'American Idol' Results: And the Top 2 Are ... Obvious
'American Idol' Results: And the Top 2 Are ... Obvious
Abbey Simmons
Abbey Simmons
Contributing Writer, BuddyTV
Let's be honest: unless the biggest shock in the history of American Idol happens tonight, we all know what's about to happen. Tween girls will scream for Justin Bieber in a way that shames Siobhan Magnus' power notes. Ryan Seacrest will do something that makes us cringe. Casey James will be eliminated. And the Bowersox vs. Dewyze finale we've been predicting since basically week one will go on as planned.

Listen Up: The Penultimate Idol Podcast

Can't we just start the proposed half an hour results show tonight? No? Fine. Then you better keep me company in the comments as we witness either the most obvious or the most shocking Idol results show in history.

So why are we so certain that Casey James is heading home tonight? Well, nearly 90% of you picked him for elimination in Fantasy TV  and Casey himself seems well aware of his almost certain fate. Even a devout Casey fan like myself can't deny that when it came to last night, Casey delivered the weakest performances on a night he needed to blow everyone out of the water to survive.

It's American Idol time and seeing that Ryan Seacrest hasn't said anything about there being a Daughtry sized shocker tonight, I'm assuming we can all fast forward to 6:55pm, avoid Bieber Fever and say goodbye to Casey.  But because this is American Idol and they can't just come out and say that now, we get 10 minutes of filler with Ryan asking the Top 3 if they want to win. Here's an abridged version of the interview:

Casey keeps saying that he "never expected to get this far" and that at this point staying or going is "the difference between winning the 10 million and 100 million dollar Lotto." He clearly knows his fate.

talks like he knows he has the whole thing in the bag and speaks about Idol with passion. He says he's "never wanted to win it more than he does right now."

Crystal stays mostly neutral saying "whatever happens, happens," before admitting she would like to win like she should feel guilty about that. She drops the Mom and diabetes card before thanking Idol for the incredible health care she's gotten during her time on the show. (Seriously.) 

Hometown Visit: Casey in Cool, Texas

Casey has never seemed so excited as he does to be standing on Texan soil and marvels "They really stopped traffic for me. They actually stopped traffic." While in Texas, Casey signs a woman's dog, is met by screaming women of all ages everywhere he goes, tearfully thanks the doctors and nurses who saved his life, plays to a huge crowd and screams "I love you Texas" a lot.

Between hometown visits is a guest performance from Travis Garland. (No, I've never heard of him either.) Apparently the most notable thing about Travis is that he was discovered by Perez Hilton, who claims that Travis is "better than Justin Timberlake." Much like the gossip on his website, this is a lie. Luckily, at this point in the season all the bad guest performances are kind of all melding into one gigantic blur, but Tyler was notably awful.

Hometown Visit: Crystal in Toledo, Ohio

It's time for Crystal to head home to Ohio, where it is "Crystal Bowersox" day in the entire northwestern part of the state. While home in Ohio, Crystal autographed a young man's chest who promised he was heading straight to the tattoo shop to make it permanent, was given the key to the city and played a concert to a huge crowd.

However, the best part of Crystal's entire home visit footage is that we get to hear Crystal's original song "Holy Toledo," a song I guarantee you, Crystal could have had a bonafide Idol moment with last night. Much more so than she did with "Come to my Window." When the cameras cut back to Crystal on stage with Ryan Seacrest, she is crying tears of joy. "I fought all season long to get an original song and .... that's mine, that's MY song."

Hometown Visit: Lee in Chicago, Illinois

Of all the contestants, Lee's hometown visit is the most emotional. He is met by screaming fans everywhere he goes, including the oft-mentioned paint store. The other constant of Lee's visit to Chicago is tears. Lee cries as he visits the paint store, his elementary school, is in a parade, after he throws out the first pitch at Wrigley Field and as he performs to over 40,000 fans at a racetrack. And if it didn't make your chin just a wee bit wobbly too, well, you're a stronger person than I.

Also, music blogger geek out: playing behind Lee's hometown visit was "Home" by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes, a personal favorite I've been guilty of playing on repeat. Sadly, this is one of the most exciting things that has happened the entire season of Idol for me.

Before we get to tonight's results ... Bieber!!

I admit, I have never heard a Justin Bieber song, because I am not a 12-year-old girl or Ryan Seacrest, who seems to be Bieber's biggest fan. Bieber is not terrible in comparison to the majority of this season's guest performances, but all I can think about is his bangs doing a battle to the death with Tim Urban's. Whose would win?

bangbattle.jpgI vote our very own He Bangs, on account of the shag.

And 56 minutes into the show, it's time for what we all know is coming: Casey's elimination.

Results Time:

Lee Dewyze is Safe
(surprising absolutely no one)
Crystal Bowersox is Safe (surprising absolutely no one)

That means as we knew all along  ... 

Casey James is eliminated (also, surprising absolutely no one)

I knew I could have pre-written this and not suffered through Perez's protege! But there you have it America, your final two, just as it should be: Crystal Bowersox and Lee Dewyze. Are you happy with them? Because I know you're not surprised.

(Image courtesy of FOX)