'Singers' to Forget
girl who opens the show with her best friend. We don't get her name or
hear her sing, but her bestie has the friends and family on speaker
phone and erupts in cheers when she comes out of the audition room. Only
problem is the girl didn't get a ticket. Awkward!Austin Earles
' head is shaved on the sides with a huge blond mohawk on top. He's singing Mariah's "Fantasy," and she just laughs. Melissa Bush
is a 27-year-old student and masseuse who is so quiet that she bought a
shiny too-tight Spandex-y body suit to show off her personality, AND
she brings Randy a bright yellow "Get Down, DAWG!" T-shirt. She is the
reason I hate the audition shows, because she's probably a really nice
girl but has a horrible, horrible voice. She needs people to tell her
not to go on television, because it's heartbreaking to watch her get
rejected. And don't be surprised if #AmericanIdolCamelToe is trending on
, on the other hand, deserves what he
gets based on his unwarranted confidence. The only positive thing that
comes out of his audition is that Rob Van Winkle likely gets a check for
usage fees of Vanilla Ice's "Ninja Rap" from "Teenage Mutant Ninja
Turtles 2: The Secret of the Ooze." That movie came out in 1991, and it
was a huge deal for 11-year-old me and my friends. I think it was one of
the first times I saw a film on opening day, and probably the last time
I thought about the song "Ninja Rap." Kevin's dance moves are awful,
and he sings a continually speeding-up version of Barenaked Ladies' "One
Week" (subtitled for our reading pleasure). Keith says he sounds like
an auctioneer. As a bonus, we also get to hear him sing "Come Sail
Ieisha Cotton is a professional dancer with some
killer moves that really get the judges going, but then she opens her
mouth and scares the bejesus out my poor cat who is sleeping on the
couch next to me. What, I'm a dude blogging about American Idol, and you don't think I have a cat? His name is Roger.
All the people included in American Idol's
montage of bad singers called "The Miserables," who flip off, curse and
scream at the camera after they are rejected. One girl even says "I
swear to God, if you air this..."
Ashley Curry is a twin
who is studying musical theater. She says people describe her voice as
really good and like nothing they've ever heard before, and her mother
is convinced she is going to Hollywood. Let's just say her voice is, in
fact, like nothing you've ever heard before. And something you never
want to hear again. If she's the future of musical theater, perhaps a
Tony Award is in my future.
Thoughts, Conclusions and Other Highlights
have to mention the one dude who gets rejected and then gets a hug from
Nicki. She grabs his earlobes, and he totally puckers up like she wants
to make out with him. It only lasts for a second, until he realizes
that's not going to happen, but it's still hilarious.
Day 1 auditions, Nicki Minaj wore a cheetah-print halter top and blazer,
with matching cheetah-print sailor hat (I always wonder what her real
hair looks like), and you have to wonder if her status as a fashion
trend setter is part of the reason she butts heads with Mariah. They are
essentially members of different generations, as Mariah is 42 and Nicki
is either 28 or 30, depending on which site you check.
while Mariah might have been more flamboyant a decade and a half ago (or
even a few years ago), she's a bit more conservative as she enters
middle age as a relatively new mother. She is more simplistic in her
diva elegance these days, while Nicki is more put-it-all-on-display,
openly asking every attractive guy if he has a girlfriend. You almost
get a "Kids today!" grumble from Mariah when she interacts with Nicki.
tension between them heated up a bit during Day 1, particularly when
bad singers chose Mariah songs as their auditions and Nicki reveled in
the terrible renditions. Day 2 was a lot more cordial, especially when
Nicki genuinely said that for anyone, meeting Mariah for the first time
That apparently all gets shot to hell next
week, when the judges head to Charlotte for the show described as "where
it all happens." Apparently Nicki even walks off the set and tells her
fellow judges to finish the show without her because she's "over it."
the end, Chicago did six better than New York City, sending 47 people
through to Hollywood. My favorites were 15-year-old Isabell Parell,
adopted-by-her-aunt Brandy Neelly, vocal coach Josh Holiday and,
surprisingly, quirky Kez Ban. Which of the 16 featured performers who
are moving on stood out to you? Did any jump out at you as a favorite to
be crowned the next American Idol? Tune in next week for a whole new
batch of talented singers and people who should never be on TV.
airs Wednesdays and Thursdays at 8pm on FOX.<< Page 1: Singers to RememberWant to add American Idol to your very own watch-list? Download BuddyTV Guide for free for your phone.
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