definition of the word mentor [ment-tawr]: (Noun) "A wise and trusted counselor or teacher. An influential senior sponsor or supporter."
The American Idol
definition of mentor: Miley Cyrus. A 17-year-old made for Disney star of questionable vocal ability and zero song writing skills, who is best known to people over the age of 12 for taking racy and racist photos, quitting Twitter and signaling the demise of American culture.
From where we stand, Miley has none of the qualifications to mentor on American Idol
or elsewhere, but we do have some recommendations for folks who would be more than qualified to make up for what Miley is missing: age, longevity, vocal skills, proven song writing ability and, when all else fails, just being a lot more interesting even if in a train wreck kind of way. (Oh, we expect Miley's stint on Idol
to be terrible, but not in an enjoyable water-cooler conversation sort of way, rather in the "oh god I fear for the youth of my nation" kind of way.) Age:
Anyone who can legally vote or drink would be a start.
Sure, you'd need subtitles for Ozzy's
stint as a mentor, but with four decades of genre pioneering behind
him, Ozzy certainly has the expertise to be a wise counselor for the
Even though Madonna has a body that most people Miley's age would be jealous of, Madonna's no spring chicken. Billboard ranks only The Beatles above Madonna on their "Hot 100 All-Time Artists," and with nearly 30 years in the business, almost as many reinventions, Madonna has the know-how and no-bullshit attitude to actually teach the Top 11 something. Career Longevity:Elton John:
Elton's career and cattiness has spanned four decades. He's sold more than 250 million records, recorded the best selling single of all time, and has had more than 50 Top 40 hits.
LeAnn may only be 27, but she's a 14 year veteran of the music industry.Vocal Skills:
Aretha Franklin has pipes for the ages. Rolling Stone
Magazine ranked her Number One on their list of "Greatest Singers of All Time." She was the first woman to be inducted in to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. She's Aretha Franklin, the gold standard that every soul, R&B, jazz and rock vocalist wants to be compared to.
Was described aptly on Glee
as "an angel sent from heaven to deliver platinum records unto us." In 1999, the Grammy's used him as a vocal stand-in for Italian opera star Andrea Bocelli. His voice harkens to by-gone eras of rich-throated singers like Sinatra and Tony Bennet.
He's one half of the greatest song writing team the world has ever (and arguably will ever know.) He's a Beatle. 'Nuf said.
With nearly 100 albums, 22 number one singles, including truly iconic songs such as "Crazy," "Ain't It Funny How Time Slips Away," and "On the Road Again," Willie Nelson is arguably one of America's greatest song writers.
Far More Interesting & Fun:
Keep the sub-titles from Ozzy's mentorship for Wino's stint on Idol and watch her slur and teeter away. Amy's role as an Idol
mentor could serve two-fold: the all important "artistry" question (say what you will, but Amy Winehouse knows who she is as an artist) and what not to do once fame is found.
If FOX chose to air the Snoop D-o-double-g as a mentor on Pay-Per-View, I would pay to watch. Snoop has a sly sense of humor, he's a supremely savvy business man and the idea of him mentoring the likes of Aaron Kelly or Katie Stevens is funnier than the inevitable contact high the Top 11 would get from being in the same room as Snoop.
In conclusion, who would we rather see as a mentor on American Idol
than Miley Cyrus? Anyone. (Images courtesy of WENN)