Let's talk about how American Idol
left us last time. They spent a lot of energy building up to this poor girl, Symone Black, falling off the stage, and promoted it like it was a comedic event. They use it as an instance of Hollywood Week "pushing some to the limit," in "the most intense Hollywood Week ever." And right after she fell off stage, they asked us to tune in for this episode to find out what happened to Symone. That is flat out awful, slimy, and I feel bad for looking forward to her falling all night.
So, Symone, if you are out there (and I hope you are OK!), I'm sorry. I'll have to spend the next several weeks convincing all of you guys that I'm not made of stone again, and that might impede the way I enjoy Hollywood Week. But anyway, medic please! Back to Hollywood Week. The rest of the people in her line circle up in prayer, and the medic (or probably a producer) calls for, what else, a Coca Cola! Preferably in a glass with a logo, people! She got her Coke, though, she's FINE.
This is how Jennifer Lopez gets around most of the time.
Lauren Mink, Jeremy Rosado, and Ethan Jones await their fate, and we get ghostly flashbacks to their auditions. Why so much reverb, Idol? Symone tells us, en route to the hospital, that she was getting ready to answer Randy's question when she just blacked out. She's walking in the doors, though, so that's a good sign. Jeremy Rosado
moves on, and Lauren Mink
and Ethan Jones
Up next: my favorite part of my favorite part! The Group Round
! Oh, and someone else is going to pass out mid-song but I am already resolved not to think it is funny at all. Beep boop beep because I am a robot--OOPS I mean human. Booooops.
So, the Group Round is "the ultimate test of strength" in Ryan Seacrest's mind. Surely he is not exaggerating. Or rather, apparently not, as it seems like a bunch of people are leaving the theater in stretchers. They need more Coca Cola STAT.
In what should not have come as a surprise to the contestants, they have to form groups with a mix of Day 1 and Day 2 auditioners. A police officer is having trouble finding a group, and the girl who lived in a tent is feeling sick. But Amy, this is the ultimate test of strength! Surely you can make it through the selection process without crying. But no, she goes backstage and cries because she's sick and no one is picking her.
Phillip Phillips, Heejun Han, and Jayron Jackson are all in a group together and it could be perfection, except this apathetic cowboy fellow joined them. Amy "musters the strength" to crawl out of the wings to join that obnoxious girl's group. It is a recipe for disaster.
You know who I like, though? That girl Brianna who kept saying, "oh NO," to everyone's group song suggestions. I would like to reiterate that I don't like that girl Alisha. Or her ringlets. Although, I do agree with her that "Joy to the World" is obviously not a Christmas song. Dummies.
Why doesn't anyone wanna sing about joy with me?
Alisha's group leaves her to sing "More Than a Feeling," which Alisha refused to sing. She's pushing through the crowd like a big bully, demanding that someone sing that song that's not a Christmas song with her. That's the way to win people over! "I'M A COP!"
Charging into the long night, some of the groups are doing well (and Reed Grimm is doing everything in his power to keep from skatting all the time).
Must ... resist ... skweedadoodeedloo JAZZ!
Kyle Crews, who needed to amp up his star power, is in a group with Shannon Magrane and Brielle Von Hugel, who auditioned last season. Since she was in a group with Pia Toscano, she is bullying them. Also because, according to her mom, "she's boawllsy."
Symone Black is back from the hospital. She was dehydrated and needed to eat, drink, and rest more. Now Symone has to get into a group. Her dad keeps telling her that "it can't be that hard," and he's "not a stage dad." Symone finds four more girls and is set.
Is everyone singing "Mercy" all the time? It looks like Eben Franckewitz is doing well with it, like those 15 year olds are known to do.
The group that ditched Alisha would be going well if they didn't have to deal with Amy and her complaining. Then, an amazing piece of editing happened. We saw a clip of Amy holding hands with a girl, then a cut to the girl throwing up into a plastic bag. It was amazing.
The cowboy is ruining the good group elsewhere in the hotel. He keeps trying to add harmonies and teach them salsa moves and box steps. Heejun tells the cameras that "that cowboy dude is crazy." I love Heejun for standing up to that dopey cowboy. And diagnosing him with "a brain stone, I don't know."
Amy must have touched this guy Christian, too, because he is looking like a hot mess. "The more I puke, the better I feel," he says scarily. He's got the Idol
fever! Maybe they should quarantine the building ...
The battle of Heejun vs. Cowboy rages on, and Heejun predicts "a very high percentage of going home tomorrow." Cowboy says, "well golly gee gosh darn, sometimes people are gonna get hurt don't you know!" and Heejun says, "freakin' cowboys." I love Heejun, and kind of hate this cowboy kid with a burning passion.
A group called "The Betties," containing Brianna and the puker, splits up late at night because some of them want to go to bed and some of them want to work until their eyes bleed. In the end, everyone goes to bed except Jennifer, the crying hold-out. Why not just go to bed, though, if you have no one to practice with?
Tearfully, Brianna returns to Jennifer. "I'm not leaving! I'm not leaving!!" And they feel better about themselves and their decisions. They go to bed at 5:11 am.
On the morning of the group performances, everyone (including Blonde Flat-Top!) makes last-minute preparations. The Betties are up first. They get their notes, take a breath and ... TO BE CONTINUED NEXT WEEK!
Can you stand the suspense? Are you glad no one fell down this week and they're saving more of that for next week? Would you have stayed up all night or gone to bed?(images courtesy of FOX)