How to Tell When 'American Idol' Has Infiltrated Your Everyday Life
How to Tell When 'American Idol' Has Infiltrated Your Everyday Life
The other day, I went shopping and tried on some clothes. When I finished, the fitting room attendant asked me, "any of these work out for you?" and I replied, "It's a no for me today." It's a no for me today? What a douchey thing to say! I realized, long after the fact, that I'd been channeling my inner Randy Jackson in a completely inappropriate situation. It was then that I knew American Idol had infiltrated a deeper level of my consciousness (like Inception). But we don't all have to be victims!

Here are 10 ways to tell American Idol might have taken over your brainwaves:

#10 You describe everything, even food, as "pitchy."

Randyskeptical.jpg#9 Goldenrod colored paper makes you scream with delight and run to your nearest family member for a hug.

TimHalperincelebrates.jpg#8 You often describe people as the "total package," even just in passing.

#7 Instead of just "yes," you say "it's a yes for me."

JLowoo.jpg#6 You only know Ellen DeGeneres from American Idol and, based on some comments she made in Season 9, you have a sneaking suspicion she might be a lesbian.

#5 You label people in the broad categories of "Simons," "Randys," "Stevens," "Jennifers," and sometimes "Karas."

#4 You have created your own religion, for which the creation story involves one singer to rule them all, beamed down from the American Idol spaceship to control us with their laser microphone.
 
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#3 Whenever you have friends over, you arrange them on different couches, then hold an elimination ceremony complete with sealed envelopes to determine who goes home first.

#2 You watched Jason Mesnick and Molly Malaney's Bachelor wedding special just to see Jason Castro perform.

JasonCastrobachelor.jpg#1 You knew about Tim Urban before Ryan Seacrest told you about Justin Bieber.

(images courtesy of FOX)

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