run-down fence, on what we can only imagine is the wrong side of the tracks.]

Music is Chris' only reliable companion. You see, Chris is an orphan, who bounced between foster homes as a child. He's here today trying out for American Idol in hopes the first good thing will happen in his life. (May I suggest he look up Season 1 finalist Justin Guarini because the two definitely look like brothers from another mother.) For his audition, Chris will be singing the guaranteed to tug on your heart-strings "Stand By Me." He sings the song with passion and lonesome knowing, but also one too many tone changes and vocal runs.

Kara loves him and his story and journey. Katy, who hopefully is filling out an application for Kara's spot says, "this is not a Lifetime movie, sweetheart." Thank you Katy Perry, thank you. Simon's with Katy that this is gasp! a singing competition and he thought that Chris' audition was fine but nothing spectacular. However, clearly, if they gave the kid the last 7 minutes of the show and the soft-focus sob story treatment, he's heading to Hollywood with for yeses. Chris, who should look into writing Lifetime movies if this doesn't all work out, says "Since I've had nothing in life, this is the first something, that's worth something" as he clutches his golden ticket.

[And scene.]

According to Ryan's last minute wrap up, there were more than four people who made it to Hollywood, they just thought we'd enjoy train-wrecks, manipulative introductions, and an unfortunate ode to masturbation more. Out of 11,000 auditioners -- 22 Los Angelenos made it to Hollywood Week. 

Tomorrow night the double-headed celebrity guest judging continues with Joe Jonas and Neil Patrick Harris in Dallas. Hopefully Texas has more than one lone star.

(Image Courtesy of FOX)

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