The other day, I went shopping and tried on some clothes. When I finished, the fitting room attendant asked me, "any of these work out for you?" and I replied, "It's a no for me today." It's a no for me today? What a douchey thing to say! I realized, long after the fact, that I'd been channeling my inner Randy Jackson in a completely inappropriate situation. It was then that I knew American Idol
had infiltrated a deeper level of my consciousness (like Inception
). But we don't all have to be victims!Here are 10 ways to tell American Idol might have taken over your brainwaves: #10 You describe everything, even food, as "pitchy."#9 Goldenrod colored paper makes you scream with delight
and run to your nearest family member for a hug.#8 You often describe people as the "total package," even just in passing.#7 Instead of just "yes," you say "it's a yes for me."#6 You only know Ellen DeGeneres from American Idol
and, based on some comments she made in Season 9, you have a sneaking suspicion
she might be a lesbian.#5 You label people in the broad categories of "Simons," "Randys," "Stevens," "Jennifers," and sometimes "Karas."
#4 You have created your own religion
, for which the creation story involves one singer to rule them all, beamed down from the American Idol
spaceship to control us with their laser microphone.
#3 Whenever you have friends over, you arrange them on different couches, then hold an elimination ceremony
complete with sealed envelopes to determine who goes home first.#2 You watched Jason Mesnick and Molly Malaney's Bachelor wedding special just to see Jason Castro perform. #1 You knew about Tim Urban before Ryan Seacrest told you about Justin Bieber.(images courtesy of FOX)