'American Idol' Recap: Big Talent in Chi-Town (Page 2/2)
Bill King
Bill King
Contributing Writer, BuddyTV
'Singers' to Forget

The girl who opens the show with her best friend. We don't get her name or hear her sing, but her bestie has the friends and family on speaker phone and erupts in cheers when she comes out of the audition room. Only problem is the girl didn't get a ticket. Awkward!

Austin Earles' head is shaved on the sides with a huge blond mohawk on top. He's singing Mariah's "Fantasy," and she just laughs.
 
Melissa Bush is a 27-year-old student and masseuse who is so quiet that she bought a shiny too-tight Spandex-y body suit to show off her personality, AND she brings Randy a bright yellow "Get Down, DAWG!" T-shirt. She is the reason I hate the audition shows, because she's probably a really nice girl but has a horrible, horrible voice. She needs people to tell her not to go on television, because it's heartbreaking to watch her get rejected. And don't be surprised if #AmericanIdolCamelToe is trending on Friday.



Kevin Nabity, on the other hand, deserves what he gets based on his unwarranted confidence. The only positive thing that comes out of his audition is that Rob Van Winkle likely gets a check for usage fees of Vanilla Ice's "Ninja Rap" from "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Secret of the Ooze." That movie came out in 1991, and it was a huge deal for 11-year-old me and my friends. I think it was one of the first times I saw a film on opening day, and probably the last time I thought about the song "Ninja Rap." Kevin's dance moves are awful, and he sings a continually speeding-up version of Barenaked Ladies' "One Week" (subtitled for our reading pleasure). Keith says he sounds like an auctioneer. As a bonus, we also get to hear him sing "Come Sail Away."



Ieisha Cotton is a professional dancer with some killer moves that really get the judges going, but then she opens her mouth and scares the bejesus out my poor cat who is sleeping on the couch next to me. What, I'm a dude blogging about American Idol, and you don't think I have a cat? His name is Roger.

All the people included in American Idol's montage of bad singers called "The Miserables," who flip off, curse and scream at the camera after they are rejected. One girl even says "I swear to God, if you air this..."

Ashley Curry is a twin who is studying musical theater. She says people describe her voice as really good and like nothing they've ever heard before, and her mother is convinced she is going to Hollywood. Let's just say her voice is, in fact, like nothing you've ever heard before. And something you never want to hear again. If she's the future of musical theater, perhaps a Tony Award is in my future. 



Thoughts, Conclusions and Other Highlights

I have to mention the one dude who gets rejected and then gets a hug from Nicki. She grabs his earlobes, and he totally puckers up like she wants to make out with him. It only lasts for a second, until he realizes that's not going to happen, but it's still hilarious.

For the Day 1 auditions, Nicki Minaj wore a cheetah-print halter top and blazer, with matching cheetah-print sailor hat (I always wonder what her real hair looks like), and you have to wonder if her status as a fashion trend setter is part of the reason she butts heads with Mariah. They are essentially members of different generations, as Mariah is 42 and Nicki is either 28 or 30, depending on which site you check.

And while Mariah might have been more flamboyant a decade and a half ago (or even a few years ago), she's a bit more conservative as she enters middle age as a relatively new mother. She is more simplistic in her diva elegance these days, while Nicki is more put-it-all-on-display, openly asking every attractive guy if he has a girlfriend. You almost get a "Kids today!" grumble from Mariah when she interacts with Nicki.

The tension between them heated up a bit during Day 1, particularly when bad singers chose Mariah songs as their auditions and Nicki reveled in the terrible renditions. Day 2 was a lot more cordial, especially when Nicki genuinely said that for anyone, meeting Mariah for the first time was "monumental."

That apparently all gets shot to hell next week, when the judges head to Charlotte for the show described as "where it all happens." Apparently Nicki even walks off the set and tells her fellow judges to finish the show without her because she's "over it."

In the end, Chicago did six better than New York City, sending 47 people through to Hollywood. My favorites were 15-year-old Isabell Parell, adopted-by-her-aunt Brandy Neelly, vocal coach Josh Holiday and, surprisingly, quirky Kez Ban. Which of the 16 featured performers who are moving on stood out to you? Did any jump out at you as a favorite to be crowned the next American Idol? Tune in next week for a whole new batch of talented singers and people who should never be on TV.

American Idol
airs Wednesdays and Thursdays at 8pm on FOX.

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